Monday, March 2, 2015

Recap: Celebrity Apprentice Episode Six: That low-down dirty bird!

Last time on Celebrity Apprentice! The teams had a whale of a good time doing tours for Circle Line, and the announcer, you know that guy who pronounces Kate's name Goz-land, lol, is loving the maritime puns too. Who doesn't? Kenya and Geraldo were both awkward on their tours, but Geraldo was awkwarder, so Sig's team lost and Sig had to be fired.  On the second task, Kate was PM, and Vivica and Kenya couldn't stop fighting. You know how when a fight goes on so long you can't even remember what started it? That's what's happening here. I really can't remember why it is Vivica hates Kenya and Kenya hates Vivica. Or maybe we never really saw what instigated it. In any case, their feud only seems to be getting worse. This all really distracted Doofus, who for some reason couldn't just ignore it or tell them to knock it off and get back to work. In the boardroom it kind of looked like Kate might slither by again because Kenya and Vivica couldn't stop whining about how much the other one sucked and both of them forgot about their common enemy, Kate, but mercifully, Trump fired Kate after all. They don't really show this in the brief recap, but that whole scene was hysterical in the sense that Kate really believed she didn't have a chance of going home. She just kept bobbling and pointing her thumb over at Vivica and Kenya the whole time, sort of like, see what I mean? Lol. She was certain either Vivica or Kenya would go, completely oblivious to the fact that they are both infinitely smarter and stronger players than she ever was. She never once believed she was also an option. If there's one thing she's excellent at, it's creating her own fantasy of how things are and will be, and believing it full throttle.

I guess sometimes that sort of attitude works for people, like believing you can become a doctor or win an Olympic medal or an Oscar and then making it happen. But it sure is funny to watch Kate employ it in such a delusional manner and then fall flat on her face lol.

Back in the suites everyone is so distracted by Kenya! They can't stop talking about her. Kate was born lucky. Of course there is a diva and narcissist bigger than her on her season everyone is gunning for instead of Kate.  Ian admits Kenya's actually a strong player but there's too much drama with Brandi which slows things down.  It seems to me many of them think they'd be better off without her. Haha, Brandi's face says it all when she sees Kenya's still here. Lol.

I think it's inappropriate that Geraldo says he felt like he was in Afghanistan in that boardroom. I mean, a whole lot of good men and women died there. But Geraldo doesn't seem to ever understand why something he says, or does, might be inappropriate or insensitive. That's just Geraldo.

Lol, "to Kate Plus 8," they all say as they toast with their wine and champagne. I find that rather amusing in the sense that it's true, she's nothing if she's just Kate. She's Kate plus eight. Her whole identity is wrapped up in that branding.

You know I hate to say it, but even though a few people really couldn't stand Kate, like the awesome trifecta of Brandi, Vivica and Kenya, it seems like most of the rest of the players didn't really mind her, or were at least indifferent.  I think though that could be more because they didn't see her as much of a threat or competition. There were bigger fish to worry about it. Kate was superfluous in their minds, mostly harmless. She wasn't going to win a task for them of course, but she usually wasn't going to cause a bunch of problems either, with a few rare exceptions. She'd go eventually, so there was no harm in dragging her along. (But as I said in my last recap, be careful with that mindset!)

Awesome, they're in the International Center of Photography. Photography is one of my great passions. Dare I say photography right now has never been more exciting. What is so incredible about photography in 2015, and one reason I love it so much, is it's one of the few art forms where once you buy the initial equipment, it doesn't cost hardly anything to practice with it. You could shoot 1,000 photos a day and play with Photoshop and Adobe Lightroom for eight hours every day for a ten buck a month subscription, the same as Netflix. So people are getting a ton of practice in, like they never did before with film because nobody could afford to process 1,000 negatives. As a result, people are getting good. I mean, really freaking good. There are so many folks I could recommend to you, but if I had to pick just one I'd say check out Marc Adamus. He's a young guy, been shooting about ten years, and he's practiced so much between his shooting and Photoshop he's become a real magician. I just love his work.

