Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Episode 2 Recap--Kart dances a "nightmare" Jive

Coming up tonight …. Everyone else on this show is really dedicated, wants to be here, and is busting ass. Meanwhile back in the keystone state the shopping Kart is whining and crying and Tony is … quitting??? Awesome, this night might not be so bad after all.

Liiiive! This is Dancing …. With the Stars! Buh-buh! Da-da-da-da-dadada…da-da-da-da-da. Repeat as necessary.

Tom Burgeron is talking really loud, and I can barely hear Brooke, until the sound guy quickly adjusts. Live TV. Let’s welcome the stars. And Kate.

Buzz and Ashley look really amazing, like something straight out of a dance hall in Chicago circa World War II. I love them. Tony’s costume looks like he decorated it with the remnants of a red piñata, and Kate’s fake hair looks like how she wished it had looked in 1991, if her parents had done right by her and given her everything her little heart desired. Even the spray tan can’t help here--Kate’s white as a sheet like she’s going to puke, as well she should. I think the exact moment when she realized she had absolutely no business being here probably came sometime about Tuesday afternoon last week. I mean think about how surreal this is. A nobody kid in Pennsylvania goes to a fertility doctor, gets at least six embryos implanted in her uterus, manages to grow the babies big enough to survive, and now she’s …. on Dancing With the Stars? How does that even happen?

Wow, Pam Andersen is doing a Marilyn Monroe thing and boy is she selling it. More on Pam and how awesome and talented she is later. The judges say if someone had been kicked out this week it would have been an upset. That’s interesting, wonder who it was. Not Kate or Buzz, then? Um, I don’t know, Chad?

Brenda is up at the beginning again. That doesn’t seem fair. Personally I think it’s a huge advantage to go first and get it over with. Others I suppose might want to know what everyone’s scores are first and then go at the end. Her hair is in pigtails just like her character Jenny on Little House on the Prairie. You remember she was on that show when she was like 12, right? Only by the time she joined the cast, the show had strayed so far from the original books poor Laura was getting dizzy in her grave. Basically Michael Landon adopted every orphan that side of the Mississippi (yeah, not in the books), and then his daughter Half-Pint adopted Brenda, who then tried to commit suicide in the pond (negative, not in the books either. Pie baking was though.). It must be watched to be believed. Anyway, very aggressive jive, the judges give her 20 out of 30.

Aiden and his partner really struggled emotionally this week. It got them down when he got the second to lowest score. When your score is even lower than Kart’s, you have a God given right to be depressed. But they get out there and their fox trot is better than their performance last week, smooth and restrained. Solid, says Carrie Anne. Ooo, John Stamos will be on tomorrow? I love Uncle Jesse. You got it, dude. Brooke asks some stupid questions of the dancers and finally the scores, 19 out of 30.

Evan’s hair makes him look like The Beatles. I think he’s a little too old for the shaggy haircut all the 14-year-old boys have these days. Now he looks like John Travolta. Their jive is great of course, very complicated and he’s really feeling the music. Honestly ice skating seems awfully similar to this kind of thing. I know they try to say how different it is because they have to turn the opposite way (oh my!) but let’s get real, he has a huge advantage. I just realized this is two hours. Help. Score is 24 out of 30.

I kind of like how self-deprecating Neicy Nash is, but the giant fake flower in her hair makes her lose all credibility. I think she’s trying to make it her trademark, but that’s not anything original or unique, and I hate bees so anything that might attract them to my face just seems hazardous to me. I guess a lot of people are pulling for her. If she loses the flower, and tries not to sound so scratchy when she talks, I’ll reconsider. On the dance floor instead of one giant flower, it’s lots of little flowers. Same difference. Neicy gets props for having great music, and I kind of dig that she ends up in some big black man’s lap at the end of the routine. If they really want ratings, maybe Kate could end up in Steve’s lap at the end of hers. Wow, her sister looks exactly like her. Two Neicys wandering around out there make me uncomfortable. Her fox trot is better than last week, she looks like a real dancer, good for her.

You know what? Carrie Anne is kind of obnoxious at times. She jokes that they did a lift. Um, no they didn’t, Crazy Anne. Plus you relaxed that rule a long, long time ago, so why are you bringing it up? Niecy talks back again, but this time it’s justified. Shut up, Carrie Anne. 21 out of 30.

Jake the Bachelor. I really love guys in plaid jackets if they can pull it off. He manages it. I underestimated this guy, his jive’s pretty advanced, and he’s right on beat. Why is Carrie Anne so obsessed with lifts? Seriously, shut the hell up. Nobody cares, you’re the only one to ever bring it up, it’s super nit-picky, there are 20 other things to nit-pick with this guy first and you’re going to dock a whole point for a lift? I think at some point in her childhood, somebody, maybe her mother, dropped Carrie Anne trying to do a lift. 20 out of 30. A 6 from Carrie Anne (booo says the audience, justifiably) and two 7’s.

Anyone out there still think networks like ABC or TLC care about Kate? Well, besides Kate I mean. Because even though Kate herself said how nervous waiting until the end to dance last time made her, they are making her wait again. Not to spoil it, but she ends up dead last to dance! They really do care about you, Kate, they are not using you at all to get good ratings and keep people watching the whole show, I see that now!

See how easy it was to fake the moon landing? There are Buzz and Ashley right there next to the lunar modular. How many moon/space double entendre can we squeeze into five minutes? How many stars are in the sky? They even dance to “Fly Me to the Moon.“ Ashley draws Buzz a map of the fox trot. Hey, that’s a really good idea for someone with a linear mind like an engineer would have. Their dance kind of looks like exactly what they did last week, with Ashley dancing and Buzz sort of just walking around. He is a crowd favorite though. Carrie Anne is a little bitch tonight. Does she even really need to criticize this poor guy? Even Len won’t do it. There is this super awkward conversation with Brooke about Buzz showing his wife some moves. Dancing moves, that is. Ew, okay, enough. 12 out of 30, oh Buzz.

