Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Kate's delusional expectations may have been end of marriage

We were struck last night by the way Kate characterized her thoughts about separating from Jon.

Kate said: "To clarify, maybe I wanted roles to change and for
people to step up and stress loads to shift. [But] I never wanted him absent from that driver's seat."



Clearly when Kate is saying "people," she is referring passive aggressively to Jon. It's evident from this statement that Kate felt that in her marriage 1. she wanted Jon to take a different role 2. she wanted Jon to step up 3. she felt she was bearing the bulk of the stress in the marriage.

However enough episodes of Jon and Kate were made (more than 100) to demonstrate that Kate's perception of Jon's contribution to the marriage is quite skewed. Jon was the stay at home dad while she got to live her dream and go on tour. Did she not want him to stay at home? Did she want him to go to work and she stay at home? That simply doesn't add up.

As for Jon stepping up, until the divorce he was the one on Mommy duty, and both of them admitted it, with video evidence to boot. Meals, baths, bedtime, school, and more. What more was she expecting from him? Jon was never the type of husband to work all day then come home and drink a beer in his recliner, barking at everyone to leave him alone. He was one of the most hands on fathers we've ever seen.

Finally, Kate believes that she has more stress than him. Firstly, stress isn't an outside force that you are defenseless to. Stress comes from within, and how much or little you feel is controlled by your own body. Nonetheless Kate obviously feels her stress is more important, she feels it more deeply. She wanted Jon to share the stress. But perhaps laid-back Jon was feeling stress, he simply didn't express it the way Kate does. And why does Kate want someone she loves to feel stress? Shouldn't the goal of marriage be to reduce stress?

While Kate is not pure evil, it's hard to argue she hasn't demonstrated a very selfish personality. Her perceptions of her life come first and she has often been unwilling to put herself in the shoes of the other person. Jon in turn was passive aggressive, bottling up all his emotions until he snapped and went on a rampage of sex and partying, which wasn't healthy either.

With Kate's misconceptions of her world and Jon's refusal to speak up, this marriage was doomed.

14 sediments (sic) from readers:

Anonymous said...

Once Kate went on the road on her book tour the nanny's took over; Jon was not handling the entire role of "mommy" himself. This enabled him to go out to the bars at night and party putting him on his self destructive road that has unfortunately led to his downfall.

Debbie said...

Once again, well said. This episode was nothing more that a chance for TLC and Kate to put all the blame on Jon. At least Jon has admitted he made mistakes but you will never hear that from Kate. Kate was so busy sobbing for the loss of the show that she forgot to mention the loss of her marriage, so she had to throw it in at the last minute in a "by the way" moment. You sure could tell where her priorities are and they are not her marriage, Jon or the kids!

Debbie said...

And so it begins. I saw there is a tax lien filed against the old house. To bad the lien wasn't filed before they filmed the last episode so Kate could cry about how she is too broke to pay the bills. Cry me a river...that you can float away in!

No Drama Mama said...

The role reversal she wanted so badly is what lead to the destruction of their marriage.

Face it, Kate always looked down on Jon. She was not appreciative AT ALL of the fact that he worked hard at his job so that she could be a stay at home mom. He NEVER got a break. If he was at home, HE was with the kids so SHE could have a break. He worked 40+ hours a week and then kids kids kids when he got home. After quitting his job it was kids kids kids and he was flat out honest: he missed working. He missed that little break he had that allowed him to get out with adults. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!! There are not many stay-at-home dad's in the world and I could not imagine for the life of me my husband being a SAHD to our 2 kids much less 8 while I traipsed around the country staying in 5 star hotels, etc.

Kate is one of the most selfish people I have ever come across.

Administrator said...

It was painfully noticeable how much Kate was focused on losing her show. What about losing your marriage, Kate? What about losing your privacy? What about your children losing their privacy, their dignity? What about losing all these friends and relatives she keeps mentioning ("my circle is getting smaller"). What about losing Jon, the man you were head over heals in love with?