As for me, I've been at it about two, maybe three years. I'm nowhere near Marc's level, but it's exciting to look at my work at the beginning compared to now and see my growth. Here's one of mine I'm proud of, at this lovely little beach called Hermosa last weekend.

Anyway, this is cool, they're going to create a photograph and hashtag campaign for King's Hawaiian, including shots of New York. NYC is very photogenic, so this should be all fun. I'm not really into King's breads, they're too soft for me. I know, I know, that's what she said. I actually really can't stand them, mostly because of the texture. But I know people absolutely obsessed with the bread, who won't throw a party without them. They're super popular on the West Coast, there's like half a grocery aisle devoted to their products in every store.

Johnny and Kenya will be PMs. Lol, Kenya. This should be good.

Johnny says he wants to step up to win more money for his charity. You know, I believe him, and I like him. I don't recall very many other contestants as focused on why they are really here as Johnny is. Certainly never Kate.

Lol, Brandi thinks Ian is stuck in the 80's with his stupid slogan ideas. Johnny quickly goes with Brandi's idea of "rise to the occasion." That's somewhat clever. As clever as you usually see on this show. Always smarter to go with Brandi over Ian anyhow.

Ian thinks a cool thing to do is have the Statute of Liberty clutching some bread. Oh, I thought she had gone low carb. Ian knows somebody who has a helicopter to get this done. Of course he does. He knows everybody. He knows somebody in just about every profession there ever was, and he has their cell numbers. Johnny is just sort of cracking up. I know, it's just funny. Where did he meet all these people? He sounds like an expert schmoozer. You know the type who won't leave the party without taking to every single person and getting their contact info, just in case 20 years down the line he needs a helicopter. Few others have the sort of energy for such things, but Ian is a robot so that's not an issue.

Kenya and Vivica are still talking about the boardroom from earlier. Lol. Remarkably, the girls agree to wipe the slate clean, although Vivica says she doesn't buy it. Kenya has a super risky concept that kind of grosses me out, about superimposing the buns on a model's butt cheeks. Geraldo suggests Kenya be one of the models. Eww. Kenya is like, uh, yeah, no. Lol. Kenya now wants to put a baby in the ad, who I guess is sort of hormonal or something and wants him some butt buns. Geraldo hates that idea, and he's the king of bad ideas. Right? It's weird!

Johnny and Ian take their helicopter ride to take photos of the city. Speaking for nerdy photographers, this is an awful day for photos. It's way too sunny and bright out, the sky is a boring flat blue, and they're shooting in the middle of the day when it's really contrasty, a big no-no. Most real photographers wouldn't bother to go out today, or would have tried it at sunrise or sunset. But they're under such severe time constraints they don't have a choice. Ian as usual can't believe how amazing he is to have arranged all this.

Timelapse guy, however, knows what he's doing and can go out under the best conditions for incredible shots, and he got a sweet timelapse of Central Park under big puffy cotton ball clouds that they splice in as we cut to Kenya's team. Kenya is just recruiting models right off the street. Lol, that's awkward. In the past I seem to remember Celebrity Apprentice would pull models from a local talent agency. What happened to that? Kenya doesn't seem to be mentioning to any of these people they intend to superimpose buns on their buns. You might want to bring that up before they sign on.

Kenya tells Vivica that Vivica's not fit enough to be one of the models. Haha, Kenya! She makes Vivica hold her jacket and purse. Vivica's face, hehe. F--- ety F----! is Vivica's answer to this. Ha, she's losing it.

This is the most awkward, stupidest photoshoot ever. In one of the scenes a couple walks by Kenya and the guy's head turns to look at Kenya's butt. In another there's a toddler in a stroller and Vivica sitting in front of him. It's all just so odd. And how did we go from Vivica not allowed to be in the shoot f--ety f--- to Vivica front and center? Again the quick editing is leaving out huge important chunks of information.

"Coat!" Kenya cries. Lol, Vivica runs over and covers her majesty up so she doesn't get herself all chilly. Vivica feels unappreciated, as assistants often tend to.

