Friday, September 30, 2011

Kate's angry bus stop pickup, Thursday 9/29/11
Is Kate taking the cancellation of the show out on the kids? What could they have possibly done between the walk from the bus to the car that would warrant such a vile outburst?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Parents who force sick and fragile kids to work on reality tv: how much is too much?

Concerning information has been leaking out this week about the Duggar's marathon trip to Europe and Israel. According to a statement from Terem Emergency Medical Centers in Jerusalem, Josie, age 1 (born at 25 weeks and weighing just 1 pound 6 ounces and who has continued to suffer health problems), took ill and had to stay behind in the Holy Land with her mother because doctors wouldn't clear her to fly. Eventually a doctor flew home with them. A family rep is reporting that the whole incident will be made into an episode. This is not the first time the Duggars have filmed Josie during her most medically fragile moments. Cameras were welcome into the highly sensitive NICU during her stay. 

Filming in the NICU

The Duggars have also filmed their other children suffering from chicken pox.

Filming chicken pox

Some of the most questionable decisions Jon and Kate ever made was to force sick, uncomfortable kids to work anyway. Most good parents don't send sick children to school, and yet these children are made to work? With an independent set teacher around (a responsible adult who gets paid whether they force kids to work), a child wouldn't have to be cleared to work when he doesn't feel well, even if a parent thinks they can work anyway.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

International syndication rights and the children's money

Today Kate tweeted she did some "international press" over the phone with six countries. Even though the series is cooked in the U.S., could TLC be gearing up to sell the syndication rights to Kate Plus 8 and Jon and Kate Plus 8 to other countries? The series already airs internationally, including in Canada and England. But it has not yet appeared in dozens of other countries, especially in Asia--countries that may take interest in the cute brood.

Could the children's private moments be played around the world for years and even decades? Since residuals for syndication rights are usually negotiated upfront, does anyone actually think young Jon and Kate actually thought to include international syndication rights in their contract, or that these kids will see one dime of their money every time this show is played abroad?

Should networks be required to provide independent lawyers to their naive reality tv subjects when negotiating complicated, life-changing contracts, including complex international syndication rights? (We say, heck yes.)

Advocates have suggested Reality TV participants should be eligible to join the Screen Actors Guild, which works to protect its members' residuals and foreign royalties.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Regis Philbin changes mind and passes on opportunity for a reality show

The retiring co-host really wanted a reality show, then changed his mind after actually opening his doors to a film crew. "It’s not for me. It didn’t feel right," Philbin said after letting cameras around his family to try it out.

Halloween, 2009
It's refreshing to see more and more celebs turning down reality shows. Philbin said he and his wife did an "experiment" for a few hours with a film crew and had the footage edited down to two minutes. However they decided afterward not to do the show. A few weeks before, Philbin was excited about it, telling reporters, "There are several things that interest me. You know these reality shows? I would love to do a real reality show." But after actually filming? Seems he's changed his mind.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Real Housewife: 'If it weren't for the cameras, there's a chance' husband wouldn't have committed suicide

Taylor Armstrong downplays the role of their reality T.V. show, but Dr. Phil suggests  'exposing the difficulties of your marriage' contributed to death

Widowed Armstrong is on a (questionable motives) media blitz, but perhaps the most revealing interview thus far has been with Dr. Phil (a daytime personality who has emerged lately with surprisingly sharp interview skills), where she talked about how exposing the family's private moments, including the bad, may have pushed her husband to a breaking point.

Will Russell's suicide be a wake-up call in the industry about the dangers of exploiting vulnerable, mentally unstable people, as many have suggested? When Kate and Jon were exposing their divorce on television, how easily could this have happened to them?

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Kate accepts free ipad

The nerve. Instead of suggesting her fans donate to charity, Kate, who drives three cars including an Audi sportscar and just spent a few days in Los Angeles and at the Emmys, is still accepting freebies from fans. She tweeted today thanking a fan for the pricey gift (ipads start at $499 on, and the fan tweeted back that four more are on the way. Is there a GREED app?

Meanwhile, director and comedian Michelle Thorn has created a hysterical parody of Kate Plus 8 ..... a look into the future:

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Kate's Aug. 9 ticket revealed: 23 mph over the speed limit at 1:37 a.m., just hours after rough interview with Joy Behar in N.Y.

The View co-host suggested Kate try lesbianism. In the wee hours of the following morning, Kate was pulled over clocked at 88 mph in a 65 zone

Lancaster Online has the details of one of Kate's four tickets in the past two years.

NYC, Aug. 8, 2011
State police at Ephrata used radar to catch the former "Jon & Kate Plus 8" star speeding on Route 222 North, near Route 897, according to a traffic docket filed at District Judge Rodney Hartman's office. It happened on Aug. 9 at 1:37 a.m. In the remarks on the traffic citation, police reported that Gosselin said she was speeding because she was trying to get home to her kids. Gosselin mailed in her guilty plea and paid a $174 fine.
Some interesting facts: Kate was just on the Joy Behar show that day, August 8, where Joy wouldn't let her off easy. When Kate tried to sidestep some questions about fertility and blame it on something other people  tweeted, Joy threw her own quotes back at her, "No, no, no this is you" Joy told her as she read the quote back to her. Joy also told her she was going to have a really hard time finding a man, and "I think you would be better off going with lesbianism because a woman would be probably easier." Kate's reply? "Oh, my gosh."

Monday, September 19, 2011

Kate at 2011 Emmy Awards

Although no photos have appeared, Kate tweeted she went with a friend to last night's Emmys. The same day, Kate also wrote in a blog post she wished she had more hours in the day to "spend more time playing and talking with my kids."

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Will a camera-free life be a difficult adjustment for the Gosselin children?

Experts worry about the dramatic change back to "normal"

For so long so many people had been fighting, hoping, wishing, even praying the Gosselin children won't have to film their private moments anymore, but now that Kate Plus 8 is finally canceled, the question becomes, how will the kids adjust to what is normal for the vast majority of children, yet perhaps so very foreign to them?

"The children are so accustomed to the camera that they're going to need affirmation," said Robert Galinsky, actor, writer and founder of The New York Reality TV School. "The camera will no longer be there to shine a light on them, and that light was never authentic anyway — it was just there to suck the life from these children. They're going to seek other ways to be fulfilled."
And Dr. Russell Hyken of St. Louis, a psychologist specializing in education and a former teacher, had this to say: "When children are showered with attention because they're on TV, that creates behavioral problems because they become more attention-seeking."

Even Galinsky, who makes a living trying to get people on reality television, thinks the industry should be regulated: "Reality TV took the entertainment industry by surprise. No one could have predicted that it would last this long, with no end in sight. Guidelines have to be drawn up at some point to protect these kids, because there's nothing now."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Roundup: Kate's pricey jaunt to New York City, another speeding ticket to pay, and the ladies of The View (finally) jump ship

Kate, who claims to be "freaking out" about her financial future and complains constantly about Jon's child support, got her beans spilled by her hairstylist this week. Instead of pinching pennies to survive, she was in NYC today getting her hair done, followed by dinner at Fig and Olive, a Mediterranean restaurant popular with celebs like Robert Downey Jr. and Leonard DiCaprio. If her finances are so uncertain, why is she blowing money in NYC .... or racking up speeding ticket fines? Kate received her fourth speeding ticket since 2009 this week, issued on September 11, 2011, of all days.

