Monday, July 28, 2014

Paul Petersen: There is 'damage being done to' the Gosselin children

In the second time this month a major media outlet has discussed the Gosselin twin's appearance last January on the Today show, Paul Petersen has spoken out to Yahoo T.V. The child advocate and former child star had this to say about the twins' "choking" on national T.V.:

""That was the most frightening example of the damage being done to these kids. They were incoherent. They couldn't say what they really felt. They'd been turned into these performing seals, and not for their own benefit. If they had at least been child actors, they would have a support group of similar kids. I think this is doing tremendous long-term damage — the kind of damage that you really don't see until 10 years later."

Just last week, the hosts of The Talk, two of whom are former child stars, had similar criticism for the appearance. describing the twins as "shell-shocked" and "overwhelmed." Marie Osmond added, "As a parent, you need to look at your children's needs individually. I saw that Today show. Those girls didn't want to be on T.V. They shouldn't be on T.V. and that should be her responsibility as a mother."

Thank you Paul, Marie, Sara Gilbert and other former child stars who give these children a voice. You know better than anyone the dangers here. Of all people, Kate should listen to you.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Kate blasted by the hosts of 'The Talk': 'They didn't get a chance to choose it.'

Sharon Osbourne, Marie Osmond, Sara Gilbert and other industry experts discussed Kate on today's show. Said Gilbert: "Any time you're putting kids on T.V.--I was a kid on T.V. and I wanted to be there--but if you're putting eight kids on T.V. from the time they are tiny you don't know which ones want to be there and which ones don't. ... I chose it. They didn't get a chance to choose it."

Osbourne also explained that people in the business, like Gilbert's legendary family, have a much better understanding of how the industry works than ill-prepared and naive reality T.V. families from middle America: "It's our industry. We know what we're going to get, you know what you're not going to get. So therefore, it's a whole different thing."

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

NBC fires Kate's season of The Apprentice?

The annual Television Critic’s Association Summer 2014 Press Tour is in full swing (it goes for 16 days!), and on Sunday NBC offered a little bit of information about the current season of The Apprentice, which wrapped a few months ago. 

Reports NPR's Eric Deggans via Facebook, "NBC admits they have created a season of Celebrity Apprentice but haven’t put it on their schedule. No clear answer why. #TCA2014"

Is it possible Kate's season might never see the light of day???

With leaks that came out like that one, that's really disappointing!

Monday, July 14, 2014

The life expectancy of reality T.V. stars is getting shorter

USA Today's Gary Levin has written an interesting opinion piece about the rise and fall of reality stars.

Honey Boo Boo's ratings are dropping as she gets older.
Duck Dynasty, Honey Boo Boo, and the Kardashians, all whose fame exploded not too long ago, kicked off new seasons recently with disappointing ratings. Honey Boo Boo has only been on the air for two years and already has lost half its viewers.

Comedic legend Joan Rivers weighed in on the fading craze too with some rather insightful comments: "People are beginning to realize that reality shows are not reality shows." She believes Honey Boo Boo has "grown up too much" and says the Robertsons "totally ruined themselves" with patriarch Phil's comments about gays and blacks, But, she says, "the Kardashians will never leave us, because they keep growing us new ones."

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Recap: Kate Plus 8: Sextuplets Turn 10 part 2: I hate Kate!

I love sports. I love them for many reasons, and one of them is every so often something really good and pure and genuine happens. Something that shows us something so wonderfully human and tangible. It makes the occasional stupid scandal forgettable, we forget about the millions of dollars going back and forth that sometimes taint the purity of the game, and it reminds us that we need professional recreation in our lives. Especially international events like this. It makes our lives fuller in any case, and certainly more fun.

One of these great moments happened this week during the phenomenal USA-Belgium World Cup game. As you probably heard, we lost. But we lost playing our absolute hearts out, sweat and blood and spit flying everywhere until the final seconds, which makes any loss that hard-fought just plain honorable.