Over at Johnny's team, they're photoshopping the cityscape shots. They're squabbling over the hashtags, Leeza says they are not mentioning King's Hawaiian enough, both in the hashtags and on the bread in the photos. She's really fighting for this, which is a nice change from when before she's sort of looked the other way when things went wrong. It's too late in the game to let stuff like that go, she's playing this game just right. You have to fight and stand your ground at this stage or you're done. Diplomacy won't work at this hour.

Over at Team Diva, Vivica can't find her phone anywhere. She doesn't understand this, as she had just set it right down on the table and now it disappeared. Lol, I see where this one is going. Vivica is very distracted, thinking about all the contacts and personal info on her phone. I think it must be different to lose your phone as a celeb. You and all your celebrity friends could be the next big news story if the right person gets into it, which wouldn't happen if you or I lost our phones. Everyone should both lock their phone with a password and learn how you can swipe your iphone clear remotely with a computer if you ever lose it. Still, with today's smart hackers I can see how she would be worried anyway. I know what eventually happened here, Kenya stole the phone and tweeted from it. Kenya absolutely should not have done that and in fact was breaking the law in so doing it, but this whole thing could have been avoided if Vivica simply password protected her phone.

When they actually superimpose the buns on the models, it looks even stupider than some of them originally thought. Both Geraldo and Vivica think they should scrap that dumb idea. "Edgy" is putting it mildly, Geraldo.

Kenya's getting violent now, threatening to back that infamous bus over Vivica a hundred times until Vivica is crying out in agony every bone in her body broken begging her to please show her mercy.

Mercy, mercy! Then, Kenya will cremate her and add her ashes to a box of cat litter. Whoa. This feud just took a rather creepy turn. Vivica is now certain her phone was stolen. I think she would be right about that if I do say so myself!

Commercials. H&R Block is using the same "Money" song used in the Apprentice credits and their guy sort of shouts in much the same way Trump does.

Trump was upset about this. Because apparently if he pays for the rights to use a song way back in 2004, nobody else can do the same ten years later. And also nobody else is allowed to shout or they are clearly impersonating him. Last month, he told Block they suck for doing this. Leave it to Trump to be this immature. I think it's funny that this Block commercial is now running during Trump's show. Sort of a nice little F-U. Well played.

Johnny spends a long time explaining why he left the presenting to Leeza, but that needs no explanation. Why is Johnny's suitcoat 3 sizes too big? Or is that a jacket? Their project is badly photoshopped but it's rather cute, especially the one where Leeza and Brandi are sailing away on a bun balloon. I don't understand the buns on the building under construction. Buns are so light and flimsy, how would it support the structure? I'm overthinking this I'm sure.

Kenya presents, and goodness seeing it in front of the nice Hawaiian executives their concept seems even more embarrassing. One executive can hardly look at the baby one it's so awkward, hehe. Also, not really a baby. More like a toddler, which for some reason makes it seem weirder to me. Trump Jr. looks nauseous. I don't think the other team's concept was all that interesting either, but this is far worse.

Boardroom time. I hope we get to the bottom of cell phone gate soon, that's been the most interesting part of this episode so far.

I don't think Trump really was thinking about Leeza that much as a factor, but he has to admit he realizes everyone seems to think she's awesome. It's been obvious since the beginning she should make it to the end, glad to see he's caught up.

Predictably, Kenya thinks Geraldo was amazing but Vivica was just "good." Tee-hee. Kenya claims Vivica wasn't feeling well. Vivica's like, what??? No, I was fine. I gave 100%!

Rear ends are trendy on the internet-webs? I must be looking at a different internet-webs than Kenya. All I see is the great blue-black/gold-white debate on my internet-webs. (For the record, it's gold white!)

The executives liked Johnny's team and their skyline photos but felt the hashtags weren't on brand. They liked the viral characteristic of Kenya's campaign, but of course, they felt it wasn't family friendly and the baby thing was totally creepy. God, yes it was! Johnny's team wins it. It wasn't even close apparently. That's five wins in a row for that team.