In other news, Whoopi Goldberg, who once so desperately tried to convince the other ladies of The View Kate is an "angry bitch" who should be voted off DWTS, has finally brought them around that Kate needs to be voted off. As in, this planet.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Jon to single mothers: 'Kids don't need money, they need love'

Jon doled out some simple, yet profound words this evening as the curtains were drawn on the final episode of Kate Plus 8. We wish this good father we've watched for six years, a father who has proven over the past several months he really does walk the walk, a life of happiness, love, and perpetual privacy for his children.

(Press play)



Discussion Thread: The Finale 9/12/11

Finally, the last episode of Kate Plus 8! Oh, happy day!

Meanwhile, Kate begins a soft launch of her official web site, promising more information about and photos of the children. Has she gotten permission from TLC and Jon to run such a site? Time, and the courts, will tell.

The Finale
TLC, 9 p.m., TV-PG
Kate and her 8 kids have made unforgettable memories over the past 7 years of filming. As the show comes to a close, the Gosselins say goodbye to the fans and reminisce about their favorite memories. Also, hear from family friends about their experiences.

Kate's press tour before series finale--9/12/11

On Today, Kate calls Jon's job out of the public eye 'mediocre'

Kate makes the rounds of Today and the Wendy Williams show this morning. Will anyone bother to question Kate, who has been on a poor me tour this week claiming to be "terrified" and "freaking out" about the future, about this little purchase she successfully hid from the public since April?

Friday, September 9, 2011

Jon to Kate: 'There are families out there that have several kids, people work normal jobs and things work out .... Reality television is not a career'

Jon speaks out during Kate's latest poor me tour, telling Kate to "Get back to normal life, simple life, provide for your family."

Meanwhile, Kate was hoping no one would notice a certain third wheel hanging around, an Audi sports car.

Photoshop courtesy of Kristi

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Kate's real wheels exposed: The struggling mother has the nerve to show up in an Audi sports car after telling People how worried she is about her financial future

Kate admits on Twitter she owns no less than three vehicles. 

Including this two-seater Audi she bought in April, which she claims will save gas. After insurance, fees, and maintenance, how does she figure?

 Which is it, Kate, are you rich, poor, or just plain stupid? This is why lawmakers have to write laws protecting the hard-earned money of children in the entertainment business, because parents just like her cannot be trusted to do it on their own. Congrats, Kate, you're why.,,20526134,00.html 

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Recap: RV Breakdown 9/5/11: This is Kate’s story. She is responsible for being alone.

Coming up on Kate Plus 8! The party bus is gushing sediment like Old Faithful (real sediment, not emotions), Ashley and Kunta Kinte are giving winks and nods left and right hoping somebody, anybody is a conductor on the Underground Railroad and might get them out of here, and Kate’s having a love affair with Steve. If only in her head.

Credits. Aaden! Collin! Joel! And for a brief 10 seconds, it’s all cupcakes and bunny rabbits until the reality begins.

Day 8, Jackson Hole, WY! TLC must have put out their lemonade stand this past week and have forked over a little extra cash for some Western sounding guitar rifts for the background music. I find it rather coincidental that viewers were complaining how odd and dark last week’s episode was without music. Wouldn’t you know it, suddenly part two is full of chirpy guitars. Why would you make part one of an episode dead silent, and bring in a full orchestra for part two? I think someone was busy in the editing room this week--TLC is so transparent, aren’t they? But since they are finally admitting they hate Kate, too, as evidenced by the past few episodes, I’ll let this one go.

Some light-hearted teasing about the party bus/boring bus, with Ashley playfully writing “boring bus” on a window, turns into a perfect opportunity for Kate, who is bending over the campfire serving up some undercooked turkey bacon, to point out that she does all the work and Ashley and Jamie lay around all day getting hot rock treatments and sipping pinot grigio with the other Housewives.

Kate jokes that had she and Jamie been in the same RV they would have killed each other by now. I’m not so sure Kate is the best person to be joking about that. She’s pissed off so many folks over the years she probably qualifies for the witness protection program. “There’s still time left,” Jamie quips with a subtle, yet distinct eye roll off to the side. Ha. You know I never really liked her, but things are getting warmer between us.

For some reason they skip completely over Jackson Hole, where some people reported on Twitter/Facebook seeing them. Kate would have us believe this is because Kate was lovely and wonderful there and thus it was edited out. I think more likely there was just too much bad behavior to squeeze into two measly little episodes, it would take an epic 12-week miniseries at least. They then begin the day-long drive to Utah, and suddenly on a winding mountain road the party bus starts smoking really bad and has to pull over. Jon, you didn’t slash the tires during the night, did you? What’s revealing about this is that as the boring bus passes the smoking bus, there’s another Challenger RV right behind it. Oops, weren’t supposed to see that folks, look over here, not there! Likely I assume the third bus is where Kate, and perhaps someone else, really spends most of her time. We’ll call that the smoosh room bus.

A cop comes by to try to help, and, uh-oh, this isn’t good, the engine is gushing ugly brown sediment everywhere! It looks like Jon literally took a screwdriver to it and pretended it was Kate‘s face. Jon, you got the wrong bus, she’s over there in the boring bus! Well, at least we know how the party bus really feels about Kate.

Kate and Steve have a long boring hubby-wifey conversation about what to do, and decide to order some SUVs. For ordinary people, this sounds like a nightmare that could take hours and hours or even all day, but Kate seems to think she can conjure up a couple of SUVs in the middle of nowhere Utah like you might call in a pizza in New York. I’ve been to Utah and it’s just lovely but I think Samantha Stevens here doesn’t have a clue. Kate goes over to the party bus and yells at everyone to start packing up luggage for two days. What she tells them right now will be important, so remember it, because she’ll lie about it a short time later. When Jamie goes off to the bedroom to start packing, Kate for some reason I sure as heck can’t figure out accuses her of acting like a child. I don’t think Jamie heard that, because I’m certain if she had, the knock down drag out would have happened right there and then in all the sediment, Laura Ingalls/Nellie Olsen style. Kate is probably wondering which character she would be. Hint: the prairie bitch.

Another golden (platter?) opportunity for Kate to trash the party bus, calling the boring bus ship-shape and organized. Which is exactly why they would be the boring bus. Also she rudely imitates the party busers’ blank stares and lack of urgency. She doesn’t understand that with a narcissist, you can either move your ass, or you can stay sitting there and give your narcissist a blank stare, but either way you‘re gonna get chewed out for doing it wrong. And sometimes, moving your ass gets you in worse trouble--more things Kate can choose from to criticize. So sometimes, with Kate, a blank stare is actually your best option. But really, how urgent do they need to be when they’re trying to get two rental SUVs out to a winding mountain road in Utah? They could be here longer than the Donner Party with this kind of trouble, and we all know who would be eaten first. Meanwhile, cute little piano ditties and something going ba-ba-ba-bum over and over is playing in the background. The music truly makes all this so much easier to handle, like a soothing wave machine by your bed at night. If only the Donner Party had the luxury of a TLC piano-guitar track.