She refuses to acknowledge the show's role in causing all this heartbreak. She made the choices, but without the show there would be no book tour and paparazzi and she wouldn't have made Jon stay at home to stew. She just wants the show back because it was her money and her fun and her fame. She doesn't see everything negative about it. She doesn't even want to consider that maybe they should quit now before something worse happens. I agree, she is incredibly selfish.

Anonymous said...

Administrator, the first sentence of your 11:25 post was all-telling:
"It was painfully noticeable how much Kate was focused on losing HER show."
It's all about Kate. Always.
{{rolling eyes}}

Anonymous said...

Yes, let's just blame this all on Kate! Oh, Please.

Administrator said...

No one is blaming it all on Kate. I said Kate's words and Jon's actions are BOTH damaging to the children. No one is getting a free pass. Jon said he felt "free" when they separated, which I found a terribly hurtful way to characterize your marriage and home life. His children may very well hear him say that someday, which is just heartbreaking.

Kate has the unfortunate distinction of being permitted to talk the most during the last several episodes. The more you talk the more there is to scrutinize and fact check, she has never realized that either.

No Drama Mama said...

Both Jon AND Kate are to blame for the demise of their marriage.

Marriage is hard work. Divorce is the easy way out.

optimist said...

Excellent essay! I would only add that the 100+ episodes clearly portray Jon as the main recipient of kate's abuse and rage. Those of us who have experienced emotional abuse can recognize the battering he must have endured. I'm sure he did feel as though he was set free from prison after 10 years of it. He appears to be trying to grow, but not kate--it's always someone else's fault.

It would be interesting to learn if Kate's beloved Dr. Phil formed an opinion as to her likely personality disorder(s), or if he felt that irrelevant to his consultation on her "brand." I'd love to see a psychologist take a crack at her dx (NPD?).

The kids are off camera for now, thank goodness, but being in the primary care of someone exhibiting Kate's penchant for abuse is very concerning.

Anonymous said...

I think that Jon was "hands on" when he was told what to do. He reminds me of the partner who brags that they washes the dishes nightly while ignoring that their partner bought the groceries, prepared the meal, etc. all the while looking after the kids.

Administrator said...

I don't know I never really felt like Jon was bragging. If anything Kate was quick to point out everything he did, while at the same time not seeming to appreciate it. In the good ole days she got to sleep in (who sleeps in with one kid under 7, let alone eight?), he brought her coffee in bed, got the kids up and ready for school, drove them to school, went to work, came home and spent the rest of the evening tending to the kids, did their baths, and put them to bed. Kate worked very hard but she got a break when Jon got home from work. Jon never seemed to get a break at all and I think it slowly wore him down. They both admitted this was what Jon did on a daily basis, it's not speculation.

Administrator said...

I don't know I never really felt like Jon was bragging. If anything Kate was quick to point out everything he did, while at the same time not seeming to appreciate it. In the good ole days she got to sleep in (who sleeps in with one kid under 7, let alone eight?), he brought her coffee in bed, got the kids up and ready for school, drove them to school, went to work, came home and spent the rest of the evening tending to the kids, did their baths, and put them to bed. Kate worked very hard but she got a break when Jon got home from work. Jon never seemed to get a break at all and I think it slowly wore him down. They both admitted this was what Jon did on a daily basis, it's not speculation.

optimist said...

Excellent essay! I would only add that the 100+ episodes clearly portray Jon as the main recipient of kate's abuse and rage. Those of us who have experienced emotional abuse can recognize the battering he must have endured. I'm sure he did feel as though he was set free from prison after 10 years of it. He appears to be trying to grow, but not kate--it's always someone else's fault.

It would be interesting to learn if Kate's beloved Dr. Phil formed an opinion as to her likely personality disorder(s), or if he felt that irrelevant to his consultation on her "brand." I'd love to see a psychologist take a crack at her dx (NPD?).

The kids are off camera for now, thank goodness, but being in the primary care of someone exhibiting Kate's penchant for abuse is very concerning.

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