Trump says Kenya really didn't help the losing team by going over there. Ouch. Vivica thinks Geraldo enabled Kenya and her bad ideas. The guy is kind of a bad idea magnet though.

Leeza and Ian are like, what were they thinking going sexy? This family company has been around for ages, if they ever wanted to sex things up they would have done so by now. Duh. What a stupid decision. Vivica thinks Kenya is toxic.

Geraldo breaks it down for Trump as if he's not completely crazy himself. Kenya's idea was crap, and Vivica didn't do much. Well, in fairness, it didn't seem like Kenya was really letting Vivica do anything. Vivica's still pissed that she was told she couldn't be a model. Lol, never poke a celeb's ego. You'll pay for it for days.  Are these two girls too dumb to realize they could team up and get Geraldo fired? I mean everybody else has said they think he's the weak link, despite all his bluster. I'm starting to think they're right.

Kenya says Vivica tweeted the other day that she's going through menopause, so maybe that had something to do with her poor performance.  Haha, Vivica freaks out, calling her a "dirty-ass bitch." That's a new one, and a good one. This is not the ghetto! Kenya insists.

That's the only place you'll be prevalent in, Vivica retorts. Oh shit. This is a knock down drag out. Don't hurt me, but a teeny, tiny part of me wishes Kate were still sitting here, just to see some good shocked and awed faces while this is all going down. It would really help round this all out. For some odd reason this doesn't seem to excite Trump Jr. too much. Rather he looks like he's struggling to stay awake.

Vivica has hit on Kenya's Achilles heel, and now just throws things out like "Ghetto Star." Lol. Both Leeza and Ian agree the menopause comment is way out of line.

Vivica says she did not tweet anything about menopause. Why isn't she mentioning that she couldn't have tweeted that because her phone has been stolen since at least yesterday? How long is it going to take these doofuses to realize that Kenya did it? It's so obvious, and it's taking forever for them to put two and two together. Kenya keeps bringing it up, made some mention of just starting to follow Vivica, and won't let it go. Wake up, she did it!

Vivica's like, wtf, I don't even tweet that often, I'm more of an Instagram girl. I know, Instagram is so much better!

By the way, how pathological do you have to be to assert that somebody tweeted something knowing full well that that person knows they never tweeted it and knows their phone was missing during that time period so it would be impossible to have tweeted that even if they wanted to? How did Kenya ever expect to pull this off?? Bizarre.

Trump says Kenya should prove it to him or be fired. But how would just showing him the tweet prove anything? Hey, this is a great example of a concept a lot of people don't understand about the court of law and proof. Having an email, or text, or tweet for that matter, unfortunately does not necessarily prove that the person it is "from" really was the person who sent it. Sometimes you can spend days in court trying to show that nobody else could have had access to that computer, or whatever, etc. It's super hard to demonstrate the sender is who it says it is, rendering such evidence useless sometimes even if common sense says they sent it.

Trump Jr. finds the tweet: "This menopause is killing me. I can't think straight. I might be a damn fool half the time. 50 just isn't sexy." (In the actual tweet, "is" is mistakenly spelled as "id")

Trump immediately cannot believe she would actually say that. Neither can the rest of America, there's just no way, even in a drunk text. I'm curious whether any of her twitter fans actually thought that was a real tweet. I'm betting many were skeptical, especially since it doesn't even sound like her.

Why does Kenya look so smug? She's gonna get caught with this, it's inevitable. If you're going to fake a tweet, at least make it credible. She insulted Vivica four times in the tweet, come on. Even Doofus would never be this dumb or do something this stupid, congratulations you even topped her. There's a line you can cross where being this nuts isn't fun anymore and becomes rather scary instead. Ian's brand of bananas is fun. Kenya's has long ago crossed the border into frightening land.

Vivica finally realizes oh wait my phone was stolen and "this low-down dirty bird" (lol, I love Vivica) must have taken it and tweeted from it!!! My God, took her long enough.

