Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Ratings for RV Trip hit 1.3 million

Looks like some former viewers may have tuned in to see how it all finally goes down as TLC starts sending off Kate, throwing her under the bus as they go. Will ratings that are better than most of the summer have any impact on the cancellation?

Kate Plus 8
TLC 9:00 PM 1.372 million
Adults 18-45 0.5


Monday, August 29, 2011

Discussion Thread: RV Trip 8/29/11

Kate Plus 8
RV Trip
9 p.m. EST, TLC, TV-PG

The Gosselins, Ashley and Jamie are on the road again, traveling across middle America in an RV for 2 weeks -- and Kate's driving! Witness the family like you've never seen them before, visiting the nation's most beautiful landscapes and attractions.

Ooo, I hope we get to see 'My Rushmore'!

Meanwhile, Hollywood Reporter has an excellent article about how the suicide of Real Housewives' cast member Russell Armstrong has shed some light on how exploitive reality television can be--not just on children, but everyone participating.

Says Hollywood Reporter:
"All about me" has become the mantra of reality TV, even if it means opening up painful private lives to cameras and sacrificing family and friends -- and even, perhaps, if it means someone might die.
...."This is the worst-case scenario for the reality TV business," says one executive who declined to be named. "It's a very public suicide of a guy who was made to look absolutely terrible on that show. This death is causing people to think hard about the kinds of people we make shows about and whether they are equipped psychologically to be television stars."....While it would be simplistic to claim that Bravo or Real Housewives of Beverly Hills producers Evolution Media were responsible for his death, they are operating in an environment that remains unregulated and inadequately scrutinized. On many shows, for instance, participants sign "360-degree deals," notes Hayden Meyer, a partner and head of alternative TV at agency APA. That means the production company can take a percentage of any income a performer earns from books, appearances and the like.
Unfettered by contracts with AFTRA, SAG and other guilds, most networks have the right to replay each episode as often as they wish or to "repackage" series to create new episodes, without paying participants extra cash. "It's a buyer's market," Meyer laments.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Recap: Kate's Toughest Questions (part 2): Just remember who's picking your nursing home, Kate. Hint, not your 'tweeties'

Coming up on part two of Kate’s Toughest Questions. Uncle Kevin nurses back to health an endangered baby lion cub named Fluffy-poo and Kate hates him for it.

Next question, the number one question asked of Kate because her situation is so bizarre and abnormal even her fans can‘t help wondering--Where the heck is all your family, Kate?

Kate answers that all of her family members, every single one, are very different from her. They are not open-minded or adventurous. If by this she means they are not “open-minded” to eight kids having nearly their entire childhoods exploited for six years, including dragging them on countless long and grueling flights and road trips to experience “adventurous” working vacations, the bulk of which most of them don’t even remember, then yes, I see how there might be some family tension. Kate says she doesn‘t judge what her family does so they shouldn’t judge what she does. More awesome logic from Kate again. If a family member is a bank robber and you are a well-adjusted doctor, you shouldn’t judge them because they shouldn’t judge you? I don’t think so. Of course you should judge, family members have a moral obligation to try to steer down a different path family members making bad choices. Just think, if we all lived like Kate there would be no shows like Hoarders or Intervention. Now that would be truly tragical for a great number of viewers. Helping a family member is not always a bad thing, even if they hate you for it. From what I can tell, the more wrong the family you are trying to help are, the more they’re gonna hate you for trying to help, and Kate sure is fitting right in there with that theory. Anyway, it’s not just about Kate choosing to rob a bank and the family members can‘t mind their own business--there are eight other family members involved, children no less, and likely that’s why her family started saying something.

Also, what’s funny is I distinctly remember when Kate judged and accused Kevin of leaving his kids to speak for one day at a congressional hearing. In fact, let's pull the exact quote shall we? Kate said of Kevin, he “has four children of his own and spending time in court and gallivanting to New York to complain about me, couldn't he be at home with his kids?" That’s not judging?

Incidentally, Kate? He went to a hearing in Horsham, Pa., less than two hours from his home--not New York. The one time he was on a New York-based show was a live feed from his house! One day he left his kids. One. It was a school day so three of his four kids weren't home anyway. And he was summoned to the hearing to offer his own unique first-hand knowledge of abuses in the industry to make a difference for all kids working in the industry in his state and the country. How many days, weeks, and months has Kate abandoned her children for much less noble causes, such as hair extensions, or Nobu? Or to go get drunk all weekend in New York and meet strange men in a club. What am I saying, this woman is one big heel-stomping contradiction. Although it’s become almost like a fun game to trap her in her own lies, especially with her own quotes. I see now why Kate doesn't want to be quoted without permission, how could she possibly keep it all straight?

Look, the real answer to this question is more likely: Kate estranged her family members for a variety of reasons that mostly boils down to them not agreeing this narcissist’s agenda was the right thing for the kids. In case any of Kate’s tweeties asking these stupid questions are wondering, there is a pattern here. Remember in elementary school? Square--square--circle--square. The pattern here is: Kate‘s fault--Kate's fault--family members get estranged because of sociopathic diabolic narcissistic Kate--Kate‘s fault. For extra credit, try to figure out what the pattern is in the divorce. Hint: start with it's all Kate’s fault.

Kate says Kevin turned on her. Haha, and then they show a clip of Kevin bottle-feeding his lion cub. Or rather, he says he just wants the kids to be safe and all reality T.V. show kids should be protected. The man wants his nieces and nephews safe from well-documented abuses against young children in the entertainment industry that have gone on as far back as Jackie Coogan and the Dionne’s in the 1930’s! Et tu, Keven? What a betrayal! Brutus and Cassius and Judas are hanging their heads in shame.

Kate says you should go to the parent when there is a concern, not the media. Huh, how does one do that if the parent in question has estranged you? Because by Kate’s own admission, at the time of the hearing, she herself hadn’t let Kevin see the family in more than two years (though there were photos of Jon having them over when Kate wasn't home).

Ha, more clips of what a wonderful brother Kevin was and how helpful he was. Never thought I would say this, but, You go, TLC. Kate says she’s considering getting back together with the grandparents. “We’ll see.” She’s such a tease. She loves to keep people squirming, doesn’t she, especially people who love the kids. This is called manipulation, or if you like, psychotic.

An alarming number of clips of the children pummeling each other, many of which with no adult around whatsoever. I usually end the fight, Hannah explains. Ha, I bet she does. I usually help her, Leah adds. “And I usually run away!” says Joel. Haha, Joel! Does Kate realize what she has here? These kids are funny, I love this age. But kids say the darndest things should be for family and friends, not a bunch of obsessed strangers.

The kids all have unique personalities, Kate says. They do? Then how come all eight do all the same thing all at the same time all the time? And, they even feel all exactly the same, especially when it comes to backing up Kate, like regular Children of the Corn. Collin is anal, Kate says. You suck, Kate. The pattern here couldn’t be more simple--just a straight, You suck, Kate. And repeat.

Next question, where will you be in 30 years? Um, well tweeties, that’s all going to depend on the kids and which nursing home they pick, why don’t you ask them? Why don't you start with Mady?