Derek’s got a sort of a teenage Brad Pitt thing going on. Benjamin Button? He looks happy, I think he knows he has this competition in the bag already. The dancers get more money, too, when they advance, and it sucks to be Tony. Kate never thinks any of her bullshit affects anyone, but she should realize that because she’s probably going to get kicked off in the next few weeks if not sooner, Tony isn’t making as much money for him and his own spouse and children. Because of her vanity and her insistence on doing a show she had no business touching with a ten foot pole, Tony didn’t get to have a partner who had a fighting chance. Kate needs to realize, even though she never will, her choices have real consequences. Kate keeps mouthing “I love you” obnoxiously to the camera, like Carol Burnett used to always tug on her ear. I hope Steve got the message. The implication is obviously, she loves her kids. We get it, Kate, you’re a mom and you love your kids. We get it, we get it. Pam Andersen is a mom too, but she doesn’t have a need to rub that in every chance she gets. By the way, the kids weren’t dragged to the set like the rumors said, thank God. But wait until next week. At some point she’s gotta go all in.

You know it’s one thing to have danced at some point in your career, but Pussycat’s career is dancing. I don’t mind her, but something about this doesn’t ring very fair. She is light years ahead of all the other contestants, even Evan. She’s got kind of a dirty jive but it works. Amazing scores of 28 out of 30.

Erin and Maks fight a little in the rehearsal clips. Hey, Erin is dancing to Taylor Swift. Kate thinks she and Taylor are friends, ha. Wonder how long it will take Kate to estrange Taylor. The fox trot is a little simple, although I love her modest costume. Len scolds her for fighting with Maks, which I wish he would do to Kate. He tells her to shut up, get on with dancing, and trust her Pro. Sing it!!! 23 out of 30.

Woo-hoo, Pamela Andersen is up. She was hysterical last week when she said “check!” at the end of her dance--a clear dig at Kate. Not only is she beautiful, talented and sexy, but she’s smart, too. By the way, this whole ditzy, flighty blonde thing she is always doing is just a character--if there’s one thing I hope to accomplish in these recaps it’s that I want everyone to realize that. You’ve probably figured out, I live in Los Angeles. I’ve had my share of celebrity encounters, have even worked for a few, and are friends with a few people you may know. And sadly most of them, like Kate, are narcissistic bitches and assholes who will wipe their boots on you until they have no use for you and then toss you out with the recycling. When I encounter a celebrity who is actually a nice person too? I want them to get credit for it. This isn’t how Pam talks in real life, or acts. She’s normal and intelligent. Put her in a burgundy suit and she could pass for a museum curator, believe it or not. This past week we’ve been getting reports from the rumor mill about the stars on set. Kate is, shockingly, a spoiled little out-of-her-league brat. But Pam Andersen is “down to earth,” which is exactly the words I used to describe her in last week’s recap.

Like I’ve said before, I’ve had a lot of encounters with Pam because we lived down the street from each other for three years, and I nannied for friends of her sweet children, Dylan and Brandon. I thought I’d share some “Pam is awesome!” stories right here in the recaps, until Kate is finally voted off. I’ll start with the best one, since Kate could go pretty soon.

First of all, Pam Andersen is the most hands on mother I’ve ever seen in Hollywood, celeb and non-celeb alike. She is right there in the trenches with Dylan and Brandon, hair back in a ponytail, no makeup, sweatpants on, picking them up from school with a backpack in one hand and their science project in the other. Her children adore her, they can count on her, and the love and security that gives them, being dealt the difficult hand of being the child of not one but two very famous celebrities, is invaluable. (Speaking of Tommy Lee, he‘s very involved in their lives too, visiting frequently.)

One thing you have to understand about a lot of celebrities in this town, is that their children are paraded out for photo-ops now and again and the rest of the time hidden away where they won‘t bother anyone. The assistant and the nanny typically take care of all the finer details busy and famous parents can‘t be troubled with, and every once in awhile the actual parent will swoop in for a kiss or a photo, then swoop out. Not so for Pam Andersen. While other celeb moms of her status and frankly even lower use the nanny as the substitute parent, Pam wants to do everything that a nanny typically does.

So anyway, at the local elementary school, a hot spot for celeb children and their nannies, they had a fourth and fifth grade dance on a Friday. They asked parents to help chaperone, decorate, do the music, etc. Except for Pam, no one famous or “important” helped out, most just sent the nanny. I was one of those nannies sent. But Pam signed up for everything! She helped decorate, she chaperoned, and she even hired the DJ, a friend of hers who spun some really cool stuff for the kids. She was out there dancing, too. Can you imagine as a fifth grade boy Pam Anderson chaperoning your dance? Of course the kids loved it, and Brandon was regarded as the kid with the coolest mom ever. You could see how proud Brandon was of his mama and how much he loved getting all the credit for the dance being such a blast. And by the way, there were no paparazzi tipped off to document all this. The truth is, I wish I had gotten a job with Pam Andersen being Dylan and Brandon‘s nanny, and not the other family I ended up with. Problem is, Pam so rarely uses a nanny I would never be needed. Her kids go to public school, if I didn’t mention that. And we all know she can afford the Gosselin’s private prep school if she wanted to. But I don’t know, maybe she wants her kids to be around normal kids in this town, have a normal life. Maybe she gets that privileges …. don‘t necessarily mean happiness. That’s Pam in a nutshell. More stories to come next week, if Kate makes it that far.

Pam’s Marilyn Monroe impression is remarkable. She could do this full time. Sometimes I wonder where she might be if she went a different direction with her career, like less Baywatch and more Meryl Streep. But I guess the problem is her whole persona is based on this bimbo character, again which she is nothing like reality. I almost kind of wonder if she has some insecurity with her talents and even looks. The way she runs through men she’s way too good for is a clue. Ha, Tom says a busload of Kennedys just pulled up.

Len says this is titivating. Hey, it’s in the dictionary. Pam is still in character. Everything she does is Marilyn. She’s so cool. 22 out of 30. Brooke asks, “Will we see all the sides of Pamela this season?” See, Pam is so quick and funny--she quips, “I think everyone’s seen all the sides of Pamela!”

Chad Ochocinco. Cheryl smacks Chad in practice, just like the way Kate used to batter around Jon! Are these guys, um, a thing? Jon and Kate taught me that if you hit someone, that someone is probably your lover and the father of your children. Their fox trot is tentative. I like the song “100 Years,” but it always tries so hard to make me nostalgic for 15. Braces, glasses, zits, and a nerdy boyfriend who was shorter than me and turned out to be gay? Not nostalgic, but good try! 16 out of 30, harsh!