Geraldo has to back it up that yes her phone was stolen, and he realizes it too! The Trumps look like they're kind of buying this, thank God. Trump Jr. is smart in that he says he read some other tweets of Vivica's, which are indeed kind of sparse, and they're all about god bless you and positive shit like that. One of these things is not like the other, one of these things does not belong.

Kenya's all like come now, you can't be serious. Would little ole me do that??? Hehe.

Trump is totally buying this whole convoluted mess! So awesome! Trump and the Jr. are all like, well who else would do this? The tweet has grammatical errors for pity sake and doesn't really make sense. What did Kenya think, they were going to blame this on Geraldo? There's really no one else they could pin this on. She's so dumb.

Why is the other Trump Jr. not saying anything? He's totally mute this whole time. Maybe he's just popping the popcorn like I am now, drinking a soda.

Trump's all like, they lost because of you Kenya, you didn't help your team, and it's really serious if you stole her phone. Like, really serious. You're fired Kenya!

Good grief, I'm happier Kenya was fired than I was Kate was fired last week. Thank God.

Vivica cannot even look at her and literally gives her the hand and just tells her to "bounce."

Vivica, go file a police report. Seriously. You can't just steal somebody's phone. It's ridiculous and is breaking the law and psycho Kenya needs to be put in her place. What's more, she doesn't even have the phone back yet. It's still missing. Kenya still has it!

Kenya can't make eye contact as she says this accusation she stole the phone is the most ridiculous thing she ever heard. I agree, it's ridiculous in the sense that I can't believe you did that.

Haha, Geraldo's all like, oh my god, I can't believe this phone thing! That was like committing a crime! It's LIKE committing a crime? Geraldo, you're an attorney. Stealing is a crime. There is no special exception for Kenya, reality shows, or the Trump boardroom. She stole, plain and simple and Vivica should call the police, plain and simple. It was a freaking gift Vivica didn't have that nutjob arrested.

Haha, Vivica is so mad she's practically crying. Dirty trick! she exclaims. She and Geraldo are being so loud in the hallway Brandi can hear them, and immediately begins rejoicing that her nemesis is gone. Hehe!

The winners also can't believe the phone thing.

"What's next, poison?" Geraldo says. No kidding! Geez! Easily one of the worst things that's ever happened on this show. Kenya was psycho, period. Also I resent her for making Kate look like a victim. She does not deserve such a gift.

Just a few final thoughts on Kenya. It's really sad that your self-esteem is so low that your only game plan on this show is to sabotage other contestants. She did it to Brandi, she did it to Vivica, and quite frankly she even went too far with Kate, taking completely unnecessary pot shots at her. It's desperate and unoriginal. Did it ever occur to Kenya that menopause is not too far away for herself? She's forty-four, she has only five to ten years left before she's going down that road. How would she feel to be made fun of this brutally? Kenya was not a bad player. She had decent ideas and she worked hard. What is missing inside of you that you can't just rely on those strengths like Leeza or Brandi do, and forget all this drama? What a sad little woman. Goodbye, Kenya.

Next up, they're going to be making a jingle for Anheuser Busch's lime drinks. The legend Joan Rivers is back!

Trump switches Leeza over to Geraldo and Vivica's team. I'd like to think this show isn't scripted but I know that's not always true, and knowing the outcome, this already looks like a set-up to be able to get rid of a bunch of weaker players at once so we can get down to business with the finals. Leeza feels pressure to help the team win. It will be Leeza and Brandi as PMs. Aw, that stinks since they both work so well together. They have a genuine friendship, says Brandi. But they'll be mature about this competition, so that's fine and I'm sure it won't come between them.

Predictably, Geraldo has bad ideas. Leeza steers him onto more of a sports style jingle and pitches much better ideas of her own. Geraldo seems upset her idea is not Latino or about Rita. Rita? Oh, Lime-a-rita. Cute. Leeza says no, we need to focus on coming up with a jingle you can't get out of your head. Yes, exactly. I don't like jingles and I watch as few commercials as possible, I even usually mute them if I can't fast forward them, but she's right that a jingle should get stuck in your head. I remember this one jingle or song from years ago for SmartforLife, a company that looks slightly shady or gimmicky, and my God, I'm still singing that thing today. They borrowed the line "who stole a cookie from the cookie jar" from a classic children's song, but they sang it in a way that made it stick to your head like superglue.  I even sang it to my dog once like a total freak. It's just bad.