So, we pretty much lost because some Belgian who must be about 15 years old named Kevin De Buryne scored an impossible goal late in the game, threading it through about four different defenders straight into the corner pocket. Not too long afterward the same guy had an assist for their second death-knell goal that won it.

Kevin looks remarkably like Prince Harry too, so predictably that was the perfect storm to set Twitter ablaze.

People are saying Prince Harry looks like Kevin De Bruyne on the Belgium team. I disagree. I think Kevin De Bruyne looks like Prince Harry.
— Eric Stonestreet (@ericstonestreet) July 1, 2014

Times like this Twitter is tolerable.

Anyway, turns out Harry's Doppelgänger is not just a prince but also a stand-up guy. Late in the game in what I think was extra time or almost, when all the guys out there must have been absolutely dead, Harry had a fantastic steal away from American Jermaine Jones. But while trying to kick it away, Harry accidentally kicked it straight up into Jermaine's face, absolutely pummeling him across the head.

You know those old cartoons where they get hit by a sledge hammer and then all these stars float around their head? That was pretty much Jermaine's face. He kind of fell to the ground in a heap. Jermaine just broke his nose last week so you can imagine how that must have felt. Prince Harry's expression was utter shock and sympathy. Sort of an, "Ohhhh, man that's gotta hurt!!!"

Harry quickly jogged back over to Jermaine, looking at the refs and holding up his hand to indicate the game should stop. He then squatted down, tenderly placing his hands on Jermaine's chest, and then grasped his hand in his, waiting for help to arrive.

If you've seen a soccer field it's gigantic, and help does take a good 15 to 20 seconds to get there. That must feel like an eternity when you're seeing stars. I imagine it's not as bad though when royalty is with you, holding your hand. It was an awesome moment.

Anyway, I bring this up because this is more than just what true sportsmanship should be. It's just how human beings should behave in both competitions and in life. If someone is hurt or hurting or you hurt them, not only should things stop for them, but you should go comfort and help them. This makes the world spin round in a manner that creates order out of chaos and good times even in defeat.

Last week on Kate Plus 8 when Mady was injured at Play Days, instead of holding up her hand to stop and going over to help her, Kate just kept on pummeling her until Kate won. Belgian Prince Harry's simple act of kindness and sympathy just shows how deranged Kate's thinking is. Prince Harry is a normal, nice guy. Kate on the other hand is an abnormal, cruel woman. Kate's way does not teach any life lessons like she so smugly thinks. It does not make the world go 'round. Instead it derails it and makes everybody miserable. We should all be more like how Prince Harry was just now and less like that waste of space.

Coming up on Kate Plus 8. God is giving it His best effort to stop the Hobbling Harridan with plagues of hail, wind, velcro and birds. Well, unfortunately God failed and she's still around and tweeting. He should have gone for the locusts.

May, and it's yet another new look for Kate. Maybe that's what she meant by piecing and patching. Piece a trend from October 2012 here, patch another from January 2013 in here. This one is sort of a poor man's attempt at the super dark roots look that was trendy nine months ago. Only rag mags would try to convince us that ever looked good. As usual Kate can't pull it off. To me she always looks more like a two-bit hooker on the corner of Hollywood and Vine than she does Sarah Jessica Parker. I get it. I always look like it's Halloween whenever I try anything trendy or outside the box but at least I know my own limitations and just stick mostly to Sketchers, leggings and bangs.

There's a photo of Shoka featured prominently in the background, just so we remember Shmoopy never really abused him. Oh, okay.

Credits. It's 5:45 and Shmoopy's up already and messing around with something or other in the kitchen. Are they on the first breakfast or the second? I don't care, because I'm too distracted by the clip boards attached to the back of some of the children's chairs like Doogie Howser is going to walk in at any moment and start analyzing your urine sample results. 

Two questions immediately spring to mind. What the heck is on those clip boards and why are they on only some of the children's chairs? It's so flipping weird, but not much surprises me anymore about the level of psychosis in this household.