Two hours later, it’s finally Kate’s turn. I’m ready to see Tony quit, let’s go! They show footage from at least three different dance studios, not just the basement of the McMansion. I simply don’t believe all their rehearsing happens in PA. The basement has a lot of expensive exercise equipment in the background, more toys for the parents bought with the kids’ money.

Tony says teaching Kate is hard because nothing is coming natural to her, this is all like a foreign language. And also, Tony, because she’s a self-absorbed, selfish, narcissist bitch with zero talent and one magical uterus. I’m guessing this interview was done before he quit. He really got a tough assignment here, I feel for him.

Kate bitches and moans a bunch of nonsensical stuff like “How can I do this?”, “I don’t feel like I’m doing it,” and “waa, waa, waa.” These are things a mother in natural labor and going through transition says, not someone given the opportunity of a lifetime. She even stomps her foot, pouts and bemoans, “We don’t have enough time! I’m stressed!” She reminds me of Mady when Mady was six and being exploited so Kate could someday get to this spot right here.

Tony‘s getting ticked. He kind of looks like an Eastern European version of Jon. Throw him in an Ed Hardy t-shirt and don’t shave for a few days and he’s there. I’d like to put him on the TLC couch with her, just to see it. Kate married him to have half-Eastern European babies because she thinks they’re little and have cute accents. Tony and Kate Plus 8, it still rhymes.

Kate says something nonsensical again about him asking questions, and now Tony’s really pissed, he says he’s trying to tell her how to do the dance so she doesn‘t have the same question a million times. Fair point. Kate says that doesn’t tell me everything I need to know. Okay, also fair point. So shut the hell up and listen and he will.

Tony finally joins the party and realizes that Kate is doing to him what she has done to everyone in her life: Informed them that they’re wrong, she’s right, and if you don’t do it her way, there’s hell to pay. If you own a teddy bear, hide it. Now. Please oh please Tony, be a man and stand up to this complete…and….utter….narcissistic….bullshit! “You’re telling me how to teach you how to dance?” Tony says in disbelief.

Believe it, Tony. Yes, she is telling you how to teach her how to dance. Still not getting it, he says, “That’s what I do for a living!” Tony seems so shocked Kate would behave like this, I’m guessing he also thought that Ricky Martin coming out was breaking news.

Kate tries to tell us that she is not undermining him as a teacher. But she is. You can say you aren’t, but you are. I too can say that milk is green, but it’s white. Kate is often in denial about how she makes others feel, we’ve seen this song and dance before. Or she just skips a step and tells us how other people feel, like how she always tells us how happy the kids are. Thanks, I can tell when the kids are happy myself, like when I saw their faces when Jon picked them up from the bus stop yesterday. Kate says she is qualified to know how it is she wants something to be shown to her. Umm, what? If you’ve never done the jive before, how can you possibly know the best way to learn the jive? Or any dance? “Show me so I can get it!” Kate says tearfully. Kate, he is showing you. You just don’t like the way he is showing you.

It’s true, Tony has never won Dancing With the Stars. But he’s taken third place twice, fourth place once, and brought two post-menopausal partners all the way to sixth place. He knows what he’s doing. As Len told Erin, who by the way didn‘t even deserve this: Shut up, get on with dancing, and trust your partner.

Tony says he has never been questioned as a teacher. Wellll, that’s not exactly true, Tony. Other celeb dancers have questioned his methods, but they have also said, wisely, he must know what he’s doing so I’m just going to go with it. They accepted that he’s taken third place twice, fourth place once, and brought two post-menopausal partners all the way to sixth place. It’s astounding the laundry list of narcissistic divas Tony has been partnered with, all of whom Kate has just made seem totally normal and down to earth. Even Kathy Ireland and her cheapo fugly furniture seem like something I want to decorate my living room with now.

Oh my God I love Tony. He is valiantly trying to put the bitch in her place. She tries to do one of those half-ass “apologies” that make it seem like she’s not responsible whatsoever, like, I’m sorry YOU got hurt. Tony mutters, “So it’s my fault this whole thing?”

“You’re not hearing what I’m saying,” Kate says, ignoring his question. Because in case you didn’t get the memo, this entire fight is all about Kate. As is Dancing with the Stars, the children, the divorce, the media attention, and so on.

“I’ve heard you all day,” Tony retorts. Oh … my … God this is getting so good. This makes me wonder, could anyone on this planet other than Jon have put up with her for that long? Tony only lasted four weeks here! When there used to be a board on TWOP, some folks used to call him St. Jon. But you see, St. Jon he kinda is. He has earned his wings. Jon haters around the world are suddenly realizing they‘ve been Konned--by Kart, TLC, and the whole lot of them.

“I’m done today,” Kate says. For the record, The Shopping Kart quit first. They make it seem like Tony quit on her, but really Kate said she quit, and then Tony said fine I quit, too.

Then she says, Please don’t make arguments where there’s none. What the fuck? Kate is arguing with him! She started this whole thing! So, like, if Kate says she wants something a different way and you try to protest, you made an argument where there’s none? But if Tony has a different opinion about something, she’s justified in disputing him. I can’t even follow her circular logic anymore, this is worse than the LSAT.

Tony rips off his microphone and says “I quit,” and literally jogs out of the room. Run, Tony, faster! Run far away, to Park City, or Vegas, anywhere but with Kart!

Kate is crying, and, “To be continued…” my screen says. Until when? I wanna know what happens! For a moment there I thought this was going over to tomorrow night. Oh, good, we just have to wait for a quick commercial.

We’re back. Oh, no, the producers won’t let Tony actually quit. Darn. Teams have quit before actually, believe it or not. Tony’s partner Sara Evans withdrew during the middle of the competition because she was going through a divorce. Tony gives some rehearsed speech the producers quickly scrambled together about how he had a weak moment. No, no, no, Tony, you fell for the classic Kate-trap! You are now blaming yourself, not her! You did EXACTLY what she wanted! This kind of thing just encourages her. Then he goes back. Thank you for not quitting, Kate tells him. A lot of people have quit on me in my life. I wait for Tony to remove his cowboy hat and tearfully quiver, “I wish I knew how to quit you, Kart!” Whoops, wrong movie.