Press three if you don't want us filming you going to the toilet. Oh, snap, three doesn't work!

As usual, Kate says, uhh, let me think, uhh, nope, she wouldn’t do a darn thing different if she had to do it over again. Sheesh, not even that boob halfway through tunneling its great escape? Nope, nothing, nothing at all. I half expect her to break into some long soliloquy about why Jesus loves her more than most. Kate actually thinks she made wise decisions. For herself, maybe. For her skin, her hair and her eight kids, not so much.

I love the clip they show from a few years ago of Kate with Steve in New York where Kate is boo-hooing about something or other stupid thing. Steve is basically like, well, Kate, welcome to life. You have to make a decision that might be hard just like we all do at times, oh, well, suck it up. Translation, quit your crying, you big freaking baby, how old are you? This clip was the moment when I realized she and Steve are in fact, actually not doing it, much to my surprise.

Kate wants lots of grandkids. She may have, but whether she will be allowed to see them will be another matter. Remember, kids are watching you, watching the things that you do. And that includes, estranging everyone you love around you.

Where would you be if you didn‘t have the show, Kate? Maestro, cue the music please.

(Press play, haters)

Struggling, bemoans Kate. Many, many shifts in a day as a nurse. (Uh, there are regulations regarding nursing shifts that wouldn‘t permit that.) Instead of raising chickens I'd have to eat chicken feed! Living in a shack and wearing potato sacks! Sip of water, crust of bread for dinner. Is America really this gullible? Sadly, apparently so.

Also, more hypocrisy from, Kate. I thought she said she is struggling with a purseful of bills? So, she would be struggling had she not had the show, too? Then what was the point? It sounds like her point at this moment in particular is to justify the exploitation by saying, look what a great lifestyle this show gave me, had I not had this, things would be so very, very destitute. Either the show has prevented poverty or it hasn‘t, but pick one story and get on board with one consistent message here and stop being such a Sybil.

If push came to shove would you ever work a normal job? Yes, but her preference is to be a narcissistic diva. Kate just hates the paparazzi. Except when she doesn’t.

The nosey tweeties want to know all about how the divorce made Kate and the kids feel. Kate can’t do everything, sob, sob, it’s been so hard. Well, they do still have a Daddy they see and love. Love so much many of them just said at the beginning of this episode they don’t want a new one. Just love to remind Herr Kate of that.

Kate doesn’t understand why “the law” (she says this like she‘s fifteen years old and talking about her parents‘ curfew) would let Jon have any say in these kids. Yes, it’s so very, very unfair for a father to be making decisions as to the children he not just fathered but raised and they adore. Apparently Kate has never heard of something called parental rights. Jon has them, and you have to be pretty darn abusive and detrimental for a very long period of time for the silly law to strip them away. But it’s Kate, the pesky law never applies to her. This is also another great example of Kate not thinking beyond the end of her powdered nose. Would she want the law to have such power that it can take away her parental rights just like that for a few mistakes two years ago? What a scary place that would be to live in. Over her tanned dead body. She wants the law to be a dictatorship against Jon, just not her. Jon is not on the same team as her, says Kate. Nope, he’s not. Team Exploitation is not a team the vast majority of people want to be on, not after six years of this.

Ha, more clips of Jon being an absolutely wonderful daddy. Real long clips with cute music of Jon being so cute with Leah and then Aaden, and all of them. Leah lovingly caressing her Daddy’s cheek. TLC is not exactly supportive of Kate’s propaganda campaign. In fact at this point it's a full-on counter-propaganda campaign. I wonder if they even refused mandatory sterilization, too.

Would you still be with Jon if not for the show? Again, why their business again? No! cries Kate. A bunch of clips of Kate being a complete shrew to Jon. Including this little gem, “YOU DIDN’T USE A COUPON??!!!” Who wouldn’t divorce this psycho eventually? The only crazy part is it was Kate who finally filed, not Jon.

Next question, if you could change one thing about you what would it be? Hold onto your hair extensions, folks, because Kate is going to do a teeny, tiny bit of self-reflection here. Kate wishes she were pleasant all the time and weren’t in a funk. Are you sitting down on your leather couch? She also doesn’t understand why she gets grouchy sometimes, probably because she feels uncomfortable. Uncomfortable? From the stick maybe? Kate wants to be perfect. That explains so much actually. People that want to be perfect are forever going to feel frustrated and grumpy.

Final question, what does she hope for the future? Healthy kids. That’s nice. Oh, and of course, to be on T.V. Kate thanks her creepy tweeple for their support. And we thank the creepy tweeple for hours of entertainment. We salute you, tweener tweeties!

Friday, August 26, 2011

Recap: Kate's Toughest Questions (part 1) 8/15/11: Kate and only Kate's propaganda film, 'Free Range'

Coming up, Kate’s Toughest Questions. Hm, wonder what those could be? Maybe, if you were stranded on a desert island and could only pick one Nobu sushi roll to eat, which would it be? Or, what do you hate the most about Jon? Name any current event at all either domestic or international, or maybe, without relying on your pink iphone calculator, what is nine plus twelve? Apparently on this episode, Kate gets her own open forum, once again, to trash talk. And trash talk. And trash talk. And no one she throws under the bus will get a chance to respond. Hm, one person telling us how it’s going to be and everyone else silenced--sounds rather like a propaganda film to me. I half expect Kate to tell us what we can read (my books!) and what we must burn (anything else I didn‘t “write”!), and declare who is of pure blood and free to reproduce (tanners and grifters and dummies) and who is not and must be sterilized (everyone else!). Wait for it.

We’re at the house, and Mady is bellyaching, like a normal child would, about why she has to help tidy up the house. “I provide a roof over your head,” Kate actually tells her with a straight face, without the slightest hint of irony either. We are so, so close to Mady being old enough to realize what is going on here and snap back, “No, I do, fool!” Maybe a few more months and we‘re there.

Oh, there’s Kate’s makeup artist powdering Kate’s nose in the kitchen. If I were a tweetie, my first question to Kate would be, Huh, if this is the realest reality show, who is that person in the kitchen? Here comes the plumber, or an underpaid extra, to try to balance that out and make this seem like a normal family. They pretend there’s some leak in the basement and it’s all very stiff and awkward, not exactly a Shakespearean performance from either Kate or this guy.

Kate says her tweetie friends really want her to answer some questions because they’re interested in her and so on. I call this obsessed creepy stalking, she calls it tweetie friends interested in her life. Po-tate-o, po-tot-o.

Exactly as suspected, there’s a shot of Kate glued to her phone like it’s a pacemaker for her eyes while Hannah is pleading with her to please fix her shoe. She ignores the kids to be on twitter all day, it’s obvious. Poor Hannah, she has to give Kate a generous deadline of tomorrow to fix her shoe. She may have to limp around another day shoeless while Kate posts some grammatically incorrect streaming consciousness about stewing tomatoes. It probably does take Kate a good twenty-four hours to wean herself away from Twitter to attend to her young children, Hannah is bearing this in mind. Hannah probably should get two Advil ready to go for the withdrawal headaches Kate is sure to experience when she finally puts down the pinkiphone.