Jamie, who by the way has been lauded as Kate’s best friend forever for two years now, approaches the camera, puts her face up to the lens and says, “She’s such a *BLEEP*!!” Oh, so that’s why this was rated TVPG L, because somebody finally told the cameras what they really think of Kate. Or at least it wasn’t edited out this time. Go Jamie. We support you and your fatty creamer against this witch!

They manage to get everyone to a rest stop, and Steve is essentially yelling at Jamie about where she put all their stuff while Kate makes rude faces at her. Jamie is explaining that she followed directions and packed up two days' worth of stuff, but doesn‘t know where it went after that, and Ashley had the exact same understanding and did the same thing. We saw in an earlier clip it somehow got routed by a driver outside the RV. Kate gives a bitchy little laugh of disbelief, and here it comes! Jamie grows a pair faster than a Chia Pet and gets up in her face and says, “You know what?! I can get on a plane right now and leave!”

Kate is spouting some nonsense, most of it lies, about how she told Jamie to get checked luggage and carry-on luggage, an explanation we certainly never saw. It’s so bad Steve has to tell Kate to go to the other bus, as if he’s the level-headed husband trying to help everyone get along. Because Kate has absolutely no friends or family she can lament to, she bitches to the camera about how disorganized (i.e. fun) the party bus is. Meanwhile, Jamie and Ashley are commiserating in their bus about how Kate never said before what she is saying now (Ladies, she lies for a living, get over it) and how absolutely silly this is, which they would be absolutely correct about. It’s sad that Cara is standing right there, one thing that stinks about being the child of a narcissist is that when it’s this bad, people can’t help sometimes talking about her in front of you. It’s still her Mommy and I imagine it must hurt very deeply to know people don’t like your Mommy even if you‘re well aware why. Incidentally though, Cara backs up Jamie and Ashley and says yes I heard two days, too. Bet Jamie is really regretting all the times she left her children back home in another state to go be Kate’s shoulder to cry on and personal slave through Kate’s divorce. That’s what happens when you allow a narcissist to feed on you, eventually you realize what you’ve done and then come the big regrets. Jamie just got there before our very eyes.

The semi-tow truck shows up, they don‘t even seem to want to tell us God knows how many hours later. Kate says she thinks generally her attitude has been very good. If she means, very good at making everyone else miserable, I agree.

Kate is disappointed in Jamie for her attitude and goes on and on about what a screw up she is. Kate blames this entire thing on partying all day. I’m confused, if you party a lot, the vehicle you are in will break down? Is this anything like those folks who used to try to scare normal warm-blooded young people by saying if you do a certain something you’ll go blind? “That’s what they get!” Hannah, or possibly a parrot, shouts from inside an RV. I know that sounds very mean, and it is, but since the little kids still have to stay with Kate in her RV, it serves their best interest to just back her up as much as they can no matter how ludicrous she is being. I also get the sense that Kate is teaching the kids when bad things happen, God is punishing you for something, like being disorganized, or getting a granule of sugar on the floor. Some more guitars take us into the commercial break. Welcome back, guitars, it was scarier than I imagined without you.

Upbeat drum kit leading us into Day 11. What happened to day nine and 10? Those were the days Kate was busy rocking some malnourished babies and nursing a kitten with a broken leg back to health and so of course it was edited out? It’s the editing I tell you!

They pull over the side of the highway and now Kate is throwing a fit because Jamie and Ashley can’t find some of the kids’ swimsuits. She tells the cameras that she texted instructions “this long” and holds her hands about three feet apart. A three-foot long text message just about swimsuits? My phone would probably automatically reject that one. I give her credit there, it must have taken ages to tap out three feet worth of all her usual convoluted nonsense and lies on her fifth pink iphone. “I don’t know how they could survive without me!” she laments. Well, for starters, the family might actually enjoy their vacation. Wouldn’t you know it, after just a little looking Jamie comes up with the swimsuits. All that moaning for nothing. More orders from Kate to do things her way, something about unless there are 16 tornadoes I must have my way, though really, Jamie, I wouldn’t bother, as all those instructions will be changed up the next time you touch base. Kate is like a human bingo cage, something new spits out every time you play. As Jamie walks back to her trailer, she sticks her thumb out to hitchhike. Ha! Oh, Jamie, a girl after our own hearts!

White water rafting on the beautiful Colorado. Ha, Ashley and Jamie are like this is our chance to escape, get a boat! When you’re spending the bulk of your vacation plotting how to get out of there, something is not right. Next thing you know they’ll be getting tattoos on their chests resembling the blueprints of the RVs and a map of the Colorado down their arms.

Mr. River Man tells the kids to pee in the river. Kate tells them they can’t do that (why?) but without so much as blinking Mr. River Man outright vetoes Kate and tells Clay to get in the water and demonstrate, yes we will pee in the river and have fun, screw you, Kate. I can already tell this little part of the trip is going to be great.

Kate wants the little kids in her boat, and doesn’t want to get wet. So, she’s going white water rafting but doesn‘t actually want to get any white water on herself? What, that orange tan isn’t waterproof? Seems her stupid logic applies not just to all her f-ed up relationships, but extends to river rafts as well. This is rather like holding your hand over a fire and demanding you better not get burned. Let’s see, what else can Kate dream up to complain about? Ah-ha, the seat is too hot. When Mr. River Man helpfully tries to wet it down, she freaks out and scrambles to the front of the boat, the wettest part, as Mr. River Man informs her. Ha.

“Sit down!” Kate’s husband orders her. I believe he forgot the other half of that, which would be, “and shut up!” Or if you prefer and probably necessary in this case, “shut the f up!”

Ashley, bless her heart, tries to educate the kids a bit about how this river formed the Grand Canyon. Eh, who wants silly trivia like that you’ll only ever need if you’re a contestant on Jeopardy when you can shout incessantly at Mr. River Man to make the boat go straight?

Jamie and Ashley are harassing the “boring boat.” They’ve turned into the mean girls, only Kate deserves every last stinking bit of it. I’ve never cheered for bullies before, Kate has brought me to this point. “Is it snack time? You only get one!” Jamie mocks. Heh, that’s great. So Jamie’s noticed the absurd portion control too? What’s next, Kate doles out ration cards? Isn't it wonderful to know after all this time, we, the non-fans, are not crazy after all?

Kate shouts back that they stuck her with the preschoolers. What preschoolers? She must mean her own multiple personalities, right? Not these smart, funny, growing seven-year-old kids going into first grade who really should be in second. Mr. River Man, God love him, calls Kate out: Um, as I recall, lady, you chose to ride with the “preschoolers.” As I recall as well, that’s exactly how it went down.

And in a very telling, multifaceted statement, Kate replies, “I did because they’re the youngest and they’re the um, the most defenseless.” Yup, control, that would be it exactly.

A couple rapids you would call kiddie if you‘ve ever done this before, and I keep wishing it were Kate that Kevin Bacon tried to kidnap and take down the Gauntlet and not Meryl Streep.

Kate is still complaining about getting wet. Mr. River Man cuts her down to size, telling her he made sure she didn‘t get a drop on her, that was the gentlest part of the river, I never said what you said I said I did (none of us ever said what Kate said we did, Mr. River Man), shut up you f-ing bitch, and the like.

The kids go swimming, Kate goes grimacing.