Now, see, if you didn’t know Kate that well, like maybe this is the first time you’ve really seen her in action, you might fall for that pathetic and manipulative “Everyone has quit on me” comment. But don’t, and I’ll tell you why! People in Kart’s life don’t quit on Kart. Kart DRIVES THEM AWAY. She has estranged all the children’s closest relatives and friends. She goes through nannies like the kids go through organic fluffernutter. You wouldn’t know it the way she tells it, but she filed for divorce first, not Jon. Yes, check the archives of Radaronline, the Shopping Kart is the Petitioner and Jon is the DEFENDANT! She actively drove him away by treating him like a doormat. She’s amassed more enemies than Bernie Madoff. Kate has always wanted us to believe that all those people are wrong, every single one of them, and she’s right. Uh-huh. I’ll always remember what my old boss on my nanny job said to me once about a mutual “friend” of ours. “When one child is estranged from their mother, you don’t think about it. But when two are estranged, you start looking at the mother.” So true.

On a side note, I’m going to make a prediction. Someday, probably soon, TLC will have no more use for her and will dump her. And Kate will turn on them too. She will not speak to them, she will badmouth them in the press, lawsuits may go around, and they will go from friend to enemy faster than you can call the Paps out for a trip to the nail salon. They will be just one more entity on the list of people who have “quit” on Kate.

This is Kate’s story. She is responsible for being alone. I’m not counting the man she pays to be by her side while his wife waits back in Maryland. Everyone else on this show has fathers, mothers, sisters, spouses, kids, friends, etc., to pan to in the audience. Kate has nobody. No one. And it’s not because she lives in PA. We have airplanes now.

“This whole situation was just a miscommunication,” Kate says. Read, it was not Kate’s fault, it was Tony’s, for simply not understanding her.

This fight was so classic Kate I couldn’t have scripted it better. If you want to know how she is, that’s it right there.

Finally, The Jive! It starts out mildly okay, then progresses to Kate sort of bouncing gently up and down on her two tree trunks. If she’s anything like that in bed, no wonder she couldn’t get pregnant on her own. She is missing a ton of steps and Tony actually has to mouth the moves to her as they go. How much does she weigh, maybe 135? Tony is dragging her around the floor like she’s a linebacker. Kate can’t even smile she’s so petrified she’ll forget a step. Her teeth are sort of clenched and her face is rigid. She totally bombs, again.

Bruno, our new national hero and future spokesperson for Target, says Kart needs acting lessons and that her routine was a nightmare. A nightmare! And that she’s a Stepford wife. Tell us more, Bruno! But Tom moves along. Darn. Oh, Bruno also said something weird and awkward about dancing with Elton John in the south of France. As long as he meant that to be an insult to Kart, fine.

The only positive thing Carrie Anne can say is, well, Kart, you made it through the routine and are still standing on the other side! Haha! Carrie Anne is still going on and on about lifts. I want to punch her in the face. Look at, Tony can barely push the shopping Kart down the frozen food section let alone worry about a little lift. But it’s totally awesome when Crazy Anne says she can’t give bonus points for effort, in direct response to Kate’s statement to the press that they should. No special treatment for you, Kart! Ha-ha, you’re not in Reading anymore, this is L.A.! Len says she needs to get over her nerves and go for it.

See, Kate wasted a lot of time trying to tell Tony how to do his job and as a result their dance was atrocious. It’s her own fault. She wasted a lot of time belittling and berating Jon, too, and as a result there wasn’t enough time to work on their marriage. Incidentally, Kate says a dance partnership is like marriage. If that’s what marriage looks like, no thanks. Tony will say later in the press Um, excuse me, a dance partnership is nothing like a marriage, which implies equal partnership. I’m the boss, you’re the student, STFU. Gooooo Tonnny!

Honest to God, if you watch this show, Tony is NEVER like this. He hardly ever says anything. He is no hot-head like maybe Maks is. And he is always incredibly sweet and loving to his partners. Kate, you’ve pushed even TONY over the edge, congratulations.

Kate looks resigned to really sucking and Tony actually covers his eyes, ha. Straight 5’s, which is generous. Kate says they’re not quitters. Well, Tony quit, so ….

Initially, I wanted Kate gone. Now I‘m kind of thinking, you know what, she wanted it, so let‘s give it to her. She wanted to play with the big boys and girls, she wanted to be famous, force her to suffer through this and vote her all the way to the end. You want it, Kate, you GOT IT!

Do what you like. I don’t vote on these kinds of things though. I never have, even though I’ve personally known two people now who have danced on this show. I didn’t even vote for them. I think you’d have to get my own mother on this show before I’d be motivated enough to pick up the phone.

Results show coming up tomorrow …..

And here we are time for the Results show. I won’t recap these things in much detail unless something really interesting happens. Let’s just get on with it:

Len feels sorry for Kate. Do NOT feel sorry for her. I’m prepared to give you a thesis as to why, any time. They exploit Haiti almost as much as they are exploiting Kate. Buzz is safe, our voting strategy worked maybe a little too well. It’s bulllll shiiittt that Pam and Brenda are in the bottom two and not Kate! I think maybe Pam’s fan base is mostly men who maybe aren‘t tuning in or are too cool to vote even if they enjoy watching her. I feel bad for her, she so deserves to be here and Dylan and Brandon at least need to see her dance once. It saddens me her true beautiful personality isn’t coming through all that clearly. With Brenda, I think a lot of her fan base is 28 years old now and busy with careers and fiancés and aren’t watching either. Brenda gets voted off. It’s not fair. I protest! She did this for her dad, because her dad is still in her life and they love each other, and now she’s gone. Boo-hiss. Kate survives another week.

54 sediments (sic) from readers:

Lauren said...

*Sigh* I can't believe Shannon was voted off. This show is rigged. Shannon and her partner worked really hard and she seemed to be enjoying herself.

Like you said in the recap Admin, if Kate wanted to be on this show, well then let her have her chance. She is making a total fool out of herself all while saying she is doing her best. I think by saying that she's setting up Tony for all the blame.

Cary Ann Inaba mentioned something during judgment time about Kate having both feet off the floor. Does anyone know what that means in ballroom dance speak? Is it like having one foot on the ice during ice dancing?