Hey, remember the awesome computer diary Doogie would type in at the end of every episode? I bet he never was careless enough to throw out those discs. He's smart.

Good gracious we certainly typed slowly in 1991, were we really that bad?

Because the internet is awesome and amazing, somebody actually collected every single diary entry from the show and put it in blog form, complete with the correct dates and everything. It includes forgotten gems like this one: "They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Maybe if we all spent a little less time beholding -- We'd be a lot happier." F-- yeah, now that is a platitude worth repeating!

Thank you, good sir or madam. Bookmarked it!

Kate gets up every single day of her life at 5:45 a.m. Not to be nit picky but she's said many times on Twitter, even as recently as a few days ago, that they sleep in to ungodly late hours when they don't have school, so I don't think that's true. But fine, what's another lie.

They spend an untoward amount of time telling us what time they get up and how the morning routine goes. The thing I fear for these kids is that they may think any of this is even remotely interesting and grow big heads. This is not interesting. They are, bless their hearts, not interesting. At all. Not even the time they get up in the morning is interesting. I'm a big fan of children understanding they are not special. The adult world is easier on people who understand they're not special. Sorry, Mr. Rogers, but it's true.

I'm partial to this guy's high school commencement speech in which he said the opposite. You, little Johnny and Suzy, hate to say it, are not special whatsoever. Now good luck to you. It went viral because it was a great message.

They text each other in the house, which I think is preferably to screaming and shouting frankly, which they also do. Kate wants an intercom system. She should get one. The house I worked in had that and I have to say it was the nicest feature about it. Instead of screaming, shouting, or wasting time searching for various kids, I'd just pick up the phone, hold five I think, and say "monkeys, come to the kitchen Admin has dinner ready." And there they'd come even if they were downstairs or outside. It makes for a more peaceful house all around.

The kids seem to like the breakfasts she makes and they talk about how healthy the food is. I don't think white bread, eggs and cheese every day is the healthiest. I think their mother is hopelessly ignorant, not healthy. The kids are still brushing their teeth in the kitchen while Kate looks on? That seems like it may have more to do with control than anything.

Oops, Kate says they've been doing this so long it runs like clockwork. They can get ready for school in 50 minutes. Well, I have to say that is very impressive. Good for them. I think it takes a normal sized family about 50 minutes if not longer. But then doesn't that prove the point things are not as hard as she makes them out to be? Seems like the kids, who despite some of their issues are overall pretty decent kids who usually aim to please, are pretty much keeping this train on the tracks with little effort from Kate anymore. So does she have it hard and is this just so difficult, or does the U.S.S. Gosselin keep a tight orderly ship that practically runs itself? I would hope the latter by now. Heh.

The producer asks the boys what does Kate do while they're at school.

Oh, okay, so he was wondering too. I'm interested in this. I've been scratching by head over this for years.

"Work," Joel says. He's been reading the script I see. Work where and doing what exactly? I ask. Ha, Joel adds that sometimes she goes back to sleep. Well yeah I figured that much, Shmoops. How nice she found some job where you can punch in and then go back to sleep. She runs errands, says Collin. Um, errands are not work. You cannot classify as "work" what everybody else has to do too whether you have a real job or not. It is rather called, "things everybody else has to do too whether you have a real job or not."

Nah, Kate's not really running as much as she used to (she must mean since Coupon Cabin stopped paying for it) because well you see, she broke her foot.

Let me stop you right there. Toe, toe, toe, toe!!! according to the children. Can I just say it's amusing how God damned stubborn she is? Even when all the kids have explained she certainly did not break her foot, she still won't let up on that story. It's remarkable.

What? Wait, she "broke" her "foot" when the perpetually coming soon "cookbook" came out and wasn't that like in September? This is May, some nine months later.

Kate also doesn't have time to run anymore anyway. That's understandable with all the "work" she does while they're at school.