You know, if there were a Nobel Peace prize for inventions for shallow, image-obsessed narcissistic women, it would go to Apple for inventing the key pad. Because that key pad doesn’t hate on your nails like Blackberry and most other phones. On the contrary, it welcomes them. Now narcissists like Kate can communicate with their fans like they never could before. An entire class of people cut off from the technological masterpiece that is Twitter are now brought into the fold, like inventing a cheap water purification system and saving a nation. Just think, without Apple? We'd never know about Kate's sediments. I’m tearful.

Why are the kids on the couch? I thought these were questions for Kate.

Pattiepie wants to know if Kate is dating anyone. Many of these names are going to sound familiar, as many of them have harassed us like crazy psychos on Twitter. Twitter is the playground for adults bullied as children who never got the proper therapy and support from friends and family and security in their own accomplishments to rebuild their self-esteem and properly process their childhoods. It fulfills every unhealthy desire they’ve ever had to pass it right on to the next person even worse without any consequences. It’s pathetic, really.

I’ll answer this question for you, Pat. No, of course Kate is not dating anyone. She will play this off because she has eight kids. But really it’s because she’s a narcissistic, pessimistic, selfish, self-obsessed, self-absorbed, money-hungry, man-eating, gluten-hating, child-exploiting bitch that no man wants to be around. Next?

Why in the entire world are the kids being asked by producers whether they want Kate to date and marry? That’s so inappropriate! There isn’t a child psychologist in the entire state of Pennsylvania who would condone this as healthy. It’s so disgusting I‘m not even going to go into detail what they‘re saying, other than to say a lot of it has nothing to do with what Kate always tells us they feel, as several of them say very firmly, “NO” and they “DON‘T WANT A DIFFERENT DAD.” Whatever, Kate the lying liar about the kids begging for a new daddy.

So, is Kate jealous of Jon dating?

Puh-shaw! says Kate. No! Whatever! OMG yada yada. It kills Kate to admit the kids come home happy from their visits with him. Also, it kills me to have to look at that right mound of tanned boob pouring out of her matching blinding pink iphone top. What the heck? Is it looking for a baby or something? Or just trying to escape I guess.

Life landed her single, bemoans Kate. Wow, she’s even blaming life itself now? Even Life is now the narcissist‘s victim. Don‘t take it personally, Life.

Next question, how do you get eight kids out the door for school? How stupid are these people? Nannies, nannies, nannies, of course.

But Kate’s PC answer? “Schedule, schedule, schedule.” As in, making sure the nannies know the schedule.

Another twitter-twatter asks, do you ever miss marriage?

Well, as expected, Kate doesn’t miss Jon. But she does miss having a parent to do shit for her. That wasn’t the question. What does her stupid answer have to do with the daily ups and downs and joys and fulfillment of the unique and profound relationship with a man or woman we call marriage? Because all I’m hearing is an evil stepsister wants her servant back. Waa-waa-waa, Jon changed. No, Kate, you changed, which is why Jon wanted to go back to how things were before except you wouldn‘t let him! But people who change into something horrible always think everyone else changed except them, don’t they? The best part is this all occurs while old clips show Jon practically rescuing some kittens from a tree with one hand and saving a baby seal with the other. Tons of footage of him hugging and kissing the kids, helping them get ready for school, the kids all over him adoring him. Ha, slick one, TLC.

Next, why has your style changed so much?

Kate: Uh, um, you know I wore a tshirt because I had little kids, something about tie-dye (what?), I have eight kids. I.e., I wasn’t famous enough and getting enough stylish free crap just yet, but just wait, I will! What do clips of Alexis’s poop and Joel’s vomit have to do with anything, other than to humiliate them once again?

Why do you always wear high heels? Oh sheeple, why is the earth round?

I don’t understand Kate’s answer. They don’t stop me? Huh? Well, TLC stopped you. Last week. They canceled your show. Bam! Kate says heels make her feel good about herself. It’s typical that someone like her would use inanimate, expensive objects like heels to feel good about herself, and not feel good about herself because maybe she has a lovely family and supportive husband and good job and is a good person.

Next question. Give me something deep, tweeple, I know you have it in you: “If you didn’t know how old you were how old would you be?” Like, uh, wow, um! Ooo, philosophy. I dig it.

Hmm, how old does Kate feel? I’m guessing at least twelve but no older than fifteen. No, surprisingly, Kate is 30, she says. She started to know what she wanted then. Eh, I think most of us have come to the conclusion she knew exactly what she wanted before the sextuplets were conceived, which was way before she turned 30.

Fired Up (for Kate, not Jesus. No, really) says, what dress size do you wear? Good grief, who cares? Two-fourish, lies Kate. Baw-hahahha.

Does Kate use tanning beds, we already know the answer to this. Yes. At least Kate admits she’s not an advocate of it. So, do what I say not as I do. I freaking hate adults like that. As a kid, and now just as much as an adult.

Is her tummy tuck the only plastic surgery Kate has ever had? Watch how diabolical Kate is here. “Plastic? Yes, my stomach is all plastic!” she says sarcastically. You see, by telling herself in her mind no surgery is “plastic” she can answer the question “truthfully.” Yes, it‘s the only surgery she‘s had. Baw-hahahaha. Her boob is halfway down the Nile and she’s actually trying to tell us those girls are all hers. She also says some nonsense that “will it be forever in a day, probably not?” What in the world is she blathering about? She is so batshit! And TLC doesn’t care, they’re just throwing all her ramblings in without a care whether they make any sense whatsoever or not. Also, she says if any other surgeries are necessary she’s not against it. Hm, does this mean she’d consider a lobotomy?

How do you deal with negativity? I ignore it, Kate says. Oh, I didn’t realize calling a non-fan “rude” for questioning her ridiculous greed to take dozens and dozens of free cupcakes from DC Cupcakes was “ignoring it.” She gets testy every few days or so and responds nastily to a non-fan on twitter (and sometimes even a fan that pushes the wrong button), that’s hardly ignoring her criticism. When you’re in public people think it’s “free range” to put their opinions out there.

First, Kate, the expression is not “free range.” You are confusing this with how those organic chickens you love so much are fed. The expression you’re looking for is free reign (or less commonly but still correct, free rein). And the fact that people feel they have “free range” to criticize you has a heck of a lot more to do with the fact that you have exploited these kids for six years, and little to do with your very firm status as a public figure, otherwise we‘d be going around ripping on every single person all day long who‘s ever had their face on T.V.

Kate babbles some nonsense about how if she were a nurse or teacher, people would still criticize, but no one would really care, so she doesn’t pay attention. Wait, if she had a real job like a nurse or teacher, she wouldn’t be exploiting the kids, so why would people criticize her in the first place? That’s what started this all, being on T.V. and exploiting the kids. What is she even trying to say here? A jar of fluffernutter probably has more logic than Kate.

Kate says at the end of this all the only opinions that are really going to count are the kids’. I couldn’t agree more. And she seems blissfully unaware of what lies ahead. Let her enjoy the honeymoon period I guess.

Oh, God, this is rich. Let’s ask Kate how the kids feel about being on TV, how are they handling TV life? Kate’s absolutely ridiculous answer? They don’t know any different.