“We’re gonna give out an Academy Award at the end of the day and I’m nominating you,” Mr. River Man tells Kate. Baw-hahaha! He reminds me so much of our dear friend and Kiwi national hero Brad. Same story, different setting. Do you suppose River Man has a nephew working at a sky jump in New Zealand?

“She’s the type of person that can test one’s patience,” a producer says to Mr. River Man. Et tu, Brutus?

“Mm-hm, I would say that,” Mr. River Man replies. You know those moments in sports where you‘re watching the big game and they throw the Hail Mary pass and the receiver catches it, and you realize you just witnessed history? This is like that, only not nearly as fun. One for the history books in the land of Kate.

Day 12. The producers are in full on sell Kate down the Colorado river mode, as much as they possibly can with only a few days left. They interview the little kids, who say they much prefer the party bus, and the boring bus is very boring because all they do is watch T.V.; it’s “sad” one of them says. Yes it is very sad when all your mother cares to do to help keep you happy on a very long trip is to gather 200 DVDs together. Makes you wonder what’s happening at home.

For Kate’s next clue about where they are going, she takes an axe and carves out a long line in the dirt. I would try to take a guess what the heck this is supposed to be this time, but someone as unstable as Kate carrying a weapon as dangerous as an axe is leaving me too paralyzed, even the nice little guitar riffs in the background aren’t reassuring me this time, just please put it down, slowly. The kids once again guess it right away, although this time they say it was because they heard Jamie mention it. Boy does this piss Kate off that Jamie told them about that huge missing chunk of earth deep crevicey thing. Known to those not in the middle of a complete psychotic breakdown as the Grand Canyon. It doesn’t matter to hypocritical Kate that hypocritical Kate covered a bunch of containers with giant “Food for the RV” signs and that’s how Mady found out about the trip in the first place. Jamie’s response to all this? “She can kiss my $%&.” Oh, like she would bend over for that, Jamie!

More bus problems, this time with the generator on the boring bus. How cozy, Kate and Steve are sitting at a little table together to talk out this problem. This time Kate takes it much more calmly, and is even proud of the kids for handling it so well, probably because there is no possible way she can blame this on anyone else this time, certainly not Jamie and Ashley. You know she was racking her brain for a good three hours trying to figure out how to pin this on someone. When something bad happens to the party bus, it's all their fault. When it's Kate's bus, it's like we're frolicking in a meadow because why would it be Kate's fault?

Things were going so well until Kate announces they’ll probably switch RVs tomorrow as that is only fair. What the hell? I didn’t hear Kate offering to give up her RV when the party bus broke down. What a hypocritical piece of work.

Kate wants to cook chicken with grills Jamie says the RV park doesn’t even have; everyone else wants to just make it easy and get pizza after such a long day, including Steve. Kate stomps off in a huff, “I don’t care, that’s rude!” she shouts at Steve.

What’s rude, that everyone else wants pizza and Kate wants chicken? That’s not rude, that’s called majority rules. Maybe Kate thinks the expression is majority rude? She does tend to mix up her idioms a lot.

Kate demands Steve come into the RV to talk to her, like a hubby-wifey talk. When he won’t do it (because that’s weird, bizarro, outrageously inappropriate, all of the above?), she slams the door on him. Steve finally agrees to go in because how else will this ever stop? Mady explains to the cameras that Mommy threw a fit over pizza because they already had a candy bar today, and was upset about someone taking a photo. Oh, it all makes sense now. Not! Which is sort of Mady's body language.

Steve and Kate come back. And, we’re getting pizza, folks. HA-HA, he’s a stronger man that Jon! Kate, who is having an affair with Steve in her head, says we have footage to prove Steve scoffed at her about something or other stupid thing, this is so over, the chicken is going to waste, and wants Steve to take care of someone taking a photo across the way, which Steve refuses to do. You know, because it’s a public place and it’s a free (and great) country and all that. Incidentally, in a hot room in Philly sometime in the 18th century, the First Amendment was written exactly for people like Kate who don't want any of their misdeeds documented and criticized. Go Founding Fathers, especially the ones from PA. How could you have such foresight? I don’t know what Steve could be doing with that pair of pliers he keeps pinching throughout this other than visualizing pulling out Kate’s upper bicuspids with nothing but whiskey for anesthetic. Kate is tearful, because that’s what she does when she has absolutely nothing left to stay to justify her terrible behavior, but still holds out some kind of delusional hope we’ll sympathize with her.

Steve blames this all on the lack of air conditioning, and when asked if he would ever do a trip like this again, he replies “With these people? Ask me in about six months.” A random member of the crew, Danny, also cannot wait until this trip is over. Don't know where he came from, but, funny.

Day 13. Grand Canyon. “Ashley, don’t choke nobody,” the driver warns as they disembark. Is it so bad we’re contemplating first degree murder now?

Cara is very upset over some kind of dispute over underwear, and although it’s disturbing to see her so distressed, I have no idea why Mady got punished too. They are not the same person, Kate. But both Mady and Cara get sent to the RV to wait with Ashley. Unbelievable.

‘They look out over the beautiful Grand Canyon, which Kate calls wasted space. People with dollar signs for eyes like Kate can never, ever appreciate something that doesn’t give you something tangible back like dollar bills--they’re too busy wondering how many condos and McMansions they could squeeze in there. Kind-hearted Jamie just keeps talking about how Ashley, Mady and Cara are missing it. I know, aw. Kate says the canyon stretches 10,000 miles. No, Kate, try 277. Maybe she’s mixing this up with the Mary Chapin Carpenter song?

(Play as you read on, it may soothe you)

More RV trouble again? I am downright convinced Jon is paying someone to pour Koolaid into the gas tanks in the dead of night. Some light hearted teasing between Kate and Jamie, with the best comment of all being Jamie saying the kids' "attitudes go away when they come over here.” I bet they do.

Kate discovers that the party bus is digging into the pizza leftovers. She marches over there and demands they hand over Steve’s slice, as it was reserved by him last night. How old is Steve again, 12? Jamie is basically like, well, none of us knew that, but no problem, Mady will give it to him. Next Kate freaks out because Mady handed it to Steve with her bare hands, without wrapping it in foil. What the whaty what? Mady sobs, “Mommy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know, okay?” Aw, poor kid.

Kate says she is always the jerk on the trip running around like a nut. She knows? Ashley tearfully says she’s tired of Kate’s dramatics and that Kate always acts like Ashley does nothing. Exactly, Kate has zero appreciation for all her nanny’s hard work, five years worth of it. Kate says she’s the mastermind. So was Hitler.

In front of their window, Kate repeatedly insults Jamie and Ashley telling the cameras she does everything, Jamie and Ashley are not the same people, they have an HD TV and she doesn’t (oh, the humanity!) and other cruel, hateful things. Ashley slams the window on her, rightfully so.

Kate admits they helped, but they didn’t help enough, they didn’t ask her what they can do to help, which sounds exactly like what she used to say to Jon! He also finally couldn’t take it anymore. By the way, the nice thing about these episodes for Jon is that most of America not only understands the Ed Hardy phase, but now commends him for it and can’t fathom why it didn’t last longer. Really, Ed Hardy was as harmless as a sandbox and juice boxes compared to what he’s been through.

Ashley and Jamie, the adults still oriented to space and time on this trip, essentially say a blowup over one piece of pizza is childish. Which is pretty much what the 400 comments in this blog’s discussion thread said too, so at least they are not alone.