Leeza finally borrows one of Geraldo's lines about it being nice over ice, praising him profusely for it, which seems to appease him.

Ian requires absolute silence for his brilliance to flow. Lol, Brandi says they can't talk when "the Lord" is speaking, tee-hee.

I am still debating whether Ian just created this narcissistic, ego-maniac nutjob character for this show as some kind of bizarre self-marketing strategy to get people talking about him I guess, or if this is how he really is. I'm leaning more toward the former after he made a few over the top comments last week that I can't possibly believe he really feels. If it is in fact the former, it could just be one of the most brilliant things anyone has ever done on this show to draw attention to themselves. I mean, he gets more airtime every time he acts like a freak, and it gets viewers talking. About him. Otherwise he could end up kind of forgettable like Johnny, bless his heart.

After all of the Lord our father in heaven's efforts, Brandi and Johnny hate his ideas. The composer, engineer and musicians arrive. Johnny apparently is a musician and has a lot of music friends and is trying to come up with something good, but Ian butts in with another dumb idea to the tune of La Cucaracha. Brandi is really getting annoyed with Ian, to the point where she has to give him something to keep him busy to get him out of her hair. Brandi says Ian is great at everything all in his little head. Lol, he does literally have a little head when most celebs have big ones, which makes him look out of place.

As for Ian, he thinks Brandi is indecisive. He has misinterpreted Brandi trying not to piss him off as indecisiveness.

Things are really flowing at Leeza's team. Their jingle is working. Except for Geraldo. He keeps pushing his ideas, which are totally different than what the girls are working on.

Why in the world is Geraldo bringing up his war correspondent experience again? It really has nothing to do with anything this time, and just sounds like more name-dropping from him, which is getting really obnoxious. He keeps pushing his dumb ideas which even the professional musicians are explaining to him would be really difficult to make work. Leeza calls him aggressive. She's finally had it with him and has to basically tell him NO to his bad ideas.

Brandi listens to both Johnny and Ian's jingles, and really likes Johnny's. But Ian starts pouting "like a little bitch" Brandi says, hehe. It's totally true, he's being a big baby. She finally loses it on him and calls him condescending and disrespectful. He starts insulting her performance, saying the only thing she's good at is using a pen to cross things out and has brought "zero" to this. Whoa, way out of line! This isn't Kate! How come Kate wasn't really picked on like this? How does she get away with everything? Brandi has experience with cat fights and knows what she's doing. She tells him he needs to sit there and shut the F up. Hehe.

Geraldo finally seems to realize that hey, I've lost five tasks, I might as well let Leeza call the shots here and see if it goes any better than when I was running things. Fair enough. Their jingle turned out to be sort of a rap that isn't that bad, "mix it, love it, drink it up!" Vivica and Leeza are dancing like nobody's business. Hehe.

While Leeza's team seemed to have nailed things down, Brandi's team is floundering with absolutely ridiculous jingles that are more stupid and uninteresting than catchy. Johnny's jingle is a little better, sounds like something you might actually hear on a real commercial, but Ian hates it of course, shaking his head in disgust. Brandi says for sure they're going with Johnny's, it's sexy and creative. And there's nothing I-an can do about it, hehe. I think Ian is right that it's a little hard to understand the words, but that doesn't make the jingle worse than his idea.

Time for the presentations, and the choreography for Leeza's team is good, the jingle snazzy. Go, go, go Lime-a-rita or something like that. The executives including Joan and one of the Trump Jrs. seems to really enjoy this. Joan is clapping vigorously. Aw.