Kate, let me introduce you to something called logic. A child who is beaten up every day by his mother also doesn’t know anything different. That doesn’t mean beating a child up is good for him. Nor do many of us believe filming a childhood for six years is good for them whether that‘s all they know, and you know full well the vast majority of rational people feel the same and have said so. Your justification for this exploitation is about the most illogical answer I’ve ever heard in my life.

A few of the kids say being on TV is fun and they like it. How come the rest of the kids don’t get to answer this question? Also, if Kate claims they don’t know anything different, then how can they be in a position to say they like it as opposed to having a camera free life if they‘ve never experienced anything else? She boxes herself into a corner every single time with these answers. Well, at least the show is canceled now and hopefully they will never have to go through this again. Poor Mady says there are some people at school mean to them about being on T.V. Aw. But most are true friends. Good, though I fear that might not last.

Aaden’s favorite episode is when he went to Australia. His favorite episode? His life is in episodes now? Truman Show anyone? All of the kids’ favorite “episodes” of their lives are pretty recent episodes. Duh, because they can’t remember so much of what was filmed before. Ha, all those trips and they don’t have any memory of it.

Cara’s favorite episode is one with a scene of Jon and Aaden where he lost his glasses. I love that her favorite episode is something with Jon, that must kill Kate.

Harry’s Princess asks, What is the “funnest” part of having eight kids? Can’t Kate just sort of correct her grammar so as not to embarrass her? Instead she calls attention to it and claims she, Kate, made funnest a word. Her narcissism knows no bounds. Oh, Harry‘s princess, you’re royalty, you should know what‘s so great about having eight kids! The money, Princess, of course! But Kate makes up something about family and teams.

It’s pick on Alexis day, they all complain that Alexis screams. Oh, time to pick on Collin, who eats like a pig. This is basically what many large families do, tease and pick on each other. Only something seems very despicable about all this, by virtue of the fact that it’s being filmed so publicly.

Oh, this is revealing. They ask the kids, “If you could be any other brother or sister who would you be?” Guess who they pick? Hannah! The golden child!

If you don’t know about narcissism and golden children and scapegoats, here’s a quick 101. Psychologists have noticed a common trend among families with a narcissistic parent--often the mother. Moms will have one or more golden children she treats lovingly and fairly and often lavishes special treatment on, while other children are scapegoats and treated cruelly. This fascinating dynamic was observed in Joan Crawford’s family. Christopher and Christina reported incident after incident of abuse toward them and were backed up by several witnesses, while Crawford’s younger children, Cathy and Cindy, disputed their accounts. Why? Likely they were Crawford’s golden children, and therefore, might not realize abuse was going on toward the older scapegoat children. Scapegoat children lie awake nights just praying and wishing they had been born the golden child. In a way it’s kind of sad to hear the kids say they want to be Hannah. It just fits too perfectly with everything that’s been said about this family and Kate’s severe narcissism. Wouldn’t you know it in Kate’s own book, she sets Hannah apart from the others, admitting she has a special relationship with her.

Joel says he would just be himself. Good for him. This started out as rather a silly question, but turned out to be very revealing.

Cara and Mady slap each other then hug it out on the couch for about five minutes. They're just putting filler in now, they really don't care. I think they know full well at this point this show is done, and frankly, Kate is lucky to get any kind of send off at all, let alone an entire hour to just speak her mind without anyone questioning her.

Coming up in Part Two, Kate is pissed off at Kevin for helping a baby chick across a puddle. To be continued...

Monday, August 22, 2011

Discussion Thread: Treehouse & Chicks 8/22/11

The first of the last four episodes of Kate Plus 8 airs tonight. 

Kate Plus 8
Treehouse & Chicks
9 p.m. EST, TV-PG

Kate and the kids are working in the yard preparing for their newest addition -- baby chicks! Kate discovers her skills as a carpenter as she attempts to build a fence and a swinging barn door. Meanwhile, construction on a new tree house is underway.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Kate takes kids for back-to-school haircuts in first appearance since show canceled

After six years of exploiting the children, remarkably, Kate tweeted this morning she wanted a "money tree" to support her family.


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Jon 'very relieved' the show is canceled

"I hope that this will bring more privacy to my children and that they can get the proper attention they need for any personal issues they might have in the future."

Jon's interview to Radaronline pretty much sums it up.


Meanwhile, Kate says she's in the process of renewing her nursing license, which surprisingly, she kept current throughout this mess. It expires in October.
And finally, it's worth re-running our Open Letter to the Gosselin Children, since everything we said in 2009 rings true today. We sincerely wish you the best, little Gosselins.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

'Real Housewives' husband commits suicide

“This show has literally pushed us to the limit,” Russell Armstrong told People about a month before he hanged himself in his L.A. home. 

The Armstrong's rocky relationship has been fodder for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills since the beginning of the show, and the second season was slated to chronicle their messy, expensive divorce. Taylor told People last month that this season of the show was going to be "hard for me to watch." The couple's five-year-old daughter was often featured on the show, including her lavish $60,000 birthday party. Although Taylor told People that Russell was abusive toward her, she was also quick to add that he is an amazing father and she wants him part of their daughter's life.

Will Bravo continue to air the marriage's downfall, even after Russell was found dead yesterday? What role did the stress of airing their dirty laundry on a reality show play in his death? Should their child have a right to have this last season kept private in light of her father's death?

Monday, August 15, 2011

'Don't Watch Kate Plus 8' signs contest winners!

Thank you to everyone who participated in the contest. Hey, apparently it worked, as Kate Plus 8 was officially, finally cancelled today. There were so many clever ones to choose from, this was a very hard decision. But after much debate .... 

The winner is ...... Just Dwindle Away! For her "I'd rather poke my eye out than watch Kate" sign.

Congrats, Just Dwindle! I'll be e-mailing you your $40 Target gift card. And for our runner up? Fade2black! For her "Officer Steve" submission:

Fade2Black, your $10 gift card is on its way. Congrats, gals.

I received so many submissions I can't post them all. They were all so great wish they would all fit here, but here are some runner ups:


Dallas Lady:




Call Me Crazy:


 PJ's Mama:


No Regrets:


BREAKING NEWS: TLC rep tells People Kate Plus 8 won't be renewed


Sunday, August 14, 2011

'Don't watch Kate Plus 8' sign contest for $40 Target gift card; Discussion Thread: Kate's Toughest Questions

Ratings are pretty stagnent for Kate Plus 8, which appears to have put Kate in panic mode. Now she's asking her tweeple to make signs urging everyone to watch the show Monday. The prize? An autographed copy of Kate's book!

Want a better prize? Like say, a $40 Target gift card?! We're having our own counter-contest here at Realitytvkids.com. Design your own sign urging folks not to watch, you can use photoshop or make it out of cut up boxed wine boxes or whatever strikes your fancy. No rules, even illegal signs allowed! The funnier the better. You can email it to us at admin@realitytvkids.com, or tweet it to us at @realitytvkids. Happy creativity, get the entries in to me before the end of the show Monday and I'll pick the winner after the show airs. The winner will receive a $40 Target gift card via e-mail (for online shopping at Target.com only). The runner up will receive a $10 Target gift card via mail (for online or in store use).

