Monday, December 14, 2009

Tiger Woods smashes Jon and Kate into the nearest sandpit

Tiger Woods' recent drama is so much more salacious and interesting than Jon and Kate can ever hope to be. Jon and Kate's shenanigans are only for beginners. Their 15 Minutes are coming to an end, and Tiger Woods may have just pushed that minutes' hand to number 16. That is certainly not whom anyone expected would do it, but we are grateful just the same.

Here are some tips for Jon and Kate to keep their story going.

1. Don't act like a douche. Then people just expect bad behavior, which is boring. Always behave completely uprighteous and morally correct, only leaking a few beautiful family photos to the press featuring your kids and dogs. That way when you screw up it's all the more shocking.

2. Always say no comment. Always. Never talk to the press and always remain secluded. It is much more interesting for the public to speculate what you might say or do, than to release some stupid carefully crafted press release that is gone and forgotten within 24 hours.

3. Do something completely shocking, like crashing your car at 2 am outside your own home, then be incredibly vague about how it happened and don't explain things that don't add up, like why the back window was broken to get you out when you were sitting in the driver's seat.

4. A little domestic violence in your morally upstanding relationship, or rather just a few clues their might be domestic violence, is incredibly interesting.

5. Lots of women creates more tabloid covers and more opportunities for stories, rather than just one or two.

6. Children's services should be investigating your family. You don't want to actually get your kids taken away, but just the suggestion that you might keeps people glued.

7. Release a few clues every few days, but nothing to actually explain the whole thing. A few voice mails, text messages, police reports, and medical records, slowly made public over several weeks, keeps the story going forever.

8. Be happy when you are a parody on Saturday Night Live. Congrats, you've made it.

But seriously, we hope Jon and Kate's ridiculous story has come to an end and that they will quickly fade into obscurity. And we wish Tiger Woods and his family all the best in working through their many problems.

1 sediments (sic) from readers:

Lauren said...

The Tiger Woods bimbo-eruption scandal shows that the Gosselin drama is D-list at best.

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