Commercials, and we’re back, and is Kate really, really going on about the stupid pizza still? And the HD TV. That HD TV really bothers her, doesn’t it? 27 Dresses just does not look as good slumming it on standard definition! Also she throws in that she is paying Ashley and Jamie, because I guess if you’re getting paid, you are not allowed to have feelings. Kate says they’re always 20 minutes late because Kate is doing everything.

Seems to me the camera men are filming Kate’s tirades for a bit, then skipping over to Jamie and Ashley to get the real story, then back to Kate, and back again. Heh. Ashley says actually, since Kate went there, the real reason they were late is because Kate was showering and doing make-up for two hours while they watched all the kids. We all knew that, don’t worry, Ashley.

Kate feels bad saying bad things about people she loves. I don’t believe for a second she really loves these people, because if she did, she would stop right now. Actually, she never would have started. She says they don’t take posh trips. Good one! Wait, that wasn’t a joke? See North Carolina, Alaska, Australia, New Zealand, the resort in Mexico, the foot licking in NYC, must I really go on?

Ashley lets it out of the bag that she’s been treated like this for five years. Thought so about that, too. She wipes away her tears. I feel for her so, because I was once in her shoes nannying for a famous (and nutty) woman’s children, I loved them, too, and I cried, too when I finally knew that as much as I loved the children, I mean really loved them as my own as she does, for my own sanity I had to leave. This is so very heartbreaking and personal for me, as I’m sure it is for so many other viewers, but in a strange way, I’m glad this all came out before the show is done for good. Maybe up in that big blue sky there was a reason this show dragged on so long, and it was so people could be pushed so much that they would finally let out the truth before all was said and done and these kids were left alone with their mother and no viewers anymore to keep tabs.

“I would die for these kids but I can’t spend one more minute with her,” Ashley says, “Please send me home.” The crew says they’re working on it.

A graphic says during a private conversation Ashley told Kate she was leaving. Kate will claim later she didn't know. Someone is lying, and I just checked, odds are now 400 to 1 it's Kate. Outside the RV, Ashley tells the kids “I love you with all my heart, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.” Who would be so horrifically evil as to tell the kids that? Hmm.

What I find so telling about this scene, which I don’t think has been mentioned yet, is that even Clay is there, looking up at Ashley sadly, so sorry to see her go. Ashley is such a sweet girl and good nanny even Clay feels the loss after only spending a few days with her. Ashley, if you ever stumble across this, you are a good person and a good nanny, don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

The kids are sobbing and telling her how much they love her. I am sobbing, too. It’s bullshit Kate isn’t there to comfort them and is only interested in telling the cameras her side of things. Kate’s reaction to Ashley leaving is “whatever.” She has to move on, people leave her life, she keeps on going. As she is driven away, Ashley says she’ll always love them and be there for them but just couldn't take it. Jamie says essentially she’s staying for the kids. She did not expect such a sad ending. Eh, I did, since it’s Kate.

Kate says pretty much everyone leaves her eventually, and makes it sound like it’s because of the kids. This sounds so familiar, because she pulled this same tired shtick when Tony walked out on her on Dancing With the Stars. And what I said about that a year and a half ago still rings true today:
Thank you for not quitting, Kate tells Tony. A lot of people have quit on me in my life. I wait for Tony to remove his cowboy hat and tearfully quiver, “I wish I knew how to quit you, Kart!” Whoops, wrong movie.

Now, see, if you didn’t know Kate that well, like maybe this is the first time you’ve really seen her in action, you might fall for that pathetic and manipulative “Everyone has quit on me” comment. But don’t, and I’ll tell you why! People in Kart’s life don’t quit on Kart. Kart DRIVES THEM AWAY. She has estranged all the children’s closest relatives and friends. She goes through nannies like the kids go through organic fluffernutter. You wouldn’t know it the way she tells it, but she filed for divorce first, not Jon. Yes, check the archives of Radaronline, the Shopping Kart is the Petitioner and Jon is the DEFENDANT! She actively drove him away by treating him like a doormat. She’s amassed more enemies than Bernie Madoff. Kate has always wanted us to believe that all those people are wrong, every single one of them, and she’s right. Uh-huh….This is Kate’s story. She is responsible for being alone.

It was Kate’s story then, it’s Kate’s story now, and unless she gets some serious mental health treatment, it will forever be her story.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Discussion Thread: RV Breakdown

Kate Plus 8
RV Breakdown
TV-PG (L) (for language)
Sept. 5, 9 p.m. EST TLC

The Gosselins are halfway through their RV road trip and it has been a vacation like no other -- full of adventure and drama! But when the RVs experience mechanical issues, will Kate finally reach her boiling point? And later, someone decides to leave.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Reality T.V. stars, their impressionable young fans, and body image

Kate Gosselin has many fans who are teenage girls. That's why a lot of people were outraged when she tweeted the following this weekend:

"Can never be tiny enough lol."

Kate has also mentioned dieting, exercise, and what size she wears, multiple times, including on Twitter (even uploading photos of her salad dinners), and in interviews, and even on the show (last week she was complaining about full fat creamer and mentioned she is a size four).

Like it or not, whether Kate is just being herself on a reality show, she has become a role model for (some) young girls, just like this age group looks up to actresses who read scripts. Kate's constant obsession with discussing her weight, her diet, and eating habits, and her exercise routine, is a bad example for vulnerable young teen girls who should be focused on school, sports and friends--not their bodies. Reality T.V. stars, especially those popular with young people, need to have an awareness of  their fanbase and an awareness of how what they are saying could influence a teenager. There is such a thing as too tiny and Kate should be aware of it--anorexic, bulimia, crash dieting, and poor body image run rampant among teenagers. Anyone in the public eye should guard what they say in this culture of body obsession.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Recap: RV Trip 8/29/11: Even FDR would prefer his lettuce chopped, not torn!

Coming up on Kate Plus 8! The Griswold’s road trip, remember that? Picture yourself in Clark’s shoes. You accidentally kill Aunt Edna‘s dog when you forget you tied him to the back of the station wagon, the hotel won‘t take your check so you have to steal out of the cash register to pay, the not-a-boob-job hot chick driving the red Ferrari turns out to be just a figment of your imagination, and when you finally get there, Walley World is closed for repairs. Only picture all that about 666 times worse and you’ve got the vacation (a.k.a. TLC‘s great revenge) that Kate is about to take with Jamie, Ashley, the kids and a massive support system that rivals the production crew of Celine Dion’s What’s Goin’ On Show--Live in Las Vegas at Caesar’s Palace through 2012.

Credits! Sheesh, from all this happy music and excited shouting (Mady! Cara! Alexis!) you would think this show is sooner about lollipops and Leprechauns. When really it’s a highly unethical psychological experiment of misery and infuriation and one cruel, delusional, batshit crazy bitch.

Weird serious graphic flashes across the screen: “In July of 2011, Kate and her kids embarked on an RV Trip … ” What is this, did Michael Moore join production?

Day 13. Oh, are we starting at the end and working our way backward? Will Kate wake up from a drunken night of clubbing and foot licking in NYC, wondering why there is a baby and a tiger in the room, Jamie’s missing a tooth, and Steve is nowhere to be found but his mattress is on the RV roof?