Kate Plus 8
Kate's Toughest Questions
Monday 8/15/11, 9 p.m. TLC, TV-PG
Kate Gosselin is in the hot seat again, answering the viewers' toughest questions. Learn everything you ever wanted to know, from "Is Kate daing again?" to "How many plastic surgeries has she had?" in this tell all episode of Kate Plus 8!

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Recap: DC Cupcakes Visit--8/7/11

Coming up on Kate Plus 8, it’s a two for one sale on child exploitation. Otherwise known as cross promotion. Mady and Cara just happen to love the TLC show DC Cupcakes, so Kate decided to go exploit them over there.

This cupcake trend, I don’t know, the focus seems to be more on making an amazing-looking cupcake, jacking up the price several dollars of course, and very little time seems to be spent on how it actually tastes. Me, I could care less how it looks, I want to know if I will enjoy eating it. And so far the answer ranges from “not really” to “please pass me a napkin so I can politely spit this out” (that was the “peanut butter“ one that tasted like rancid cotton). When I can buy a cupcake mix and frosting for under five bucks at the grocery store and make an entire dozen that taste great, I become less interested in all those little shops popping up everywhere with the cutsie names like Sprinkles or Crumbs or, ugh, Hotcakes. A Google map of my city showing all the cupcake shops looks rather like it’s a map of all the fast food joints. There really cannot be this many cupcake places! Oh, but there is.

Anyway, obviously not my thing, but hey, if Mady and Cara love ‘em and if they must be filmed, why not do something they actually want to do for a change? They also get to take along two friends, whom I won’t name since I think there are enough exploited kids to go around already. I question any parent who would allow their child to take part in this exploitation, but at least the girls’ mother was permitted to come along and observe.

The District of Columbia requires theatrical permits for minors working in television programs. They are issued by the Board of Education. They are unclear whether reality show kids are included in all these regulations, but these shows are still a television program, are they not? Who knows if TLC bothered to get permits for these four minors, I hope they did. Washington D.C.’s child labor laws are nothing to write home about. Performers between the ages of 7 and 14 can work up until 11:30 at night. Very similar to P.A. Why a seven year old should be up that late working is beyond me. Although take note, TLC. Violation of these regulations could result in jail time. Hope you saved your Chance card!

Because the children are being raised like mini rap stars, they can’t just drive up to DC Cupcakes in the family 2008 Toyota like everybody else and do what everybody else has to do--spend a good 15 minutes searching for parking in Georgetown. No, they have to get chauffeured up in a sleek limo. Did they take a limo all the way from PA? Good grief.

I’ve been to Georgetown several times, it’s a pristine little neighborhood and I had friends who went to the great university there and loved it. But unlike most of D.C. you might want to see, there is no metro stop (by design, I believe), so you either cab it or drive. And there is never anywhere to park. You can even see from this episode the streets are absolutely packed with parallel parked cars. The one flaw to a really wonderful and safe area.

The DC Cupcakes owners Sophie and Katherine, who apparently are sisters, are politely excited that there is going to be a crossover with another pair of TLC sisters. In the latest attempt to try to make these mind-numbing episodes slightly more interesting, there are these little factoids that keep popping up and blocking the left corner of my screen. Such as, the twins like chocolate cupcakes. Astonishing. But better still would be little factoids about Kate. Maybe like: Not-a-boob-job: $16,000. Family members estranged: 27. Interesting stuff like that.

The cupcake ladies get the four girls involved right away and are good with them. Kate helps out a little too, and ugh, she only has one glove on and is wagging her long straw hair right over all the cupcakes! A blogger here emailed DC about these frightening unsanitary conditions and DC’s reply I guess was kind of like, uh, um, well this was a special case. We shoulda known. Kate is a narcissist. They always demand, and often get, special treatment.

Pardon me, triple exploitation! Not only are the twins being exploited for both DC Cupcakes and Kate Plus 8, but the little kids are home with Ashley getting the crap filmed out of them without a parent present on set again. In some states this is illegal, but sadly, PA isn’t one of them. Yet. Again I ask Kate, how can she possibly know that all of this filming is good for her children if she’s not even in the same state to monitor it? Kate really is clever. Why just leave the kids home to rot, might as well make some money off them. Like making sure you put your cash in an interest-bearing account.

Ashley sets up “summer games“ activities, boys versus girls, because their entire lives they‘ve been groomed that everything is boys against the girls. Potato sack races and cute stuff like that. Ashley is so good with them, I hope she remains a part of their lives. The very idea of her possibly leaving makes my heart just ache for those kids. I remain so baffled that someone who is probably a 21-year-old kid could have such insight into what these little ones really want and need. And yet their own 36-year-old mother who birthed them ….. Wait, what is Hanna wearing on the couch?! She’s got on some giant pair of black glasses. I hate to say it, but these kids have learned that the wilder and crazier you act, the better. Ashley says the boys are sore losers. Wonder what camping trip they learned that attitude from. Yikes, Collin shoves Joel so hard he falls over. Collin was expelled from school, and here we are a year later. Again, could Kate please explain how all this filming is helping this poor kid?

Perpetually happy
Back at DC Cupcakes, Sophie the co-owner reminds me of one of those dogs who is always smiling. She is so happy and cheerful. Wow, people still say “da bomb”? I think Sophie is perhaps the only person left in the nation's capital who can pull that off. Peanut butter icing is Kate’s “favoritest.” Oh good God.

Everybody else is working. Kate is slurping. Slurping up bits of frosting off cupcakes, directly out of mixing bowls, out of a cup, pouring some into a child's mouth directly from the pastry bag. Could she be anymore annoying? It kind of reminds me of when she was eating off Jon’s plate at the restaurant. Keep your paws to yourself, and on your own food! Oh, by the way? Kate is totally the type you catch drinking the milk directly out of the milk carton and putting it back. She has the manners of a college freshman guy.

Commercials, and I just saw a promo for upcoming episodes. “I would die for these kids, but I can’t spend one more moment with her,” Ashley says tearfully as she kisses the kids goodbye. I think she would indeed die for these kids, she has been very invested in them for years and she’s a nice girl with a good heart and likely one of the only sincere adults these kids have left. I don’t care if she was talking about Kate or Jamie or her pet lizard, this has got to be one of the most disgusting things I have ever in my life seen a network do to a family--filming every last second of a departure of a child’s beloved nanny. Where the hell was Kate to put a stop to this? Because it sure looks to me like she was standing right there just letting it all be filmed. TLC has sunk to the lowest of lows with this one. I admit I did not like Ashley for the longest time, but lately she’s been growing on me and I think she really does put these kids first. I won’t go on about this right now because I’m sure I’ll have a lot more to say when I recap that one later.