Administrator said...

I think the lifts Carrie Anne is griping about and "feet off the floor" are one in the same. Ballroom dancing officials rules prohibit lifts--two feet off the floor with the assistance of your partner. Allegedly Dancing With the Stars using a slightly different rule book that permits certain lifts and lets you blur the line, but I've never seen that released publically. Nevertheless I don't remember seeing a lift from Kate, maybe when Tony was tossing her around. But seriously, Carrie Anne is worried about lifts when all of it was so horrible in the first place?

NancyB said...

Yes Admin, I too think our voting stategy worked a little too well. Shannen did a great job with the jive + had relly improved. Thanks for taking the time to do these recaps-very enjoyable reading! I'm switching my votes to Pam now. I can not tell you how disappointed I will be if she is next. Admin, do you know what dance Kart will do next week? Lauren, I am also wondering about the strong possibility of the show being rigged. Someone on Z's site posted that she was ble to make up names to register on abc's site and that it worked because no validation of email addresses is in place. Sooo, TLC could easily accomplish robo calling and tons of computer votes. I also have become less enchanted with pussy cat doll. She is a beautiful dancer but it seems patently unfair to allow professional dancers to compete in this 3 ring circus. Hey, I read Maxim's blog today where he defends Kart and also says that Bruno went too far in describing Kart as a shopping Cart!!! HA HA HA What's up with that? He definitely is our new hero!!!

HI 50 said...

Woo Hoo!!! LOVED your synopsis of the rigged DWTS bull crap. Bruno is MY HERO for speaking the truth about nightmare Kart. Len, ??? questionable. Carrie Ann, WTF is her obsession with lifts? These contestants are NOT professional ballroom dancers, give it a rest. BUT I do have a suggestion if Carrie Ann wants to be THAT technical?! There should be a ruling about dragging a buffalo across the dance floor, especially a buffalo with a freaked out expression...PRICELESS!!

I feel sorry for the Gosselin 8!!! Mommy Dearest is going to be SOOO stressed because she only has 5 days to learn a NEW dance. She is going to be raging...PLEASE KIDS, learn how to dial 911 if Mommy Dearest goes crazy!!! LEARN how to protect yourself from the dragon lady!

I feel sorry for Tony! What the hell is he going to do with the succubus who wanted him fired?!? How the hell is he supposed to continue KNOWING she wanted him fired?! If he can rise above it, he is truly my hero!

BTW, Nicole is NOT a professional ballroom dancer, she is a singer who knows how to perform pop culture dances, VERY VERY different from ballroom dancing. Pop dancing is much less disciplined that ballroom dancing. In ballroom dancing you have to learn to smile even when your arm, back, neck & legs are screaming from holding the correct posture. Ballroom dancers have to learn how to count, point, spin, twirl to specific rhythms. Enough said.

Back to the Kart & the pros coming out to defend her. Maxim's defense is a bunch of producer/PR baloney. Maybe the producer's offered bribes to the pros/contestants to say something positive about Kart...hopefully the bribe was substantial enough to sacrifice their self worth. I'll wait till next season to vote for Tony. For now, its off with the heinous buffalo's head!! Switching my vote to Pamela, Nicole, Niecey, Buzz.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Nothing anyone can tell me this is not rigged! Mark Ballas was the ONLY member of DWTS that went on record saying that Kate was "Standoffish". Although he later corrected himself, his fate was sealed. This reminds me of why I originally stopped watching. I stopped watching when Kelly Monaco supposedly beat John O'Hurley. The outrage was so much they did a dance off the next season.

While I don't doubt Kate was saved by her sheeple, there is no way I believe Aiden who doesn't have much of a fan base beat Shannen. But Aiden is on contract to ABC and was given a reprieve.

The one good thing is Jon is currently looking after the kids. The way they held on to him it's obvious how much they love him.

nanb

HI 50 said...

Here are a few suggestions for next week that might describe her drama from the past two years:

'Maneater' lyrics from Hall & Oates
'Maniac' lyrics from Hall & Oates
'Bite it like a Bulldog'

Anonymous said...

Any show depends on ratings. If they feel Kate is bringing in ratings, either through the voting or online buzz, they'll keep her around. Doesn't matter if she can't dance at all or is an egotistic pain in the ass. She may not win, but she'll be around long enough--then people will watch to see WHEN she finally gets the hook.
The only thing TLC, ABC, and Kate's PR/management team care about is that she's in the media and "relevant."
BTW, I watched the clip of Kate and Tony's fight--it must've took place over time, because there are different dance studios in the clip. Also, when Kate said, "Please don't make arguments..."--she sounded exactly the same as when she used to speak to Jon. People with narcissistic/borderline personality disorder always turn the barrells of the gun toward the other person in an argument. THEY are never the ones at fault. And, when the other person has had enough and leaves (or totally loses it and blasts the narcissist), they turn on the tears and guilt trip. The other person usually winds up apologizing--Kate sounds like a textbook case, doesn't she?

Paula said...

From Dallas Morning News....

"A shocker on 'DWTS'

Unbelievable. With the shocking elimination of Shannen Doherty, instead of the lead-footed and insufferable Kate Gosselin, the Dancing With the Stars conspiracy theories accelerator no doubt will be thrown into high gear. A ratings-boosting fix from producers? American Idol-style Sanjaya shenanigans from anti-voters? Was Beverly Hills 90210 really that long ago?

Perhaps it's not quite unbelievable that Kate Gosselin is still on DWTS after the first results show of season 10, but it is ridiculous and unsustainable. The competition won't really begin until Kate and (sorry to say) Buzz Aldrin are gone."

koopdedoo said...

I can't get the image of Kate in the red dress with the 80's hair and bad makeup out of my head. I finally realized what it reminded me of: a little girl pageant (I keep seeing JonBenet Ramsey - RIP, little one). Now I see Kate's mental age - this really brings it all together.

While ABC is raking in the ratings on this, is some medical school's psychology department using this as a case study?

And ABC is truly making fun of her, and she can't see it. She can only see that she gets to wear makeup and a pretty dress. She can't see that everyone else dances better because she doesn't pay attention to anyone but Kate.