It breaks my heart to recap this part, and I think TLC, and Kate, and anyone who had a hand in letting this be filmed are sick, disgusting human beings. Ashley cannot stand it anymore. She says to Kate, “I’m done! After this trip, I’m done!” Mady, Cara, and Collin are literally sobbing and wailing Ashley’s name as she packs up and leaves. Ashley’s devastated, too. This show has never made me cry before until now. Actually, one other time I cried, when Kate suggested that kiwis are birds without arms, but that was tears of disbelief as I could not comprehend the sheer stupidity.

Flashback to Day 1 and Kate is packing like it‘s the second coming and she actually thinks she‘s not going to get Left Behind. I know it‘s the wild, wild West, but we do have grocery stores and Targets and even a couple gas stations out here, too. I hear tell some folks even have that fancy newfangled cable T.V.! Also, no aliens, don’t believe the movies! Kate wants to surprise the kids with each location. Eh, rather she’s just too lazy to take them to the local library and help them read up on what they‘re going to see. Kate also tries to play this off like it will be leaked to the paparazzi. The concept that no one gives a flying rip about her 100th stupid stressful child exploiting trip is as foreign to her as physics, or even, American history.

Even though Kate has tried to keep it a secret, sharp as a stick Mady has already figured out they are going on an RV trip, how? Because her stupid mother labeled a bunch of containers none other than, “FOOD TO BE PUT IN RV.” Oops. Oh, and Mady heard Kate talking about it on the phone while Mady was standing right there. Remind me never to hire Kate for espionage.

Kate snaps at Mady to get paper towels. For what? Why, to wipe a little dust off the bumper off the van. Oh, good, I thought it was something serious like she hit a deer or somebody vomited again or something. Mady is going as fast as she can, bolting back inside, but Kate shouts, “Honestly! Get a little bit of fire under your butt! Man! You should know by now whenever you’re helping me you should be running at all times!”

“Sorry,” Mady murmurs, chastened. I may cry more than once this episode yet.

The RVs are on the lawn and Kate starts shoving stuff in the storage below the cabin and being a big baby about it, crying she hurt her hand. “Uh, um, at some point we’re going to have to stop playing ‘we’re filming a T.V. show’ and really work because I’m really done,” Kate snaps to what appears to be some production off camera.

So this whole time we were playing filming a T.V. show. Ah-ha, I knew it!

More rather creepy documentary graphics. Also, as someone pointed out, there’s no music. Budget cuts? What’s next, no more Starbucks and manicures for Kate? This is like a prison movie. I need upbeat drums and an intern screwing around on a keyboard to soothe me, I‘m getting anxiety otherwise.

“Two days later, the Gosselins flew to South Dakota to meet up with their packed RV’s.” Jamie and her kids met them there.

I need a second. Hahahahaha. Hahahaha. Okay, I’m good. I never realized the “road” in “road trip” meant you hire some stranger to do the driving for you and you fly out and meet them later. This is like paying someone to say Hail Marys for you. Or if you like, having children only to leave them to nannies like Ashley to raise while you twitter all day. Missing the point, really, really, missing the point.

The kids all pile into the gigantic RVs and explore. “It’s small!” is Hannah’s first reaction. That makes sense. To Kate, millions upon millions of dollars is not enough to fully fund college, so why wouldn’t a huge luxury RV famous rock stars use all the time on tour be “small” to this family? One thing that will become very clear about this episode? Just as we feared, six years of giving kids everything they could ever dream of is finally catching up, and it’s very sad to watch (and certainly, not the children‘s fault). Kate wanted her kids (read: herself) to have everything, and this is the result of that misguided wish.

“Don’t touch anything!” Kate shouts psychotically. Kate brags that she is a size four (heh, and those girls are real too) as they squeeze into the narrow area between a counter and the table. I missed how it happened, but Collin cuts his elbow. Kate screams at Jamie to pass her paper towels, pronto! Your name is Jamie, not Kunta Kinte!

Kate will be driving. Who wants to go with her?! Beuller? Beuller?

Collin raises his hand, probably in the vain hope this will somehow improve his standing a millimeter or two up from the basement of the totem poll. Hannah, the golden child, raises her hand because she’s the golden child and likely has no clue what the rest of the children are going through, as her life with Kate is relatively great. Someday, she will most likely be the one disputing the tell-alls that come out about her mother, saying that never happened they’re just making up lies for money, because for her, she would be right, that never happened. Jamie’s son Clay raises his hand because he hasn’t spent that much time with Kate and is blissfully unaware, though not for long, of what a living nightmare being around her is, especially if you are of the male persuasion (he will get an education very soon, read on). Leah raises her hand, then seconds later puts it back down in regret; perhaps she thought she was being asked who wants ice cream. And that’s it. Just three kids of the eleven want to be with Kate. In a democracy, or even in Charlie Sheen la-la-land, this is called … LOSING!

“Hi, I’m Mike,” the RV driver says as he shakes Kate’s hand. Mike what? This is a man who is going to be around her children 24/7 and she’s just meeting him now? Hm, has he gotten a background check or did production just pull some random trucker off his rig at a weigh station somewhere in Maryland on the way up?  Hm, you don’t look like a child molester, how would you like to drive around an RV for a couple weeks with Kate Gosselin? Would a little extra hazard pay sweeten the deal? Okay fine, a lot extra.

Kate takes a stab at driving. “Hold hands,” Hannah says snarkily, “so if we die, we die together!” Ha, good one, Hannah.

Also, what’s a bit odd is that all the sextuplets are now riding with Kate when only two of them wanted to go when they voted. Either the six decided they’d rather just be together narcissistic witch at the wheel or not, or their votes don’t mean a darn thing in the dictatorship that is their lives. I’m guessing the latter. (We find out later, it's the latter. Kate decided herself where they would ride before they ever even left. I hate adults that pretend it's a democracy and take a vote knowing all along they're just going to do what they want vote in their favor or not.) I guess it’s good the kids are going through this together and look to each other like this. Their lives, I mean. Hold hands, sextuplets, so when the narcissist eats your souls, you’ll all be eaten together.

“If you care about your life you’ll ride quietly,” Kate orders.

“How would you ride quietly?” Hannah retorts. I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds funny! Kid’s on a roll!

You know what’s kind of sad about Kate driving for about a mile and a half? The kids are so supportive. Lots of things like, “you did it, Mommy!” and clapping. Far more supportive of her accomplishments than she has been of anything they have ever done. The wacky role reversal here, where the kids are rapidly emerging as far more mature and normal than Kate, meanwhile Kate just keeps regressing to become even more childlike and crazy, is fascinating. "Jesus, take the wheel," Jamie quips. Ha, good song. I guess when you have to be around Kate, all you can do to survive and not poke your eyeballs out with a plastic fork is just keep making snide remarks like that one.

Day 2! It's been cold and drizzly for a few days (huh? We're only on day 2 and it was sunny yesterday) and Kate says everyone's feeling cooped up so they decide to go out in the rain. "You are weird," Hannah accuses Clay, who appears to be doing nothing more benign than playing with a stick. "According to science, you're weird," Clay retorts. Hey, that's a good one, Clay. "You're mean!" Hannah cries, outraged. Well, Hannah, when you start with someone, that's often what happens, they dish it right back, and it can be mean. Ask Kate. On second thought, don't ask Kate, she will deny she ever instigated anything.