Yawn, Kate likes to do everything over the top. Yawn, Kate buys paper plates. Oh this must be at Michaels where one of the shoppers there was annoyed she and the crew were blocking the aisles. Heh, I love how much most of the locals can't stand her or this mess. Poor Shmoopy's pulled in all different directions by these damn kids and some days just wishes she could throw in the towel. Being a single mom is so tough. Oh well, shouldn't have had eight kids then divorced their father and estranged all your family and friends. Shoulda bought that cactus instead.

She never meant to portray herself as super woman. Oh, that's why she joined all those smug Mommy bloggers at The Stir. So we are reassured she actually is just like any other mommy, the truth is, sniff, sometimes she cries behind closed doors.

I like when she says shit that makes her look unstable.

When she feels overwhelmed she reminds herself it's okay to mess up the important thing is you not give up. Throw that on a poster. Now imagine doing all this with a real job.

Commercials. I heart me some Blake Shelton but sadly the Pizza Hut near me closed and was replaced by a pretentious looking Jamba Juice. If you can't even make a go of a Pizza Hut and end up getting replaced by juice you might want to get out of the restaurant business.

We're back. I still think it's funny they were so cheap with the credits and little intros that they couldn't even get one updated photo of the family. Literally the Kate Plus 8 family photo has to be three years old. Mady and Cara are half the size they are now. It's tacky looking because it's so cheap.

Kate takes the kids to the mall to pick out new outfits for their party. As usual Mady and Cara are dragged along but they make it clear they were not permitted to buy anything and were bored out of their minds as am I. I still don't understand why at their ages they can't stay at home for a few hours while Kate does this nonsense with the younger kids. They seem well old enough to me.

I don't like this discussion about the younger kids and their boyfriends and girlfriends, I think these questions are embarrassing most of them, so I'm skipping this part.

Because when she's miserable she has to make everybody else miserable too, Mady tells the kids anything they've picked out is ugly.  I'm very sorry the kid is obviously struggling with many things right now and I don't see how filming is going to help anything.

The next day, and I feel like they're explaining every little mundane thing in every little mundane detail. It's not a home improvement show. It's really getting tortuous. The bottom line is, Marie Antoinette here is going to bake a cake.

Kate's off to the bus stop while the cake cools. She needs to be out the door in "32 seconds." For the longest time I thought her odd times (like awake at 6:02 a.m.) were done just to be cute or funny. Now I think in her rigid mind it actually is 32 seconds to her just like it was 246 toothpicks and four left in the box to Rain Man. Maybe for work she could be a timekeeper of some sort. Maybe working for the railroad as a dynamite detonator. I like Westerns.

Suddenly a huge hail storm rolls in. Sort of. It wasn't exactly anywhere near her house but it did hit the bus stop. Okay those are scary. We got those maybe once every couple years back East and they actually are quite dangerous when it's happening, if you are out in it. If you're inside, using your brain and staying put it'll be fine. A really bad one like this may only happen once every ten years. They can also really dent your car or cause other damage. Kind of funny they use footage of the storm from The Reading Eagle since that newspaper absolutely hates Kate Gosselin and her ten years of scams. Heh.

I don't like parents who freak their kids out. We should not pass our fears down to our children. Kate is at the bus stop clapping at the kids to come on, it's dangerous. Well, the storm is over now and it's sunny, so I don't quite get that. They have plenty of time to get to safety should it start up again. She hurries them into the van in an absolute panic. The problem with this attitude is that in the span of 30 seconds you may have just made your child afraid of hailstorms for decades to come, and unable to handle them rationally and reasonably. It's okay to have a healthy fear of danger but it's not okay to deal with that fear by panicking. The sad thing is I think she thinks behaving this way makes her look like a caring and protective mother. Sigh.

They head to the pet store to get some beta fish for the party. Hm, I don't see anybody asking the parents of their guests if sending them home with a live animal is okay. You can't have a carnival without winning fish, Kate explains.  Gaa, these people. I suppose these are the same people that can't have a circus without abused animals, or Sea World without orcas who live in a small swimming pool as their life until they finally snap and eat their trainer. The tide is changing in remarkable ways, and these people should know they will be left behind. It's happening.

