I'm still playing catch-up on some recaps I haven't done yet and I thought I would start with a really old one, the last episode of Couples Therapy that I never got around to! Enjoy!
Last time on Couples Therapy. The producers set up a dating profile for Farrah, who promptly became the first woman to ever stump Neil Clark Warren.
There's no box to check on eHarmony for sociopath, which is why one should be cautious when browsing other's profiles. No one can believe Kelsey is still with that pig Wu-Tang much less willing to breathe the same air as him.
Since we've talked so much about regional accents and I find them interesting, I would say that Jon and Liz's regional Northeastern accent is what I would consider pretty typical of the area. It's heavy on the R's and W's, with some nasal notes, and hints of blackberry. Or is that my glass of wine?
Dr. Jenn says everyone has done a lot of work in therapy and that we're nearing the end of the program. Out of curiosity I wonder how much time each couple spends in therapy throughout the show.
Jon and Liz are hanging out again with Taylor and John out back. Jon laughs as he says he's talked to his mom about masturbation. Well, uh, that must be one understanding and progressive mother! Kelsey says she doesn't masturbate, and the other women seem horrified. You don't masturbate???
What? It's work for a woman to masturbate. It requires props, usually, and sometimes charged batteries. Many of us really could take it or leave it, am I right ladies? And, this is about as close to talking about sex as I've ever gotten on this blog. I think it just isn't proper for a good God fearing mumu-wearing lady and her crocs to discuss the bedroom, and I am all right with that!
Lol, Liz says she felt bad for Kelsey, wanted to give her something (a prop, she means?) and send her to a room for five hours somewhere.
Five hours??? Good grief, do you know how productive I could be with five hours? I could do my entire taxes for the year in less time. See, this is what I mean. Female masturbation is work and hardly efficient! John says the mask is coming off Liz. Sure is.
Taylor too claims to be quite the mastermind when it comes to female masturbation. Ew.
Taylor's daughter Kennedy arrives. She's about seven. She's a gorgeous child and looks a lot like her dad. John says Kennedy is a real handful. I bet Taylor probably just spoils her, which is natural when you're parenting a child whose other parent recently died. And also natural when you're a self-absorbed bimbo. They take her out to breakfast.
Kennedy walks all over Taylor and John, talking back and copping a constant attitude, and Taylor's helpless to deal with her. The kid won't even pick something to order off a wonderful menu and is throwing silverware. Yeesh, kids really turn Lord of the Flies right quick when adults let them do whatever the hell they want, it's kind of creepy. Taylor needs help with this and Dr. Jenn knows it.
Back at the ranch, I just realized for the first time I think Taylor's John might be wearing a toupee. How 1992. They see Kennedy off with I guess her nanny. Taylor at least knows her problem with Kennedy is just setting boundaries and that she just wants to take her to Disneyland because her dad died. I get that, and it's really sad, but her dad will be dead for the rest of Kennedy's life and at some point she needs to start having a normal childhood.
Taylor kind of reminds me of Kate the way she talks so negatively about her own child, calling her a tyrant. That seems rather nasty to say about your child even if it's true. Plus, she's a tyrant because Taylor won't parent her, so that's Taylor's fault. John says he's been reluctant to step up and parent Kennedy because he's worried she'll resent it. I think John needs to stop making excuses. This is not a situation where Kennedy has a loving and available father who lives twenty minutes away and John can just fill the role of Mom's nice friend. Her dad is dead and John is the only father she has now. He needs to parent her. Taylor's sure not going to do it.
Well, Dr. Jenn has some rather generous spin on this whole situation, saying that Kennedy acting out so wildly in front of Taylor just means they're bonded. Lol, yes, sure, that's what it is. Thank goodness she has a "but" here, in that Taylor gives her absolutely no structure or expectations or "focused" time with her. Dr. Jenn recommends they spend twenty minutes a day together where Kennedy gets to direct their play.
I completely agree with Jenn that not taking charge of Kennedy is going to create a highly anxious child. That is 100% true. Kids this age crave a parent to give them structure, to say no, to be firm at times--no matter how much they look like they're having a ball running their own show.