To those who commented that Kate's cheerleading experience should have helped her, not necessarily. Depends on how athletic the squad was at that time. Back in the dark ages, cheerleaders were not required to be daredevil gymnasts.

Nobody Likes a Narcissist said...

Hi Admin. Re: your comment:

Oh, Bruno also said something weird and awkward about dancing with Elton John in the south of France. As long as he meant that to be an insult to Kart, fine.

Back in the 80's, Bruno was a dancer in Elton John's video for "I'm Still Standing". From Wikipedia:

The video, directed by Russell Mulcahy, was shot in Cannes (Hotel Carlton) and Nice on the Cote d'Azur in France and features its colours. Bruno Tonioli, a judge on the hit shows Strictly Come Dancing for BBC (UK) and its American adaptation, Dancing with the Stars for ABC in the US, appears as one of the dancers in the video.

You'll see Bruno in the video - in most shots, he's wearing a sleeveless black leotard with no pants. In another shot, he has red pants on with the leotard. In most of the video, Bruno is the the most featured of all the dancers, so you can't miss him (you should enlarge the video screen, though):

Elton John: I'm Still Standing Video

koopdedoo said...

Hey, thanks for posting the video link to "I'm Still Standing" - I did not understand Bruno's reference on Monday's show, now it makes perfect sense.

Anonymous said...

Oh, well, Kate gets a free ride what else is new.

I haven't really seen her with her children more than 72 hours since this all started. Kate always did like being away from them as much as possible.

Did anyone notice the mom theme? They are trying to show Brooke the cohost as ordinary like Kate. That Kate isn't the only one. This entire season is going to keep up at this pace. I am calling it now. She will win. This was already decided when the contracts were signed.

~Irene~

Anonymous said...

You gotta love Shannon's comments following her departure:

"To see my dad's face light up the way that it did and how proud he was of me just filled me with this kind of amazing emotion of thankfulness," Doherty said Tuesday. "I call that a success."

Nobody Likes a Narcissist said...

I took some screen shots of Bruno in Elton John's video. In addition to the sleeveless black unitard, Bruno also shows up later in the video in a black speedo, and then in a red shirt and white pants:

Bruno in Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" Video - 1

Bruno in Elton John's "I'm Still Standing" Video - 2

Katesucks said...

Hold on to your weaves kids:
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/watch_with_kristin/b174245_jon_gosselin_reuniting_with_kate_on.html

Is Jon Gosselin Reuniting with Kate on Dancing With the Stars?!

Tue., Mar. 30, 2010 9:15 PM PDT by Megan Masters

Read more: http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/watch_with_kristin/b174245_jon_gosselin_reuniting_with_kate_on.html#ixzz0jl7mLBzt

You're not gonna believe this.

Kate Gosselin and her gracious partner Tony Dovolani may have been at odds this week on (and off!) camera, but the Dancing With the Stars' duo have put their differences aside and come up with something very interesting for next week.

Is she planning a reunion with her now infamous ex-hubby Jon Gosselin to spice things up (and maybe keep those ratings high)?

If we can believe what Kate tells us, the answer might be even better than you imagine...

While Jon himself is not actually going to grace the DWTS stage, we will be getting the next best (or worst?) thing: a Jon and Kate-themed dance for week three! Tony will be channeling Jon G (lucky Jon!) as Kate portrays herself (who else?) in next week's storytelling assignment.

Let that sink in for a moment: Kate will be transforming her recent tabloid troubles into a high-stepping dance routine.

"It's my story over the past two years," Kate tells us of the dance. "We're very, very excited."

And there's only one word to describe such a dance.

"Dramatic," says Kate, to which Tony replies, "Lots of drama," to which Kate adds a little more emphasis with an, "Oh my gosh, so much drama."

Whew! So listen guys, we think it's going to be dramatic in case you missed the memo.

We kid, because clearly you DWTS fans either (a) love Kate and don't want to see her to leave the show, or (b) love watching Kate humiliate herself on national TV and don't want to see her leave the show, because she and Tony managed to stick around after some pretty dire scores.

"My dancing has a lot of work to do, and I'm the first to admit it. I'm not a quitter, I won't quit on this, I want to finish the dance," so says Kate. "The frustrating thing for me is I can do it so well in practice that even I'm like, wow! Did I just do that? Then I come out here and I'm like, whaaa!"

itsaboutthekids said...

So now Kate is moving on to exploit Jon and their tumultous marriage? I guess that's better than the kids but won't they see it? She's a real piece of work our little lead footed liar. Len said NO tricks or gimicks for the next dance. It sounds to me like the gimmicks have already begun if Tony is going to channel Jon. I'll vote but I'm not sure I'll watch that fiasco.

Anonymous said...

Nature didn't want Kate to have kids but she did it anyway, rigging and fixing and tweaking with science to produce 6 at once, because there is no fame and fortune in just producing twins, then she sold them out, exploited them, and went on to do horribly as a co-host, dancer and reality tv performer, teaching her kids that as long as you sell out to the devil you can have money.

Nobody Likes a Narcissist said...

Wow, if that' really true, Khate is digging herself an even bigger hole. Does she really think people want to see her mock the demise of their crappy marriage? Way to go, mom of the year! I wonder how your EIGHT kids (did you know she's a MOM and she has EIGHT kids?) will feel about watching that!

Btw, Tony's tweet last night that they were headed for PA must have meant they flew out last night because he just tweeted three hours ago, before 7 am ET, (in reply to an older tweet from Maks). I doubt he was up all night and tweeting before 4 am PT, so they're in PA now. They have a solid three days to practice (Wed, Thurs, Friday) and then I bet they'll fly out again on Saturday.

Despite what Khate claimed before, she can't stay in PA until Sunday because from what I saw reading a bunch of the dancers' and stars' tweets last weekend, Sundays are very busy days with camera blocking, rehearsals and taping things. Tony and Khate will need to be in CA all day on Sundays just like everyone else. So, they'll fly out Saturday again........which means she'll be missing Easter with the kids?! Hey, I thought she said she'd never miss a holiday with them? Well, they're off from school this Friday and next Monday so maybe she'll take them to CA this time.

PatK said...

Using their dance to "tell Kate's story" is just plain wrong. Can't she simply appear on this show and give it her all, without everything having to be a continuation of the "poor, pitiful me tour"?