We’re back. Um, okay, we’re taping cupcakes to headbands and putting them on. I just….don’t….get the fun of this stuff. Maybe I’m too much of a tomboy? Or an overpriced trendy cupcake hater? Back at the house, soccer. Event number six? I thought I’ve only seen two so far. Interesting choice of music, TLC, a Spanish-influenced “Ole” thing. Why, because it’s soccer and Spaniards love their futbol? How cliché of them. I went to my first professional soccer game last month and can I just say that leaving the game with a tie of 0-0 is the most unsatisfying feeling in the world? It’s sort of anti-American not to designate a clear loser. I see why winning-losing/good guy/bad guy obsessed Americans just never got on board with this sport. Hannah just mocked Joel on the couch, imitating him when he was trying to explain the soccer game. I don’t like that at all. This is the problem with no parent there to correct a child behaving like that. It’s a drag enough to have to do all these couch interviews, now Joel gets to be mocked by his sister too?

Ha, typical, Kate messed up some guy’s order. She was probably too busy sucking on a pastry bag to pay attention. It’s her new boxed wine. She goes out to give the guy, who is working very hard to be patient, the correct order, and on the couch is going on about how accidents happen and you just have to go with it. This from the same woman who wrapped her counter in a garbage bag like she was expecting it to catch an STD from her kids and declared that if any of the children spilled anything they would get down on the floor and pick up every single crumb. So I get it, Kate can cause all the accidents she wants, but if anyone else makes a misstep they are instantly done. Kate claims she loved interacting with (read: accosting) the customers. I’m not getting that the feeling was mutual.

Is it Georgetown cupcakes or DC cupcakes? That’s two entirely different names. I don‘t care enough to try to figure this out. Sophie and Katherine rave about how creative the girls are. I love adults that just sort of accept a child’s contributions for what they are and don’t say annoying stuff like “how about a little more blue here, or a bit more sprinkles there?” Why is it that the most supportive adults in the children’s lives are always complete strangers? By the way, the kids have also learned if it’s free, take as much as you possibly can. It’s a bit embarrassing to hear them explain that the girls basically made as much cupcakes as they could to take home, upwards of three dozen a piece. With these kind of cupcakes, that‘s a bill in the hundreds of dollars! Did no one ever say to them, when someone offers you a cookie, take only one? Maybe a dozen cupcakes each is reasonable, but three dozen??? You’ll get sick before you eat them all. This cupcake thing is just getting, well …. tacky. Uh oh, Sophie and Katherine are going on a bit too much about how awesome the girls are and not enough about Kate. Any moment now Kate is going to have to make a scene to ensure the attention gets back to her. And three….two…..one:

“Who’s that guy standing over there?” Kate demands.

The camera pans across the street and there is an absolute dead-ringer for Steve waiting to cross the street. The twins and their friends look kind of disinterested in this spectacle as Kate flags down her pimp, Steve, snapping at him to go pull his doppelganger off the street. You can’t miss him, rat claws, he looks just like you! Kate brings out a cupcake to Steve 2.0, and it’s rather like we’re back in time and it’s seventh grade and you’re trying to tell a boy you like him so you give him your Cheetos. It’s all very awkward, and gets even more awkward when the guy wants a gluten-free one! Ha!

Wouldn’t you know it, they have gluten free cupcakes for Chad, which Kate bestows on him. “Do you know who gave you that cupcake?” a producer asked.

Chad is like, uh, no?

“Kate Gosselin,” the producer says, as if she just told him, Barack Obama, or Jesse Jackson, or Princess Diana.

“Okkkkay, so she’s the owner of the, uh, the baker?” the guy stutters, clueless. Butcher? Baker? Candlestick maker? Nope, still don't know who the hell she is. A little help here please. I really love this little part, because it's so representative of reality. Most folks of which? Are oblivious to one woman's deep-fried, skanky heeled quest to take over the world on the backs of her children.

Of course Kate assures us this did not bother her at all that he didn't know her. Just like that yeast infection did not itch at all, right Kate? Well, no matter, as Kate wants nothing to do with someone broken like him anyway, she has enough people to feed at home she says. I hate how all the adults are giggling and encouraging all this. Did anyone look at the kids? Because they are not amused.

Back at the Dionne compound, tug of war. The boys are losing pretty much every event, and the boys are starting to get frustrated. Some of the kids have lost their front teeth. I cannot believe we’ve been filming these kids long enough to see them lose teeth. They were babies who couldn’t even talk for pity sake when they first graced our screens.

The kids pass out their cupcakes to random strangers. Eh, it’s one thing to wag hair over your own cupcakes, but should you really be passing them out to others?

They’re a great group of kids, Katherine says. Of course they are, Katherine. Try telling Kate that.

Oh, wow, the kids thanked Kate “two billion” times for taking them here! Once again, we never see any of this alleged gratitude on camera. All I saw were kids kind of over Kate making an embarrassing spectacle of herself. And once again, shouldn’t Kate actually thank the kids instead? They thanked Kate for what? TLC set this trip up most likely, it was their shows and they wanted to cross-promote. If it were Kate’s idea, she would have been sure to tell us. Kate did nothing. All Kate did was steal frosting out of the mixing bowl, screw up some orders, and snap her fingers at her pimp to go bring over his broken twin.

They finally leave and pile into the limo with so many bags of cupcakes it looks like the Beverly Hills shopping montage in Pretty Woman. Embarrassing. They head to Annapolis and meet up with Jon’s aunt and uncle. Kate tearfully explains that it means a lot to her that the divorce didn’t divide them. I don’t think Kate understands that, especially two years into a divorce, most well-grounded, secure people who put kids first are able to put any kind of divorce behind them and be there for the kids. They never ceased to be their great-nieces and nephews just because Kate didn’t like that Jon wanted the exploitation to stop and filed for divorce from him. It is Kate who has let the divorce cause division in the family, not other relatives. Other people have commented how sort of sad Kate looked when she asked if they had seen Jon. It is kind of sad to see her look like that. Deep down? This woman is terribly unhappy, she really is. Deep down, I think she knows the divorce did not make her life better, it made it worse. She doesn’t quite get why Jon seems so happy with “what little” he has. She doesn’t understand why, even though she has everything you could need or want, she isn’t able to exude the same kind of attitude. Because you’re not really happy, Kate. None of these things make you happy. And it is rather sad. When it comes down to it, the one thing Kate Gosselin really is, is pathetic. And I never want to see anyone be this pathetic.

Of course, the relatives have seen Jon. Why wouldn’t they? In normal families you don’t estrange everyone away until you have no one. He actually stopped by to visit them with his girlfriend. That’s typical Jon, a guy who goes out of his way to stop by to see his aunt and uncle.

They break into some crabs. The girls love this, but Kate is shrieking of course. At some point the friends got ditched, I’m a little unclear when.

Back at the orphanage, of course the girls won the summer games. They won everything.  The boys are so sweet, happily clapping for them. The kids loved it. Oh, Ashley, please don’t leave.

Annapolis is lovely, I’ve been there once. They close out the day with a relaxing boat ride. Uh-huh, this visit with Jon’s family has caused Kate to re-think her relationship with her parents and letting them see the kids. How convenient after five years she would just start thinking about this, and just as her most reliable babysitter can’t take it anymore!