Brandi's team performs theirs. They aren't quite as into it as Leeza's team, and I have to admit it sounds rather wordy. The judges seem to like this one too.  Johnny, bless his heart, has always reminded me of Curious George. There, I said it. Beautiful skyline sunset timelapse, photographers.

Geraldo and Vivica say Leeza was a real asset to their team. Of course she was, she's great, always has been. I have to say it makes me feel somewhat proud that I called this one so right. I shared in the first recap that I know friends of Leeza's. And I don't mean people that once met her at a party. I mean they're so close that they even have traveled abroad with her and their respective kids. Anyway, they say she's just a gem. It is nice to see their description of her validated episode after episode.

In her final act Joan Rivers really isn't getting much of an edit. She's barely said a thing this whole episode and is mostly just sitting there sometimes looking rather out of it. Kind of disappointing, I miss her zingers.

Oh Lord, Geraldo compares himself to Carmelo Anthony of the New York Knicks. Gimme a break, Geraldo. These questions are starting to get boring. Who cares what Leeza thinks of Geraldo? Of course she's going to say he's great. This team is too low drama and boring, hehe. Leeza says they were in an "emotional coma" after cell phone gate. Lol.

The questions to Brandi's team are equally boring. Trump, Johnny and Brandi look orange, and Ian looks pink and purple. Uh-oh, Johnny chokes when asked to sing his jingle. Brandi says she could sing it but she's a bad singer. I totally get that, it's obvious the whole singing thing has embarrassed her from the beginning and it would me too. I absolutely hate singing for others, I'm terrible and I won't do it. Ian retorts she should step up. The hell? Trump asked Johnny to sing it, not Brandi. Ian is being a baby who says he thinks they might have lost. Whatever. Even Trump seems to think that's a bit disloyal. Haha, Trump refuses to hear Ian sing his jingle. Exactly, what the heck does that matter?

Joan says the branding and ice in the jingle was good, but it was too wordy, which is what I said, and wasn't catchy. They also found "seƱorita" was too man-based when this brand is for both genders. I would have thought this brand was for women actually. Wine coolers usually are. Where I'm from if you're a man and drink this thing all your buddies will call you a wuss. But if they say it's for both that's what they should have targeted.

As for Leeza, the executives loved "nice over ice" and "for the thirsty in your life." Geraldo's ego explodes, as he came up with both of those ideas. There weren't any negatives! Wow! They win it of course. Because Leeza is all class and refuses to hold grudges, she pats Geraldo on the chest even though he was extremely disruptive to her on this task. She understands exactly how to handle Geraldo. She handles him in much the same way Kate did, lavishing him with praise and admiration. Except Kate really meant it, and was not smart enough to realize that as smart as he may be he has consistently been a disruption. Leeza's just stroking his ego to appease him because she's savvy.

I of course love Leeza's charity for caretakers of Alzheimer's, as that has affected my family very deeply. This money will allow her charity to open in her hometown, she says as she chokes up. This is where this show is about more than satisfying guilty pleasures, it's doing something really good for a lot of fine charities.

Brandi too is all class and says you really shouldn't fire Johnny, it should be Ian or myself. That's just being truthful. Some people hang onto their ethics during these shows to their own detriment, and I have to admit I wouldn't have expected that of Brandi. It's kind of a bummer they're going down in flames not because they didn't work as hard or as smart or as fast, but because one team wrote a better song. I mean, you can be the strongest candidate in the room but you might not be able to write a jingle and would fail this task. Is Trump really concerned about the winner's ability to write a jingle? Doesn't really seem fair, but then reality T.V. is not fair!

Brandi says Ian is disrespectful, to which Ian interrupts her by laughing, proving her point.

Ugh, normally Trump's chauvinism doesn't really bother me and as a working woman I tend to believe we see less chauvinism today than we ever did before. By no means do I witness it every day or even every month. Maybe once a year, tops. We have come a long way since the Mad Men days, and women my age should be appreciative of where we are and all the women before us who paved the way for a friendly workplace. But Trump says, nah, Ian's just very confident and doesn't suffer fools. Why is it if a business woman is disrespectful, it's disrespectful? But if a business man is disrespectful, that's not disrespect, that's just confidence and not suffering fools. It makes me so mad I could spit on that little pile of pee hair.