John is tearing up and saying this is so very important for Taylor and Kennedy. I like him well enough. He seems sincere.
Jon and Liz are walking back inside and I have no idea what they're talking about, but Jon says something about how he wouldn't be mad at her. They approach Kelsey with a present which is revealed to be the cutest little purple vibrator. Did I just call a vibrator cute?
Kelsey seems to enjoy the joke. Lol, the lesbians are looking on in the doorway saying a woman's body is something to be explored and nurtured. Haha, they are the best.
Jon is cracking up saying Kelsey will always remember he and Liz got her her first vibrator. Hehe, Jon can be a goof.
Woo-hoo, it's Farrah time! Dr. Jenn's going to analyze video footage of a date she had last night. Awesome, love it.
Hey, this guy is cute, if you're into guys who wear scarfs. Oh, he lives with his mom.
Well, I don't blame Farrah for blinking over that.
You can tell Farrah is trying so hard to act like how a normal caring person acts, saying she's sorry about his sick grandma and that it's too bad he and his son's mother couldn't make it work. Her eyes betray that not only is she not sorry but she doesn't even understand sorry, but she gets an A for effort.
I hate when people say "you guys'es." God, it's just a terrible butchering.
Whoa, date's going south fast. They haven't even gotten their waters yet and this guy launches into some long thing about how bitches are just as bad as guys these days. And, now we know why he's single.
Flashback to a string of bad dates. Help. Hehe, even Dr. Jenn is cracking up, this is just....bad. It's PlentyofFish.com, what can I say. You get what you pay for, bitches. Let's get back to this awful date.
The guy brings up that Farrah is from Chatsworth and then starts laughing. Is it sad I know exactly what he is laughing about before he ever explains? I guess it's because I'm local. Chatsworth is well known as the porn capital of the world. All the porno is shot there, and if you choose to live there, which is actually a fine choice as it's a very nice (though way too hot) valley community, you will probably be subjected to a lot of teasing the rest of your time there because Americans still snicker over porn like children. Must be our conservative pilgrim roots. Initially I was sure this date was going to say something really douchey like so you do porn for a living? But to my surprise he says that he used to work in Chatsworth, as a receptionist at a sub-studio of Playboy and even got to go to the mansion once. What the F?!!
I think it's kind of funny Farrah is so horrified by this, having done a sex tape, but I don't know, there's something about this that is universally shocking even if you've done porn yourself. I don't care if all you did was staple contracts together and stamp COPY on them, you worked at a porn studio! What a terrible, terrible date. Like a date that gets you to shut down your profile forever and change your phone number date. Poor Dr. Jenn, and she did try so hard to set her up. I don't think Farrah should waste a second of energy being angry over this douche. It was just a bad date, could have happened to anyone. He looks normal aside from that scarf, who could have predicted this?
The guy actually wants her to call him. Dr. Jenn can't stop laughing over that. She said Farrah stayed too long on this date. Yeah, really, I woulda been out of there around about the time he was discussing living with his mother. Hehe, I love Dr. Jenn so much. Dr. Jenn said Farrah worked too hard on the date. She needs to chill. Yes. Also I think Farrah is more awkward than a 14 year old at their first school dance. It's hard to watch.
"You have to say 'ouch' when someone hurts you," says Dr. Jenn profoundly. Shakespeare couldn't have put it better.
Kelsey tells Wu-Tang she wants to forgive him. Dr. Jenn says they've broken up. It's been so long I don't really recall that was official. But I'm glad to hear that.
Naturally Wu-Tang is being the pig that he is and blaming this all on Kelsey. Kelsey calls him out and says had they never come here he wouldn't have told her about that other woman. Wu-Tang then says he forgives her.
Ha, Kelsey's face! You forgive me??? Oh, hell no! She throws something at his chest, looks like a piece of cardboard or something.
Kelsey and Wu-Tang meet one last time with Dr. Jenn. Dr. Jenn says they've both grown a lot. I think that's true for Kelsey but that's quite a stretch for Wu-Tang. He seems as nasty as ever. Wu-Tang still wants to be friends. Quite frankly, I think Kelsey should never see this guy again. He's not just a bad boyfriend. He's a bad person.