I have a question for Kate. Maybe this could be answered on her upcoming episode where she takes questions. Why were the grandparents estranged in the first place? Presumably, if you’re going to prevent grandparents from seeing their grandkids, block a relationship as special as that, there should be a darn good reason. And if so, why would she be reconsidering letting them see them? Does that reason no longer exist? Or really, is it because there was never a good reason in the first place? If there were a good reason to estrange them, it doesn’t really make sense to let them see them until that reason goes away, does it?

I am imposing far too much logic on Kate, I know. The long and short of it is I suspect it was never about protecting the kids from toxic people; she more likely had some kind of personal disagreement with them that had absolutely nothing to do with their appropriateness as grandparents, and has been using the kids against them to punish them. Much like she has punished many people in her life who disagree with her, Jon notwithstanding, by using the children as pawns. Now, she just wants free babysitters, so she‘ll put aside any old disagreement if it means she gets something free. Checkmate. Yes, Kate, fragmentation is a word, for once. Make up words enough and you’re eventually going to hit on something that actually is a real word.

Maybe pictures will help Kate. Families should be like planaria. Cut them up and they should find a way to grow right back.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ratings hit 1 million in the first half hour, then drop under a million during the second

Kate Plus 8 (TLC 9:00PM) DC Cupcakes
-1.092million viewers
-0.40 A18-49

Kate Plus 8 (TLC, 9:30 PM) 8 Movie Makers
-0.907 million viewers
-0.30 A18-49


Monday, August 8, 2011

Are the grandparents coming back into the kids' lives? Kate reconsiders their long-standing estrangement

"I don't want to create any more family fragmentation," Kate says.

Kate made yet another clear statement tonight (of many she and Jon have made over the years) that the grandparents are not involved in the kids' lives. The absent grandparents have been one of the most talked-about issues since almost the beginning. The kids do "remember" them, Kate says, but lately, she's been thinking about actually letting them see each other. The kids have been asking about the grandparents, Kate said on tonight's D.C. Cupcakes episode. And she's considering letting her parents back in the circle of trust, to promote family unity after the divorce and to satisfy the kids' curiosity.

As long as the grandparents are not toxic people, sounds great (and we have had our suspicions from time to time they might be, especially after someone claiming to be Kate's mom showed up on another blog last fall, allegedly verified to be the real deal by even Radaronline.com, and started publicly bashing other family members to thousands of readers, calling Aunt Jodi, the mother of three of her grandchildren, "jealous" and "greedy" and "not nice people".). And if they are toxic? Then Kate might actually be making the right call here. Here's hoping whatever she decides, it's in the kids' best interest and that old family grudges are left out of the equation.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Discussion Thread: DC Cupcake Visit and 8 Movie Makers

Kate's in NYC to promote new episodes of the show, on a "press tour," as she calls it.

Meanwhile, two new episodes of Kate Plus 8 air Monday, and Kate's after more than just a sweet cupcake. She has her pimp flag down a Steve look-a-like to flirt with, then discards him when she finds out he's a celiac (i.e. deformed, and definitely too much work).

DC Cupcake Visit
Monday, 8/7/11

Kate takes Mady and Cara and their two best friends, who are also sisters, to visit and bake with the stars of TLC's DC Cupcakes, Sophie and Katherine. Back home with the sextuplets, it's a boys vs. girls summer games competition. Who will win?

8 Movie Makers
Monday, 8/7/11

Although the eight Gosselin children are no strangers to being on camera, they have a lot to learn about being behind the camera when making their own movie! 

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Hodge Podge Dinner Recap 6/27/11: Even Shoka thanked Kate!

Coming up on Kate Plus 8! On the one hand, we’re going to deliver baked goods to the Kidney Dialysis Center where Kate used to work. On the other, we’re going grocery shopping for “gross” foods like canned sardines for dinner. I don’t get how the two are related, other than, um, food?

As a side note, I think if you’re going to introduce a new food to a kid, the last thing you should do is give them the canned version. For instance, canned watery, salty peas with an expiration date five years from now are infinitely more gag-inducing than buying some plump sweet peas in season from the local farmer’s market, shelling them yourself and cooking them with a little butter. Yum. The same with sardines. Fresh sardines are actually pretty delicious, especially in Asian dishes. Canned sardines taste like, well, bomb shelter food. Give a kid processed food like that and they will swear off peas and sardines forever, unaware that a much better, healthier version exists out there they might actually like.

This episode is called “Hodge Podge Dinner” but notably, Kate went around for several weeks beforehand on Twitter laughingly calling it “Gross Dinner.” I guess since the kids were helping to make dinner some wise soul at TLC decided calling it “gross” was too mean?

Kate has the kids lined up at the kitchen counter and a giant black garbage bag taped to it. Several people have pointed out that it’s not safe to use a garbage bag like this because of the chemicals in the plastic. Sure enough, even the USDA has advised about the dangers of chemicals seeping from the bag into the food. Besides, isn’t that the point of that beautiful marble counter? You can easily wipe it down when you spill, good as new. I love how in her quest to save herself 30 seconds of clean up, Kate compromised the safety of the food.

“If it turns into a mess, you’re instantly done!” Master Chief Kate shouts. I half expect her to whip out a bullhorn. You know, a lot of  people cook because it’s therapy, it‘s calming. Because messes can be cleaned up and mistakes fixed. But like most everything else, Kate treats it like it’s the Navy Seals and either you suck it up and hold that boat above your head in the pouring rain for hours upon hours, or ring the bell and get out.

By the way? Chefs don’t care about making messes, they have aprons for that. Jamie Oliver actually wants you to make bread directly on your counter, by building a well with flour and pouring the water and yeast inside. I’ve done this a few times and while it’s hard work, it’s fun. And it was easy to wipe up the stray flour when I was done, no garbage bags necessary.

The kids and Kate make muffins, cookies and brownies for the patients of the local dialysis center where she used to work. She specifically says it’s for the patients, and I don’t know, with so many diabetics and people with other health problems who have to go on dialysis, baked goods seems a rather insensitive choice.

Master Chief Kate shouts: “If your sugar spills you will get down and pick up every granule, and you know that I mean that!” My good God, Mommie Dearest is not in the best mood. I hope there aren‘t any wire hangers in the kids‘ closets today.

“Yes, Drill Sergeant!” the kids shout back. Ha, I wish.

Kate is sitting on the couch with an expression rather like she’s getting a colonoscopy. For someone who claims to love their job, she sure looks terrible. She hates messes, blah blah.

Kate hand feeds the kids raw cookie dough. For a nurse and for someone so obsessive, I find this a bit baffling. Raw cookie dough has raw eggs. Increases your risk of getting salmonella. I know about salmonella. I came down with it once when I was abroad, and it was two weeks of hellish diarrhea that (brace yourselves) looked like black tar and smelled like death. There is no medicine for it. You drink Gatorade and rest. I made it through it okay because I was a healthy young adult, but it can be very dangerous for children. By the way, did you know when you get salmonella your doctor reports it to the Health Department and then the Health Department calls you and interviews you? Probably to pinpoint outbreaks. That was kind of interesting, they were really nice and genuinely concerned for me.