Enough is enough!

Paula said...

Kate Gosselin is one disturbed individual.

Administrator said...

I don't agree with all the points in this blog post, but it's worth reading:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/megan-carpentier/why-no-one-can-hate-kate_b_519116.html

"No matter how many tummy-tucks, tooth veneers or hair extensions she gets to meet some external standard of beauty, she'll never feel beautiful and thus, to a great degree, she'll never be beautiful. And no matter how many times Bruno tells her to let herself play a character on the dance floor, what he doesn't really understand is that she already is, and she doesn't know how to stop."

Anonymous said...

Zloggers Don't Quit

When TV goes crazy, as we see it will,
When the zloggin' we are doing seems all uphill.
When defending motherhood seems low & Kate seems high,
And, you want to throw ice water at her but you have to sigh.
When fakeness is pressing your brain a bit,
REST IF YOU MUST BUT ZLOGGERS DON'T QUIT!

TV is crazy with its twists & turns,
as every advertising dollar must be earned.
And, many a channel turns a blind eye,
When they would rather milk Kate than lose our viewer eyes!
Don't give up zloggers though her dancing is bad,
Zloggers have the truth on our side, that Kate's type of mothering is sad!

Often the spray tans are nearer to the truth,
Of how little ABC really thinks of motherhood to boot.
Often the narcissist will get caught in her web,
When a zlogger points out what a waste with TED!

And, Kate will learn late when the children are raised,
She gave her heart to TLC so she could be away!

Motherhood is sometimes failure turned inside out.
Zlogging keeps our minds out of the Kate kind of doubt.
And you never can tell just how close we are,
We may have Kate's # when it seems so far.
So zloggers stick to the tried & true
when Kate hits,
It is when she is at her most ridiculous ridiculous that zloggers sure must not quit!

****************************
Join us at the Baltimore Sun Z on Tv between now & the end of the season we are shilling for 1,000,000 Mother March. Show ABC that Mothers will not be taken down the Kate road as a model to Motherhood!

~irene~

Anonymous said...

Oh, That is right Nobody likes a Narcissist Kate did say she would never miss a holiday with the children.

Interesting!

~irene~

Anonymous said...

If the next dance is supposed to tell a story, like the last 2 years of her life, I think that Kate and Tony will do a tango--that way Kate can pretend to "bitch-slap" Tony and dig her high heel into him while he's down on the floor, lol.

Paula said...

Just reading the many articles lambasting the fact that Kate Gosselin still remains give me hope the media, with the exception of the TLC-fed tabloids, are so over Kate Gosselin. If she goes any further in this competition, I'm afraid that will be the end of DWTS - ratings or not. It will have become the sham of all shams.

Anonymous said...

Admin, Do you know, if it is true that their voting system interferes with the outcome of a contest, then wouldn't TLC/ABC be guilty of perpetuating a fraud?

Two snippets from an article Are Reality Programs Illegal Contests?


"Instances where producers intervene in judging decisions or
influence voting to keep popular contestants on the program (or
delay their departure) almost certainly violate the statute. Section
509 does not require that a scheme (or assistance) designate the
winner or final outcome; the statute only requires it to impact an
aspect of the outcome. Altering an elimination (thus altering the
fates of two individuals) or immunizing a competitor until the
finals, changes an aspect of the outcome.
"
***
and
***
..."When reality programs that present themselves as bona fide
contests of intellectual skill or knowledge cross the line from the
acknowledged conceits of production practice to intervening in
ways that impact the outcome of the contest, they cross the line
from permissible artifice to illegal audience deception in violation
of 47 U.S.C. § 509."

http://www.cardozoaelj.net/issues/07/Podlas.pdf

Lauren said...

I'm sort of "glad" Kate is still on the show...

She is making a fool of herself and blaming it on everybody else.

And she is letting America know who SHE REALLY IS. She can't hide. As another blog mentioned, it will be Kate's Waterloo.

Administrator said...

Waterloo oh that's hysterical!

I say, keep her on. Make her suffer through it all.

tVsnark said...

Great recap. Thanks for the laughs.
Didn't Shannen's character on Little house almost get raped? That one episode creeped me out, big time.

Pam is wonderful. She stayed in character and hit all her marks. I was surprised she was in the bottom two.

I agree. Dancers like Nichole, the Cheetah girl a few seasons ago and even Marie Osmond are not amateurs. They sing and dance on stage. It's a very unfair disadvantage.

Poor Tony. I've become a fan for life. He's a patient and gracious man.

TVsnark said...

There should be a ruling about dragging a buffalo across the dance floor, especially a buffalo with a freaked out expression...PRICELESS!!

Hi50, you owe me a new screen. DietCoke all over . . . .

TVsnark said...

Thanks for posting the screen shots of Bruno. I'm loving him this season and hope he never stops telling the truth.
Shopping Cart.
Stepford Wife.

What's next??

Nobody Likes a Narcissist said...

TVsnark - you're welcome! I had fun watching that old video after all these years!

HI 50 said...

TVsnark, sorry about the creative writing...I couldn't resist that image was fried into the deepest recesses of my subconscious! Hope it was a simple clean up with your Diet Coke!

Long day at work, it was great to come home and LMAO!!!!! I promised myself when I visit the blogs about Buffalo Kart, I will not drink or eat anything (made the same mistake before)!

I can't wait to hear Bruno's next descriptor of Kart! Love it!

SchmeckyGirl said...

OMG Admin! I forgot to tell you I enjoyed your synopsis of the entire show, and I especially enjoyed your personal insight regarding Pam. She has always seemed very down to earth and friendly.

Anonymous said...

So happy to find this and to see some familiar folks here...and GREAT re-cap of the show.
I'm extremely ambivalent about whether or not I'd like to see Kate voted off ASAP. I have to admit that I'm enjoying this turn of events...seeing her make a fool of herself and seeing such an increase in negative comments about her all over the net.

Like Kate, I also worked as an RN and we are taught how to do lifts correctly (patient lifts) and anyone who's ever worked in this field can tell you the annoyance felt when anyone who could bear weight or assist just let themselves go limp. Just for starters, it's dangerous and can result in falls...as dead weight is difficult to lift, regardless of the weight of the person.