"This is starting to feel real," Kate says dramatically. The... party? Good grief you would think she is talking about having her firstborn child or earning her PhD without the D. It's just a stupid birthday party that was pretty much catered for them anyways.

Commercials. The most random people are able to get reality shows. Leah Remini, really? I mean I like her just fine but not enough to care what she does on a day to day basis.

We're back, and Kate is whipping up some frosting that has 2,000 pounds of butter. Well, then she could say it has a ton of butter and actually not be exaggerating. The layered cake looks good actually.  It's moist and has a good color, although someone on the blog here pointed out it didn't really rise. True. Here we go with yet another long, mundane explanation. I'll skip this.

Zorro, who apparently is quite a fine method actor, creeps slowly toward the cake. Yes, he's out of his cage and supposed to be perched on some little tree thing on the counter.

"Stay!" Kate commands. I don't know if birds respond to things like "stay." Uh, maybe she should put him in his cage?

Finally his big moment to show his chops, er, rather beak, is here and he flies into the cake and takes a bite.

Kate is shocked that this happened. Shocked I tell ya. Lol. You place your bird two feet away from the cake. He is eyeing the cake like he really wants it. He is even walking toward the cake. And you're shocked that this happened. She's not exactly the best at reading body language now is she?

You know, he only got a tiny piece of it. I probably would have cut that piece out and figured out a way to replace it with frosting somehow and not say anything. But because Kate is 12 and can't handle anything more complicated than a shoebox, she cries and bemoans how she can't serve it now and the party could be ruined and what will she do about the cake?

Brilliant screen writing here and Zorro hit all his marks.

For someone doing it 99% alone, there sure are a heck of a lot of workers around doing various things for the party. The tent people show up and could you put it a little to the left, now a little to the right, now do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around, perfect. 

The "surprise" for the kids is here. It came on a flatbed truck and Kate shuts it away in the barn. Based on that information I can't rule out that it could still be a Jonas brother. This is Kate we're talking about after all.

Kate's friends all live out of state, which is both funny and odd. Jamie flew in for the weekend to help out. Good ole Jamie, I remember her and Ashley and how much Kate pissed them off on the Yellowstone trip. It just so happened Jamie's kids would be away that weekend. With their father whom we're told they live with? Just saying. I always found it ironic that for all the hate and judgment toward Jon, none of Kate's fans judge Jamie or ask why her children don't live with her full time either. I have no idea what Jamie's situation is but there are dozens of reasons that custody might not be balanced that have nothing to do with whether one is a good or bad parent. Because I have no hate in my heart I've always given Jamie the benefit of the doubt on that. I just like the hypocrisy.

Jamie understands Kate. I'm glad somebody does. They are sooo similar, says Kate. Why, they even got divorced in the same year, "ironically." Hey, Alanis, that's not ironic, that's just a coincidence or perhaps even poor misfortune.

Nothing that happened on or off camera has affected this sisterhood of the traveling pants. And that's the sign of a true friend, says Kate. No Kate, that's the sign of a true enabler who I guess doesn't have the self-esteem to insist she be treated with kindness and respect by her so-called BFF.

God tries again with a freak wind storm, interrupting the family as they are trying to paint signs for the carnival. Just to drive the point home, God blows the papers straight into the heated pool. Lol, God.

"Can somebody shut the pool gate at least!" Kate screeches.

You shut it, bitch. You're the closest. She finally does.

What's funny is in the midst of all this you see what looks like a cameraman and a producer running away from all this and not helping. Not that the Jane Goodalls of reality T.V. should be interfering with what's going on, but it's hysterical the way Kate is screeching for help and production just runs away.

You know what's awesome about this? The kids love it. They fish the papers out of the pool, and Alexis blurts how funny it was, like a word scramble. Kate of course is beside herself. God owes me a perfect day tomorrow, Kate says to God as she points at the sky. So she really does have a direct line to Him like her letters to Jesus in her book. I wonder how one gets chosen for that.