Ian is convinced his jingle would have won, and now Trump finally says fine, fine let's hear this so called winning jingle. Ian sings it. Trump is like WTF, that's La Cucaracha! WTF were you thinking you dummie, you can't just copy a song, it's not even legal! LOL! The last thing Ian wants to do is try to get Trump on board with ripping somebody else's idea off, not after H&R Block-gate. Ian says well I never intended to rip off La Cucaracha for that jingle, it was more like a springboard to other ideas. Yes, just like Sam Smith never intended to rip off Tom Petty, of course not! Snark! Trying to explain copyright laws to Ian is like trying to explain child support laws to a sheeple. Not gonna happen.

I am not at all surprised neither Trump nor Joan understand why the heck it matters that you had some song you couldn't use but that you were going to use that to springboard it into something you could use. That makes no sense whatsoever. Ian's completely batty and they finally realized it. I just love that Trump validates Brandi about Ian and so does Brandi apparently. Of course that's the dumbest idea ever. Thank you, Trump.

Am I going crazy here? Trump asks. At some point everyone who spends significant time around somebody as nuts as Ian asks that, it's normal.

Ian is gaslighting, now trying to claim that he never said they should use his jingle, oh, no, that's not what I meant. Except that he just said that and said that many times before. Shaking my head. I really wish he would fire Ian and only Ian, he's a freak who didn't help whatsoever on this task.

Lol, Eric finally says yes, you're right, Dad. I think that's the first thing he's said in two hours. "Good son," Trump says. Tee-hee!

Ian, you're fired!

Brandi and Johnny try to leave but Trump tells them to sit down. Oh, no. He says he wants to fire somebody else. This is so unfair. Boo!

Brandi refuses to say anything bad about Johnny. She is willing to get fired refusing to throw that good man under the bus. Eric tries to help her saying what about the fact that Johnny wrote the jingle? Brandi says yes but I approved it. Johnny also won't say anything bad, says Brandi is a kind woman, they've been through so much and they'll be friends for life. Geez, I didn't know they were such good friends. I think that means a lot coming from him. I am pleased that credible people on this show really took to Brandi and count her as a real, serious good friend, as I always quite liked her. I love to be right about D list reality stars, my ego explodes like Geraldo.

Trump looks to Joan for help. Now what the hell do I do??

Joan's like hell if I know, lol. She says ultimately I guess it comes down to the PM, but this seems upsetting to her, she even says I can't deal with this. Wow. Brandi looks at Joan with respect and admiration and says she understands. Brandi, you are a class act.

Trump says Johnny is fired, and Brandi breaks into tears. Then two seconds later Trump says Brandi you are also fired. Oh no, what a tragedy.

Brandi and Johnny both seem very upset. They hug and tell each other it's all good. Aw.

How are they going to show all three of them in the car? They might kill each other.

Thankfully Ian got a separate car I guess and doesn't get to do his goodbye car scene. Haha, ignorant fool. Johnny and Brandi are in the same car together and say nice things like that they are so glad they met each other and it was great to help the charities. That's nice.

The other day I was reading Entertainment Weekly, which I get for free with my airline miles (this grifter can't beat a free deal!) and writer Dalton Ross called this show the "best bad show in the history of television." I concur. It's so bad it's good. I get sucked into the stupid drama with Vivica and Kenya or Brandi trying to manage crazy Ian. I like when Sig freaks out and almost punches his fist through a bar, or Shawn whines about her period only to have somebody bring that up in the boardroom, or Kate blows the whole thing by sitting her ass in hair and makeup all day. The tasks are quirky and fun. I love the Trumps and their weirdness, awkwardness, one-liners, slobbering, and occasional grace. I love Ivanka, Joan and George and the other eyes and ears. There is no other celebrity reality show as badly well done as this one. It's a shitshow, but it's a shitshow I want tickets to. Until next time.