I was speechless when I saw her go limp in that famous shot of Tony trying to hold her up (though do admit I loved seeing his great arms straining).

I also do not think the sequence with Kate and Tony before the dance was faked. It's fairly easy to read when Kate is faking (she's terrible at it), not to mention that Tony is too much of a class act, not to mention a nice person, to participate in that...unless it was genuine. And he truly seemed horrified that he even allowed it to happen. And walking away from that Access Hollywood interview...I think he had genuinely had it at that point...but being the class act he is, re-grouped later.

Anonymous said...

Interesting recap. I know a little something about Pam Anderson also and would like to mention that she lives in an area where only the wealthy live and this area has its own school district unrelated to the Los Angeles City School District. The school system where she lives is like going to a private school. Like I said, only the wealthy can live there so the majority of the residents send their kids to the public school. It is an extremely small school system and affords great privacy to the students and parents and the employees go through special training to make sure that they are sensitive to the needs of the families they are working with.

I am not trying to take away from the mothering accolades given by the writer of this post, just trying to point out that wealthy people sending their children to the local public school in this district is the norm.

Administrator said...

Annoymous it's true the public schools are very good in Pam's town and yes a lot of wealthy people send their kids to public schools. But a good number still choose to send their kids to private school. There's Crossroads, Crespi Carmelite, Oaks Christian, Harvard-Westlake, Will Smith's school New Village Academy ...all very prestigious private schools many celebs opt to send their kids to instead.

Anonymous said...

I am familiar with all of those schools and one of the reasons they choose those schools is for the sports programs when their children enter high school and or the religious education. A good sports program is really lacking in the school system where Pam's children attend.

Crespi is very affordable for even us poor folks.Sending your child to Harvard-Westlake is really just money well spent on helping your child get accepted in a college of their choice.

My point really was to say that parents that live in the area that Pam lives in can send their children to the public school and not have the concerns that many other of us have when we navigate the public school system. I doubt very much that Pam would send her kids to public school if she lived in the Los Angeles City School District's area.

Administrator said...

Doesn't Kate live in a wealthy county too? I think she could send her children to public school and not worry.

Administrator said...

TVSnark you are referring to the Little House episode Silvia....which wasn't Shannon Dougherty it was another chick. Who was raped by a mime!

Very traumatizing episode which can be viewed in its entirity on youtube....if you dare. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67v5Ku7Y1Sg

SchmeckyGirl said...

LOL Admin! He wasn't a mine. He was a local guy who wore a clown mask. And yes a very traumatic story line.

SchmeckyGirl said...

Oops. I meant MIME!

Anonymous said...

Administrator,

I did not realize we were discussing Kate. I thought we were talking about Pamela Anderson. I know nothing about Kate Gosselin or where she lives or the school district that she resides in.

Anonymous local said...

I know something about Kate's school district. It's a nice middle class country school. It's not what the OP described as Pam Anderson's exclusive public school system. We're certainly not that wealthy. I also doubt it would be considered normal around here for someone's mom to be known for her Internet sex tape, lol. You'd have to stick around Hollywood to find those kinds of normal kids. The Gosselin kids go to a religious school for the values education anyway. I've heard that it's a good school.

Anonymous said...

Now if this was Kate, wow you people would be all over it. http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/04/photos-pam-anderson-escorted-out-club-0

Midnight Serenade said...

@Anonymous local...
"The Gosselin kids go to a religious school for the values education anyway"

The school is not a private Christian school, nor affiliated with any religion in any way shape or form. Nor is religion taught there. It's a private college preparatory school, with grades pre-school through 12th grade all in one building.

Anonymous said...

Now if this was Kate, wow you people would be all over it. http://www.radaronline.com/exclusives/2010/04/photos-pam-anderson-escorted-out-club-0

Anonymous said...

Administrator,

I did not realize we were discussing Kate. I thought we were talking about Pamela Anderson. I know nothing about Kate Gosselin or where she lives or the school district that she resides in.

Administrator said...

TVSnark you are referring to the Little House episode Silvia....which wasn't Shannon Dougherty it was another chick. Who was raped by a mime!

Very traumatizing episode which can be viewed in its entirity on youtube....if you dare. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67v5Ku7Y1Sg

TVsnark said...

Thanks for posting the screen shots of Bruno. I'm loving him this season and hope he never stops telling the truth.
Shopping Cart.
Stepford Wife.

What's next??

tVsnark said...

Great recap. Thanks for the laughs.
Didn't Shannen's character on Little house almost get raped? That one episode creeped me out, big time.

Pam is wonderful. She stayed in character and hit all her marks. I was surprised she was in the bottom two.

I agree. Dancers like Nichole, the Cheetah girl a few seasons ago and even Marie Osmond are not amateurs. They sing and dance on stage. It's a very unfair disadvantage.

Poor Tony. I've become a fan for life. He's a patient and gracious man.

Lauren said...

I'm sort of "glad" Kate is still on the show...

She is making a fool of herself and blaming it on everybody else.

And she is letting America know who SHE REALLY IS. She can't hide. As another blog mentioned, it will be Kate's Waterloo.

Nobody Likes a Narcissist said...

Wow, if that' really true, Khate is digging herself an even bigger hole. Does she really think people want to see her mock the demise of their crappy marriage? Way to go, mom of the year! I wonder how your EIGHT kids (did you know she's a MOM and she has EIGHT kids?) will feel about watching that!

Btw, Tony's tweet last night that they were headed for PA must have meant they flew out last night because he just tweeted three hours ago, before 7 am ET, (in reply to an older tweet from Maks). I doubt he was up all night and tweeting before 4 am PT, so they're in PA now. They have a solid three days to practice (Wed, Thurs, Friday) and then I bet they'll fly out again on Saturday.

Despite what Khate claimed before, she can't stay in PA until Sunday because from what I saw reading a bunch of the dancers' and stars' tweets last weekend, Sundays are very busy days with camera blocking, rehearsals and taping things. Tony and Khate will need to be in CA all day on Sundays just like everyone else. So, they'll fly out Saturday again........which means she'll be missing Easter with the kids?! Hey, I thought she said she'd never miss a holiday with them? Well, they're off from school this Friday and next Monday so maybe she'll take them to CA this time.