I like kids and I hate adults. Adults who act like this anyway. The kids will remember this forever and get a chuckle out of it forever. Lighten the F up.

It's getting late and everyone is inside now. Kate is still pacing and strung out. The kids are fine, laughing and playing with their iPads. Why is it always the girls who are playing with the iPads and the boys watching, may I ask? Is that an iPad mini in addition to their regular gadgets? Sheesh.

They eat the cake that Colin Firth over there jumped on/the producer threw him on. Kate has to trust the party will come together tomorrow but she doesn't really think it will. Well, that's kind of rude to the catering company who did it all. I'm sure they know full well what they're doing.

Thirty-six long minutes in and it's finally time for the party at last.

"One person, too much to do," Kate says. She's just such a tool. Not to even mention the catering company there is proof did it all, what about Jamie (and as you will see Deanna) who flew in, the twins and their friends who did help seemingly for free as far as I can tell, and the birthday kids themselves? They all helped a ton! Like 2,000 pounds of butter a ton. Wtf, I don't understand her and why she always has to marginalize anybody else who busts their butt for her.

At the last minute Kate is able to get a carnival cake that looks like a big top. It's cute. It was probably ordered three weeks ago by production.

What is with this episode? Now we're spending what feels like ages watching them stuff the pinatas. This really has gotten to be just like watching old boring home movies. I can't believe anyone in their right mind thinks this should be a weekly series. With the exception of Zorro's great escape and the water boarding she did to the poor thing afterward, there is nothing remotely resembling an interesting plot here. They got nothing.

There's literally people everywhere helping out. People setting up the various stands, Mady and Cara's friends helping out, other unidentified adults doing things. I swear to god for about ten seconds I thought that blond chick with the shower wet hair and pink shorts was the new nanny. Then she spoke and I realized it's Shmoopy herself! She's so skinny. Who is she? What is she?

Kate and Jamie are setting up something or other with a staple gun and Kate is out of staples and doesn't know how to change them. For someone who does it 99% herself she sure is helpless. What did she do when she was out of staples before and she was doing it 99% herself? Maybe just stand there and hold it together with her fingers until the 1% gets there?

I don't understand the point of a party if you're going to be running ragged and stressed out beyond belief the whole time, but that's just me.

I love the two second clip of Kate giving orders to the twins' friends. Their body language is so 13. The in one ear out the other look, sure Kate yep no worries, got it. And then they're off to talk about boys and lipgloss.

"Once I mentally envision something, I just have to make it happen," Kate says, gesticulating so we see her nails.

Actually she says it more like this, "Once I mentally envision something, I just have to make it happen???"

I imagine around about 2003 that's exactly what went down???

The kids are on the couch playing with the clapperboard, shouting various things. It's kind of annoying, no offense, though it's not their fault. Obviously the producers made them do this and some of the kids, like Joel, don't look like they think this is that fun. Oh by the way Hannah smacks Joel across his cheek in the middle of this, but it's Hannah so don't worry it's okay. The clapperboard has some interesting information on it, like some of the crew members and that it was "take two" of this "reality show." So we were wondering if the crew is really the same crew Kate says they love and missed. I don't have the skills of Nev or many of the posters here, but I did a little poor man's sleuthing on IMDB to see what I could come up with.

I see two names on the clapperboard. One is C. McCarthy-Miller. I pretend Max is sitting just to my right holding his stupid little canon video camera as I pull up google.

I quickly discover "C." is some guy named Clark, and he has been part of all of two episodes, not counting these, of Kate Plus 8, as a production assistant and as a photographer. In 2011, folks. "Ohhhhh, that could be him!" Max always says, even if it's totally obvious that is him. J. Bromiley is also on the clapperboard, and that's some man named Jack, a camera man who is credited with only one episode of Kate Plus 8. Also one of the Australia episodes way back in 2011.