Dr. Jenn seems to think maybe they shouldn't have contact, at least for a year anyway. Kelsey, sadly, thinks she's probably open to catching up with him now and again on the phone at some point, asking how he is doing. Ugh. Let it go.
Kelsey said she knows now she needs a man who is emotionally available. Well yeah, that's always a good quality to have in a relationship.
Day 22. The lesbians, the most normal and well-adjusted couple here (take that, Duggars), are outside being cute and talking about cute things like making a bucket list together. One of them says I have one and I've already done something, fall in love. They kiss. Oh gosh, that's sweet.
Jon heads to a jewelry store. He wants to get a ring for Liz that represents a turning point in the relationship.
He meets up with Liz at Cafe Fiore, a delicious casual Italian restaurant in Woodland Hills.
Jon gives Liz one of those speeches that is sounding like it's leading up to a proposal. He keeps telling the cameras he hopes Liz doesn't think this is that kind of ring. Yipe, I don't think a guy should ever get a girl a ring before marriage unless it's thee ring. Of course any woman would think this is it.
Liz opens the box with a little ring and Jon says this is his promise he will get engaged to her. Lol, is he sixteen? What the hell? Well, at least Liz is into rings, her fingers are full of them, so I guess in light of that this makes a little more sense. She likes rings I guess.
Liz reminds me of a tom boy who never grew up. She refuses to cry. She says Jon will be her "best buddy" forever and is a wonderful person. She could picture herself with him forever. As we know now, it wasn't meant to be.
The music selections continue to be top notch. This time they're playing Back to You by Twin Forks. Great one. I love the exposure shows like this can give to relative unknowns.
They all meet Dr. Jenn at a pier to go on a steamboat cruise for dinner. Oh, I love that. Fun. Dr. Jenn says she's proud of them. She wants them to go down the table and toast each other. Ha, who's Farrah gonna toast. "Herself!" Dr. Jenn says. Lol.
Ugh, poor Kelsey has to toast that pig. She is far too generous with him, praising his honesty. Yeah, he was finally very honest about that ho-bag he has been seeing behind her back all this time. Wu-Tang says he knows they'll be friends.
Farrah's happy she found the strength to better herself.
Jon says he loves Liz and they learned a lot. Liz says she's thankful for him and glad they got to share this experience together. They were a nice enough couple. They kiss. Even though it eventually didn't work out, this seems like one of those relationships where no one is ever going to regret their time together. I think some relationships are about finding your forever spouse, others are more about finding yourself. This was the latter.
Sada says she's grateful and wants to be the person Whitney deserves. Whitney says it's been a rocky road but they're dedicated to their marriage. I just love them. Anyone who is still bigoted enough to try to stop a beautiful relationship like this should STFU and turn into a spotted toad forever.
Taylor cries and says she loves John, he makes her feel safe and protected. She sounds needy. John stands up to give his speech. I think it's nice for a man to stand when he's saying something important to the woman he loves. He hands Taylor over some papers.
"Is this a prenup?" Taylor quips. Hehe, she's funny at times. And, all joking aside, get a prenup, Taylor!
Aww, it's adoption paperwork for Kennedy! Oh, gosh, I'm gonna cry! John, you're all right, bud.
Dr. Jenn says Whitney and Sada developed better communication skills. Jon has learned how to be more assertive. I have to say she hit the nail on the head with Jon. Good for her for seeing it. Taylor has learned to move past the trauma of her first marriage. Farrah is a sociopath and there's nothing I can do for her, Dr. Jenn says, throwing up her hands. Hehe, just kidding, she says Farrah's discovered love and acceptance for herself. Yes, sure, that's what happened.
Well, Dr. Jenn believes everyone can find love. Even Farrah? How optimistic of her!
Well, it's the end. It's been an eclectic cast this season and the recaps were a lot of fun. I like Dr. Jenn and I think she's sincere, albeit a savvy businesswoman. It's interesting watching it now knowing that Jon and Liz eventually split, but I don't think his time with her was a waste and I think they both benefited from spending time with Dr. Jenn. I wish he and his new relationship the best of luck.