"I think camping and freezing cold temperatures with me must go together," Kate says. And I think camping is trying to tell her that, much like the rest of the world, they don't want her.

The kids start a playful mud fight in the creek. How confusing for a child who one day is not allowed to get even so much as a granule of sugar on the floor, and the next is allowed to roll around in the dirt like it’s Woodstock. This will be the one and only time on this trip Kate relaxes and has fun with a child, only it won't be with any of her own kids--she chases around Clay and they sling mud and get the giggles and have a good ole time. My mouth is sort of half open because I've never seen Kate interact with a child like this in my life. She is covered in mud so it's hard to tell, maybe this is just her stand in? Will the real Kate please come out and hit her mark?

 "Have I ever told you how much I love you?!" Kate cries as she puts him in a headlock. I don't know, but when's the last time she told her bio children that? This whole thing should be so cute. But because she never, ever cuts loose with her own children, it has this bizarre undertone. In a way, it's almost like she's trying to rub it in with her own kids. What message she's trying to send them, I don't really know for sure, (maybe, if only you could be like Clay then I could really have fun with you?) because it's the mind of a narcissist and their motives often have no basis in any rational thinking. Weird.

Since everything is on Kate's terms, when she decides she's done and announces as such, all the fun screeches to a grinding halt. These kids must have developed amazing brakes by now.

Day 3! Leah says she was claustrophobic during the night because it was cold and she was zipped up tight in her sleeping bag. That's a big word for a little girl, good for her! I’m guessing she learned it from Kate. This McMansion is so claustrophobic! First class makes me claustrophobic! Steve, make me claustrophobic!

They all pile around the tables in the RV to have breakfast. A little griping from the kids, but the biggest whiner is Kate. They only have full fat coffee creamer, blech! For some reason, Kunta Kinte gets blamed for this. “Yes! All right!” Jamie says with a Jersey-shore style fist pump. Good for her, way to stand up for normal food!  By the way, I find it rather insensitive when a very thin person who really is the last gal who needs to worry about her weight, constantly talks about dieting around friends who aren’t necessarily as horizontally blessed.

It took all night to organize, Kate is freezing cold she was awake all night and her back is killing her. Organize what? A few foodstuffs? What could possibly take so long to line up some cereal boxes, put out some plastic spoons and some fatso fatty-pants needs to get on Biggest Loser to have any hope creamer? Or maybe she means she was organizing her hooker heels? I can see how that might keep one up all night.

Kate has some bizarro explanation I can't follow for why she ended up in one RV with the younger kids and Ashley and Jamie in the other with the older kids. But the real reason is, because nobody likes you, Kate, but it‘s easier to force the younger kids to go with you. Kate’s response to getting stuck with the little kids, you know, her flesh and blood children who are sweet and funny and full of life? “Oh, crap.”

The kids want a servant to go get them extra blankets and things they need. That's Steve, one of the kids says. That one little comment told me so much about how these kids have been groomed to perceive their world. Without a hint of irony, Kate tells them, no that's not Steve's job (Steve is for my vanity, not yours, child), but "someday when you’re rich and powerful, you can have a servant, but you’ve gotta work hard.” Yikes, these kids have worked their butts off for six years even through vacations (with no time and a half!) and for many of those years for free, how many more years does Kate envision they will have to do this before the reap any rewards? I guess early retirement is out of the question.

Day 3! Kate gathers the kids at a table and lays out some clues as to where they are going. A rock, a hammer, a chisel and a dollar bill. How do these all fit together, Kate asks. Um, um, um, I know! Things you can use to knock the stupidity out of Mommy with? Dollar bill, hmm. Uhh, what will be left in the bank for the kids when all is said and done?

Mount Rushmore! Mady blurts out about three seconds later. I’m not sure why this surprises Kate so much, Mady‘s far from stupid. Mady gets the dollar bill for a prize. Better go ask for some change, Mady, Kate will want her 85% of that.

They arrive at Mount Rushmore, the kids have to go to the bathroom and for some reason this really annoys Kate. “We’re a photo opportunity!” Kate cries. She wants the kids to be ready to go at the door of the RV’s to run out when they get to places. One of the kids says if you don’t give me a warning when we are about to get there how the heck am I supposed to know where we are and whether we‘re almost there? Such a good point!

People are taking authorized photos and tweeting them! Kate bemoans. I never saw any photos from this attraction at all, though there were a few tweets after the fact. Kate? Public place. The law says you can take photos of whoever you want if they‘re in a public place or the paparazzi wouldn‘t be able to exist in the first place. There’s nothing “unauthorized” about this. Also, maybe if you didn’t traipse around everywhere with a huge camera crew and boom mics and producers with headsets and a bodyguard, people wouldn’t realize you’re anyone famous, and wouldn’t take photos and tweet! Most people would assume it’s just another school group if this weren’t always such a spectacle. Like waving a sign around all day saying “Somebody please sock me in the face” and then being upset when someone actually takes you up on it.

“There’s nothing we can do about it,” Jamie says sensibly. Exactly, so what is the point in being upset and throwing a fit and upsetting the kids? Ashley’s body language is crossed arms and annoyed. Jamie and Ashley have more common sense in their little fingers than Kate could ever hope for, and their attitudes are eons more healthy for these kids right now than Kate’s.

As they walk to the monument, Jamie whispers to Ashley, “Why does she care who takes pictures? Who cares? They’re going to take pictures.”

Ashley, bless her heart, tries to muster up some kind of defense for this delusional monster she calls her employer, “Well, they don‘t want….” Ashley defended Kate because a good nanny defends the mother of the kids no matter what, and yet Kate threw her under the bus on twitter once the episode aired. Kate doesn’t deserve Ashley’s loyalty.

“But they’re going to do it no matter what,” Jamie goes on, there’s nothing you can do, so why get all stressed?

Jamie, you are applying logic to the most illogical person I’ve ever seen profiled on camera. Like trying to eat fluffernutter without it sticking to the roof of your mouth, it’s impossible to make sense of Kate. Don’t hurt yourself.

It’s so foggy you can barely see FDR up there. Even Mount Rushmore wants Kate to GO AWAY nothing to see here move along. Yes, you heard right, that’s FDR. Even Ashley goes along with this, which doesn’t bode well for home school’s reputation, I hate to say it. Cara is like, ummmm, I’m pretty sure that’s Teddy. Kate insists it’s FDR and even pulls out her pamphlet to prove it. Sure, that’s FDR, right next to President Ben Franklin, Chuck E Cheese, and that guy who invented Post-its. How long were they here, seems like two seconds later we’re turning around. Get enough for the dailies and move on.

Arthur Fry, American hero
Kate is on some tirade about how everything in the RV is broken and she planned and planned. She is talking a mile a minute and sounds truly manic. Something about there are no restaurants? There are very few places in America where you can’t drive to a restaurant within an hour, what in the world is she talking about? She really loves to make it seem like she is schlepping the kids on a sun-burnt pilgrimage through the mountains of Tibet with one canteen and some freeze-dried potatoes and no compass. And no shoes. No matches either.