Assuming IMDB is correct, and I have no reason to think it's not, how could you possibly form attachments to these Clark and Jack guys and call them your daddy and family after two episode three years ago? Do the kids even remember them? When you look at IMDB, you see over a hundred people have worked in production on this show. Even if you don't count people who sit in editing bays and don't interact with the kids, it's still a ton. They have been through a whopping sixteen producers. So this whole thing about how this is such a close knit family is utter nonsense, of course.

The size of their crew is normal. This is how Hollywood works. There is constant turnover as you move on to other projects or projects and contracts overlap making you unavailable even if you wanted to be on the crew. For Kate to put forth to her dumb fans it's anything different than everybody else's television show is lunacy. And it's dangerous. How could one parent possibly vet over a hundred people to any reasonable person's satisfaction? You can't, which is how Bill Blankinship slipped through. He's still there on IMDB the proud editor of over thirteen episodes, it's not like they can remove his name just because he's a sex offender now, and still has two more years of probation to serve.

Kate puts on a clown wig and nose, and pairs it with a strapless dress that looks better suited for the beach. In this getup she sort of reminds me of Carol Burnett's Miss Hannigan, naturally the best Miss Hannigan there ever was. She was an ever-evolving mix between trendy and slutty, sober and drunk, lovesick and bitter. And she was a master scammer too and used children to her benefit. Carol nearly stole the show. This look of Kate's would be complete if she would just carry around a bottle of Sake.

You won't regret watching this clip of the great Carol, it's just incredible.

Lol, I love Mady. She is finally old enough to stop Kate in her tracts. When Kate tries to say she promised the kids she would wear it Mady immediately jumps in and says give me an ever loving break they did not want you to wear that and mortify them I saw the whole thing! Heh!

Oh, there's Deanna, another enabler and out-of-state BFF, wandering in the background carrying a present. Yet another person around to help and take the immense burden off Shmoops.

I should be shaking my head at how disrespectful the kids are about this, but in this case Kate deserves it. The clown thing is creepy, Leah says. Yes it sure is.

There's very few kids at this "carnival" but tons of adults working, plus Mady's friends. It does look good and authentic, though pretty juvenile, with popcorn and cotton candy and games.

Mady says Kate scares her friends. Yikes, I don't think she was joking about that one. Awkward.

Wow some of these games are pretty lame. Pin the nose on the clown, really? I don't know if kids in 2014 would like these.

Ugh, the horrific fish game.

Mady helps run this game, and bemoans the children's "sins of impatience." Whoa okay, sister wife!

Kate says the bowls did not have a fish in them, but I can see several betas in the bowls right there swimming while the kids are throwing balls at them, so W....T...F!!!

So for anyone who still thinks this game is all fun and dandy, I want you to imagine yourself sitting in a shallow kiddie pool all afternoon in the heat. Now imagine as you are lounging in this pool, somebody is dropping giant ping pong balls three times your size on your head, repeatedly. Then you get sent home with some kid who either forgets about you and leaves you in the car to roast, or puts you on the dining room table in that same kiddie pool and tries to remember to feed you every once in awhile because the family was neither expecting you nor was asked to have you over, so nobody else wants to care for you. Fun!

It just occurred to Kate that if any of her children actually win the fish, which several of them do, she'll have more pets in the house.

I love that the narcissist is only capable of understanding this and what a bad idea it is when it's happening to her. I.e. when her kids win and are ready to set up shop with their new pet in her house of horrors. She didn't even consider what she was dumping on other parents when she set up this game in the first place, and she still doesn't seem to think about that. Remarkable and fascinating.

I have to say I do kind of like that parents can come to this too and that there's a ton of space for them to socialize. It's fun to share in your child's fun without making them feel like you're a pain or smothering.

The velcro wall is cool and somehow seems quite fun. It does what you expect. You wear a big velcro suit, jump and get stuck to the wall. There are literally like four different workers with name tags helping to run it, so I don't think Kate is doing any of this all by herself. Kate does the velcro wall several times because it's all about her.