On the couch, Kate is griping that the kids always abandon her and she is left to finish things up, but the footage clearly shows Kate yelling at the kids to go down to the basement. So how is that abandonment when you’ve been ordered to leave the room? She is nothing if not inconsistent, and confusing. I have read that narcissists get off on this, keeping people, invariably their children, in a constant state of confusion.

Aw, sweet and helpful Collin offers to feed the chickens. He and Aaden go out there and give the chickens some scraps and play with Shoka a bit. Poor, poor Shoka, out there in the cold, wanting to be inside with the family watching them bake.

Kate talks, quite sincerely actually, about how when she worked at the dialysis center, how inspiring it was to watch what the patients went through, and how happy she was when someone got a kidney transplant. You know what? I think she had a bit of a sincere passion for nursing at some point. I think she could go back, and take her kids out of the public eye, and work a quiet job like this and give her kids their lives back. She might even find herself, I don’t know, happy. She just doesn’t want to believe that kind of life could ever make the family happy, that’s all.

As I ‘ve mentioned before, my dad once told me about a Twilight Zone episode in which a man dies and thinks he is in “heaven“. He has all the money in the world, all the girls in the world, and always wins every gambling hand. He loves it at first, but after a short time, always having everything he could ever want starts to drive him absolutely crazy. Some kind reader here alerted me about when this episode was going to be on TV, and I got to see it. Thank you! Here’s a clip, when the mans finds out that this place where you have everything just handed to you, is actually hell, not heaven:

So anyway, when Kate always says her kids deserve everything, the obvious lesson is that no, having everything does not make you happy. I can’t help but think how immature her understanding of what kids really need and deserve is. And it’s not, everything just handed to them, that’s for sure.

Next, they wrap up the treats and head out to a rental van because the big blue bus is in the shop. Screaming and yelling, squabbling, Kate yanking Collin back by his jacket (I hate when adults pull kids around like plow horses, is that how you would treat an adult?), everything that makes charity work seem so appealing. The reason Kate quit her job at the dialysis center, she explains, is she couldn’t do the 16 hour Saturday shifts anymore. I like how she and her fans always make it seem like any “real job” she could ever go back to would require 16 hour shifts on Saturdays. I know half a dozen people in the medical field who don’t work hours like that, not all jobs are like that. And there are many other careers you could take up where you’d never have to work a weekend or holiday, ever. Though come to think of it, if Jon has the kids every other weekend, wouldn’t that be a perfect time for her to pick up a weekend shift? The bottom line is of course she can go back to a private career, just like Jon did. She just won’t.

Kate hugs some former co-workers, and even sees some former patients, everyone is very polite to her and act excited to see her. Oh, Kate really is such a tool. “My dialysis patients were my first audience,” she says. “Cause, they were strapped down, they couldn’t get away from me!”

So in other words, she always wanted a captive audience. It was never about the kids or college funds or just getting by. It was about Kate getting her audience. I’m not surprised, of course it always was. I’m just surprised that Kate let that one slip. This picture I have of Kate putting on some kind of bad vaudeville act with a top hat and cane in front of some poor sick patient is laughable, but sad.

You know what? Kate’s co-workers make her seem like she was really good at this. She made the patients happy, by whistling, remembers one. Kate whistling. Well, at least if she’s whistling she can’t be lying, right?  In all honesty, as Kate would say, it sounds like this was a really good career for her. Why not go back?

Kate fumbles around with a dialysis machine trying to show it to the kids. And after a few missteps, remarkably, she gets it. On the couch, Leah explains how the machine works, and she is adorable. I think it’s good for kids to see things like this, and it sounds like they learned something.

Back at home, I can’t really tell if this is the same day, a second later I realize I don’t care what day it is, but Kate says they are going to do a “Hodge Podge Dinner” and they will each get to pick pieces of paper out of a hat listing one thing to buy at the grocery store. This dinner was all her idea, Kate makes certain to add. Ha. If this is such an unscripted reality show, why wouldn’t it be her idea? This is mildly fun, I suppose. But invariably there is a lot of bickering.

They arrive at the grocery store, and oh, I have so grown to love these hypocritical Kate moments. “First of all, we’re not making a scene,” Kate snaps at the kids, “so be quiet and move quietly!”

Kate? By virtue of the fact that you are carting in a production crew and filming this entire trek through the store while everyone else is just trying to do their weekly shopping and mind their own business and look after their children in private, you are making a scene. It is Kate causing the scene here with her crew, not the kids.

The kids basically pick out whatever they want, and they seem to be enjoying themselves. Ew, Kate is one of those people who gets a bagel with her bare hands without using the little pieces of tissue paper or tongs they always provide you. I know most people think that she is not actually a germaphobe at all. I agree, she just wants attention is all it is.

Kate demands that the grocery cashier, a woman she apparently recognizes from past shopping trips, look at all the food they bought. Kate? I don’t think she cares. She’s just trying to scan your items and get to the next customer and take care of her family like every other working woman. Kate keeps making a big deal about how hard it is to take all the kids grocery shopping and this is why she never does it. I don’t know, the kids seem behaved enough to me. They’re standing beside the carts, helping to push carts and helping to load bags. I don’t get why she acts like taking the kids here is like moving a piano down a maze. I think she never does this because she’s lazy. She’ll only do it if they’re filming. How Kate perceives what’s happening in any given situation is often vastly different than what an objective person sees.

Commercials. Uh oh, new show called I Kid With Brad Garrett. Seems kind of like a rip off of Kids Say the Darndest Things. Looks like some awfully cute kids there. Wonder if Kate feels threatened by all these new shows on TLC’s lineup. Some new show about a medium with a bunch of kids sounds like typical TLC fare that will of course do well for some odd reason. Next thing we know Kate will claim she can communicate with the dead too, she just never mentioned it before. Another season of Extreme Couponing, sweet, what will happen next, will another register crash from the 1500 coupons scanned into it? A hundreds bucks Kate’ll be back to talking about cutting coupons before the year is up.

Back at the house, they start cooking up the dinner. Kate keeps saying how gross it is, but I really don’t see what’s so gross about foods like bagels, burritos, carrots and pizza. Most kids like all those things. Surprisingly, the kids picked out mostly normal kid foods. But I guess since gross is the theme, Kate feels she must really sell it.

A lot of the kids are open to trying sardines. I don’t find this surprising, I’m not sure why. Maybe because they’re just, overall, pretty agreeable kids, from everything I’ve seen. Joel is so cute, laughing as he says he doesn’t like them. Collin loves them. Naturally Kate is one of the few who refuses to try them. I love when adults try to lecture kids about things like trying new foods, but then they won’t even try themselves. Whatever.

Shoka loved the sardines, says Kate, although I don‘t see Shoka anywhere around. :-( Maybe Kate carried a plate of them out to him in his outdoor doghouse in the cold after all the fun was over? “He said thank you for my hodge podge dinner,” Kate says. Ha, just like the kids always thank her, right?

The kids like this fun dinner, but as far as show ideas go, I see why TLC won’t make Kate a producer. The entire second half of the episode, the part that was all her idea, was excruciatingly mundane.

As the episode comes to a close, Kate gripes, “If you throw up tonight, you’re on your own!” I don’t get it, why would this be any different than before?