Day 5! Her next clues are a banana and a rock. Hmm, let’s see. She fantasizes about a rock on her finger from Steve, and wishes she could peel his banana?

Yellowstone, the kids guess almost instantly. Really Kate, stop just finding whatever is within reach and work to come up with some more challenging clues. They see a buffalo and snow. They stop to play in the snow a little. This whole scene goes on for what feels like three hours. Really, TLC?

Jamie and Ashley say they have the party bus and Kate has the boring bus. Shots of the party bus doing what normal fun people do on RV vacations. Eating junk food, laughing and screaming, doing Blair Witch project parodies. All around fun, what vacation should be about.

Shots of the boring bus. Kate removing dirt from under Collin’s finger nails and giving him a warning. Ha. What was that warning, to stop being a boy? Who's next, step right up, kids! Kate is bitching the RV is inconvenient because she has to adjust the little pillow behind her back.

Kate is excited to see Old Faithful because it’s an iconic part of our country. I suppose she thinks it shoots up Jello pudding? Ha, the producers are just having fun with her now, though she appears clueless to it. Do they know anything about Old Faithful? one asks. Sorry to say, no, Kate admits. She Googled it on the way over. I’m guessing she was that kid who scratched out their book report on the back of a bus seat on the way to school and doesn't care if they fail because they're the greatest anyway.

Mady starts to go on about what she knows about Old Faithful, then kind of stumbles and says she wants to start over. You mean, take two? No! says Kate. Oh, give the child another take, Kate, have a heart! You probably would give yourself ten! In case Old Faithful didn’t know, it’s all about Kate. She is about to spew just like it!

Kate does an interview about the day and says it was beautiful but the kids weren’t very appreciative. What, crazy? Does she listen to her children at all? The kids said they loved it, and Leah said that Old Faithful was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. That’s hardly not appreciative, especially for just a seven year old. Kate is in what is arguably the most spectacular park in the entire country and all Kate can talk about is being back in her own bed.

The kids are racing on a rocky path and some of them get scraped up. Cara goes over to Ashley and accuses Clay of tripping them. The whole thing is on film, and that is absolutely not true. He just slipped. Poor Clay, his expression is like, you’re not believing this are you? Thankfully, Ashley handles it well, telling her firmly it was an accident and she can go sit in the RV if she wants. Good girl, Ashley. There are no playing favorites here.

Kate’s back to her tirade about how much the RVs suck. Hint to Kate, when you’re doing a product placement for Challenger RVs, you might want to say a few nice things about them. Just every couple days. Hey, Challenger? Your RVs look rockin’ to us, in fact, here’s a link to y‘all! Why, Kate could even mention them in her manic tweets. But Kate wouldn't know how to promote something if it hit her in her leathery face.

Day 6! We’re almost halfway through this vacation from hell. Still in Yellowstone, a cranky breakfast in the RV. In the absolute middle of breakfast, Kate decides to grab a vacuum, drag it violently across some rocks, and vacuum the RV from top to bottom. This actually seems to calm her as she breaths a sigh.

After breakfast, Clay wants to play legos with Collin and Cara. Cara is so upset I can’t completely understand her, but she starts crying to Ashley that Kate said she didn‘t have to play with Clay. Ashley is like, No she didn’t, that‘s ridiculous?! I understand Ashley is fed up by the constant absurd undermining by Kate, but sadly, she lets it get the best of her and throws the lego box on the table and stomps off, slamming a bedroom door. Sigh.

You know, I understand a girl Cara’s age not wanting a boy his age around. But it’s an important lesson to get along with other kids, even kids you don’t like, and indulging their desires doesn’t help them.

Cara goes crying to Kate but heck if Kate wants to deal with this. She does everything she can to pass her off on Jamie, Ashley, Steve, the muffin man, Mr. Ed. Anybody but her please handle this. Finally Kate says tell Clay to sit somewhere else. Oh, that's fair. Not! Cara marches back to Jamie and informs her Clay has to leave the table. Good for Jamie, standing up for Clay. She doesn’t indulge this. Jamie goes over to talk to Kate. Kate tries to blame this on any child but Cara, but Jamie pegs it right from the get-go. Kate, the problem here is Cara. Not Collin, not Clay, not anyone else.

“Keep Clay away from her, please!” Kate retorts.

That’s how Kate deals with anyone she disagrees with, isn’t it? Just get them away, don’t deal with them, estrange them out. Never deal with your people problems head on, that’s for wusses!

“You need to control Clay!” Kate has the audacity to say to Jamie. Jamie is the one who should be packing up right now and getting out of this with a big F-U, where the hell does Kate get off? Not to mention, I have not seen a single solitary second of footage that remotely suggested Clay is a problem. He seems quiet and agreeable, sweet and fun. He enjoys playing with sticks for pity sake, how much trouble can he be? I suppose that’s just the editing, right Kate? He’s really a monster?

Finally Kate is just like, you play with your legos and Clay plays with his. I don’t think that was the issue, the problem was playing with each of their legos at the same table. Ashley is just kind of laughing in disbelief saying this is bad, there’s gonna be a knock down drag out!

Still on Day 6! Yikes. I guess we’re camping for real now? The kids gather rocks.

Kate went to the grocery store, it must be organic, Jamie snarks. Ashley says the trip is stressful and actually it‘s mostly the adults who argue, not the kids. They say as long as Kate stays in her bus they’ll be okay. Okay, they’re just bitter now. There’s this interesting bond developing between Ashley and Jamie. I’ve seen this very same phenomenon happen among normal people who have to be around a narcissist. The worse the narcissist treats you, the closer you feel to other victims. Also this can be seen in hostage situations, where hostages come out of a two-year ordeal tied together in a dark basement, and feel like long lost sisters.

She’s baaack! Wowser, where did that nice GMC red SUV come from? Just appeared? Is this anything like that roll of paper towels that appeared on the porch one day?

Kate gives orders to her slaves to cut and wash and chop. Steve, like most men in Kate’s life, is just trying to stay out of this all, which becomes a lot easier when there is a fire to tend and lighter fluid to pour on it. Stuff like that somehow always manages to keep men busy for hours. Meanwhile Kate freaks out on Jamie for ripping some lettuce instead of chopping it.

“If you have to rip it, I’d rather chop it, really!” Kate tells her.

Jamie gives her a confused look. “If you’d  rather rip it you‘d rather have to chop it?” Jamie, stop trying to understand the crazy. Really, you’re going to injure yourself.

More childish sniping over an onion. From the adults. The kids are hitting and tipping each other over in the chairs and crying. The adults don’t know what to do anymore but just ignore it all. So what do you do when it all goes to hell? Why, makeovers! Out of the blue, Ashley starts painting eye shadow and eye liner on the girls. Um, what? The only thing that would make this family seem any more dysfunctional than at this moment is to doll up the seven-year-old girls.

Kate scorched the chicken over an open flame. Really bad choice to cook chicken over an open flame, it‘s one of the most difficult meats, and dangerous, to cook that way. The cavemen never would have invented fire had they known Kate would have screwed dinner up this badly. Kate says she nearly burned the chicken. And a circle is nearly round. The chicken is absolutely charred. Honestly, I don’t know what the plan is for tomorrow! Kate brags. You don’t have to when production does it all!

If you think TLC hates Kate after watching this episode, wait until you see what happens next week.