The piñata has nothing to do with a carnival and is totally off the theme so for that reason I don't like it. This is a perfect example of Kate really having no idea how to throw a classy, themed party. But as long as the kids enjoy it fine. Collin says something about how they hit the piñata but no one would want to hit Mommy. Obviously he hasn't found this blog yet.

A long and boring explanation about having difficulty lighting the candles on the cake. This show has been boring for awhile but I never remember it being this mind numbing. It's like they didn't even try.

Hannah violently pushes Collin away from the cake with an accusation he spit on it while he was blowing out his candles (hey it happens, don't like spit don't do candles), which I never saw, and naturally, there are no consequences.

The kids really liked their party so that's nice. Why couldn't the families just pull their cars up into the driveway and park on the grass? Why do they have to take a shuttle? Seems like an unnecessary expense for a piecer and patcher.

Now the big surprise. Hey that's not a Jonas! Instead it's a John Deere gatar four-wheeler thing that lots of big properties have. Oh, something to help them with choring! Yeaaa!!!

Collin is onto this immediately, lol. Well this is just to drive down to take care of the chickens. Yep.

Oh my god this thing is huge and powerful. Seeing it up close like this it's more immense and scary than I thought. Seemingly without any instruction Joel hops right in and starts driving. The rest of the kids drive it as well. Somebody posted that John Deere recommends that only children 16 and older drive this honking thing. Oh good grief. I would have preferred a Jonas brother.

I have never heard someone go on so long about what a birthday is really about. Good heavens it's not her birthday.

As usual very little of it is on point and the rest is in outer space. Succinct shmoops is not! It's finally over and up next another show about dwarfs? Well I guess they don't have a family yet who subscribes to the philosophy that you should not modify your home to accommodate your short stature because the world is not going to do that for you, so I guess that's new. This pretentious couple calls themselves the Brad and Angelina of the dwarf world. Yeah and I'm the Natalie Portman of the blogging world.

A couple final thoughts on what I hope is the first and only update special. I hope to never have to recap this show or anything these children are on ever again. (Don't worry, I will happily recap Celebrity Apprentice!)

It's more clear than ever before these past two weeks were as much about Kate getting a platform to play celebrity than it has a single thing to do with wanting what's best for her kids. Most of this episode was just Kate. Kate baking, Kate bird watching, Kate velcroing, and most of all Kate yapping about all things Kate. This obsessive need to be the center of attention even so far as on a nationwide stage is a dangerous one, and has only led to bad things for these poor kids.

Mady, Cara, Aaden, Alexis, Collin, Hannah, Joel and Leah are both her sword and her shield. She uses them to slash through all the red tape and get what she wants, like this very update special and many other things we well know of. And if anyone ever tries to question her, they are her human shields to hide behind. After all, you'd have to be one bitter and ugly person to attack a mother with eight sweet babies, right? Anyone who still believes this needs to seriously think about what the morally right thing is to do in a situation where two competing values butt heads. Those values of course would be, being kind, understanding and deferential to the sacredness that is motherhood, versus the promotion of a child's overall best interest and the protection of children from abuse and exploitation.

Of course in my book, the protection of children is paramount. In fact, if you don't know, like many other bloggers who have passed by the Realitytvkids porch, I too have dedicated my career to working on just such child abuse cases and much worse. You can't imagine what I've seen. You don't want to. I certainly believe very strongly in parental rights and would cut off my right arm to be sure someone is getting their due process, but at the same time I subscribe to the idea that sometimes it takes a village to protect a child. I believe the protection of children from abuse and exploitation is a matter of public concern if it has indeed crossed that line into abuse and exploitation, as I believe it has here. I could care less if a mother, or father, or anybody else gets their feelings hurt in the process. That does not matter when kids are being abused. I believe this is how it should be.

Oh, and my replacement keyboard works like a dream so I can say it without problems: I HATE Kate. Have a wonderful Fourth everyone. The porch is open and the rumspringa spiked lemonades are flowing, on me. You are in good hands with the blog girls and pool boys and I'll see you soon!